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-   -   Thinking about dropping my bff (http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/showthread.php?t=8476)

PeeWeeMomOf3 February 22nd, 2019 04:59 AM

Thinking about dropping my bff
 
Iím thinking of backing off from my bff, I think our friendship is waning. A few years ago, I posted here seeking advice because she came to my very isolated hometown and never called to get together as weíd been doing for years. Last year she did the same thing, said she was coming to the area for a long weekend and made plans to call me so we could get together for a meal and never did. She never calls to check up on me anymore. If I call or text her she will respond and then I will not hear from her for like 6 months until I reach out. Unless she needs something like wanting me to pray for someone she knows, or her (when she was undergoing surgery) or asking me something like about a restaurant or place of interest - never just Ďhow are youí,í whatís new with youí. I also find myself frustrated when I do reach out and hear from her, it always very negative stuff, how she hates her job her boss is a [bad word] her co-workers are [bad words], she has legitimate health problems, and itís always the most negative update possible. I donít want to sound unsympathetic, but my mum and my former boss underwent the same surgery procedure, it sucks, itís painful, but its recoverable. I have been through Ďa lotí the past couple of years, too. Our town, our neighborhood and home all being greatly impacted by a natural disaster, and the loss of both my in-laws. She seems to have grown more negative the past few years, and when I add that to the shift in our friendship, I think I would like to let go. I feel no ill-will, I love her, I wish her well and I miss the friendship that we once shared. But I think thatís it, there is no sharing anymore, just imbalanced effort and negativity. As a Christian I struggle with feeling selfish about this, but I have stood by her for many, many years. As a recovering co-dependant, I feel like I should do more and try to repair. As a middle-aged, weary human being, I just want a friend that has a basic level of reciprocating some care, interest and effort. Help.

LucyVanPelt February 22nd, 2019 01:24 PM

Re: Thinking about dropping my bff
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by PeeWeeMomOf3 (Post 86711)
I think I would like to let go. I feel no ill-will, I love her, I wish her well and I miss the friendship that we once shared. But I think thatís it, there is no sharing anymore, just imbalanced effort and negativity. As a Christian I struggle with feeling selfish about this, but I have stood by her for many, many years. As a recovering co-dependant, I feel like I should do more and try to repair. As a middle-aged, weary human being, I just want a friend that has a basic level of reciprocating some care, interest and effort. Help.

You are free to just let the relationship drift. You are not obligated to maintain it.

You can leave the Christian guilt go, too. Scripture records many instances when Jesus let people go on their way. He didn't insist on being friends with anyone who wasn't interested in being a friend to him. Look at his advice to Judas, the Rich Young Man, the disciples who went to towns that rejected them, let the crowds leave when his teaching became too hard...

snafu February 23rd, 2019 05:13 AM

Re: Thinking about dropping my bff
 
It's hard to break habits ..... And interaction styles....you don't have keep trying with her....leave the ball in her court....if she doesn't reach out to you again, you have your answer.

PeeWeeMomOf3 February 25th, 2019 04:12 AM

Re: Thinking about dropping my bff
 
Thank you both. Good points, all.


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