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madzoya August 5th, 2014 01:52 AM

How can I help my Mom?

My Grandma has been in the hospital for more than a month. She had a major bowel obstruction, due to a tumor. Had to have it removed (two weeks ago) and is now recuperating.

However, there have been minor setbacks everyother day, never lifetreatning, but delaying the process of healing.

My Mom has been there everyday since she was admited to the ER. Although my Aunt has also been there, she's laid back and irresponsable most of the time and my Grandma always wants my Mom (and my Mom also doesn't feel ok if she isn't there to talk to doctors and that stuff).

My Mom is a doer. She's the one who always sets things for everyone and always makes sure everyone is taking care of. But the long hours at the hospital (from 11 am to 8 pm, almost every day), and the constant worrying are taking a real toll on her. She's starting to loose hope (although every doctor tells us that it's just a matter of time) that my Grandma is coming home.

My Grandma is also getting very tired of being in the hospital. Although she was a model patience until last week, the late setbacks have set her in a badmood and she's giving up. She started saying she won't come home, she will die there...

Now the question is, how can I help my Mom? We talk everyday, but we live in different cities and, due to work I can only go visit my Grandma in the weekends (which I do, every Saturday and Sunday, to give my Mom a break). I only see my Mom on Sundays for a couple of hours and I always leave feeling guilty I can't do more.

How can I lift both their spirits? I'm a firm believer that positive thinking is an advantage to healing.

And how can I keep myself from feeling depressed for not being able to do more?

Thanks for listening.


KayKay August 5th, 2014 08:06 AM

Re: How can I help my Mom?
You are a very good person, wanting to help your mother and grandmother.

It's hard to tell what your mother needs, so it's hard to offer hints on how to help her. The only thing I can suggest is to look closely at what your mom is having to put aside and see if there is something that you can do to help with that.

For example, if she is unable to clean her home, arrange for a cleaning service to go in one day. If you can take one day off from work, take care of errands for her such as getting the oil in her car changed or stocking her pantry with groceries. Is there any kind of homemade treat that your Grandmother loves, such as a family recipe for soup/bread/cookies? Make it and bring it with you next time you visit. Maybe a small book of inspirational quotes?

Does your mother have a husband or someone at home who is helping her with her day-to-day chores?

madzoya August 5th, 2014 08:15 AM

Re: How can I help my Mom?
Thank you for your answer.

Yes, my Dad is home and all the practical things have been taken care off.

The emotional side is the problem.

Mom just phoned me... Grandma went into surgery again. The Surgeon said they were going to try to repair the sutures that were not healing so well...

She is now in intensive care and we don't know what happened (Mom is still waiting to talk to the doctor)

Even my positive thinking is failling me now...

KayKay August 5th, 2014 08:56 AM

Re: How can I help my Mom?
Is it possible for you to take a day off of work to be there?

Nadia August 6th, 2014 10:09 PM

Re: How can I help my Mom?
I see that you must be with your mother
she need you beside her now it's good of course that you call her every day
but I think that's not enough it will be better if you could be with your mother
all the time so if it's possible you can take a vacation from work and be with your mother
and I will pray that may Allah heal your grandma and relief you mother :).

Cremebrulee August 11th, 2014 07:39 AM

Re: How can I help my Mom?
I am so sorry this is happening to you and your family, and so sorry to read that grandma was taken back into surgery. I am sending you and your family lots of positive thoughts....

Please come back and let us know how your the meantime, just being there for your mom is a big help for all of you.


madzoya August 19th, 2015 02:31 AM

Re: How can I help my Mom?
I'm very sorry for not coming back to everyone on this, last year.

My Grandma passed away that day, due to lung failure during the surgery.

We are now finally at peace with it.

Thanks for your answers.

Kind regards


LucyVanPelt August 19th, 2015 04:50 AM

Re: How can I help my Mom?
Oh, Mad, I am very sorry for your loss. I'm glad you found peace.

snafu August 21st, 2015 05:45 PM

Re: How can I help my Mom?

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