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-   -   Do you think friendships can turn into more? Should i cut contact with him? (http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/showthread.php?t=7143)

tigerlily January 13th, 2015 03:29 PM

Do you think friendships can turn into more? Should i cut contact with him?
 
There is this guy that i have been talking to for a while now and we get on so well. I feel like i have known him forever and we have shared so much with each other and feel comfortable doing so. We met up and went for dinner one particular night. A few days ago he told me he really likes me as a person, finds me incredibly attractive, but he doesn't see a relationship based off of certain things. I think i reminded him a little bit of his ex who was very self conscious and lacked confidence. He said he was concerned that i would need constant reassurance and worry in a relationship.

Unless he was breaking it to my easy, he does appear to find me attractive and i feel there is extreme sexual desire between both of us, but the issue is i feel like i am way more invested in him than he is with me obviously, although i don't know if i could ever see a relationship potential because he does seem to view things so very different to me and casually, but i do still have feelings for him.

I wondered about whether we could have a fwb type situation. He never mentioned this once to me, but due to the sexual attraction between us i wondered, but of course the other side of me thinks it is a bad move because it will probably make me like him more and when he doesn't feel the same i will feel hurt and it will probably ruin the friendship.

So my question is, do you think i am too much in the friendzone? I would love for something to develop and maybe it would change both of our behaviors. I thought it was a bit of a snap decision to decide after one date he didn't see relationship potential, and when he talks to me i can't seem to shake off the whole really liking him thing.

Another thing is that when i don't feel someone could be a potential relationship i tend to be extremely laid back. I wondered if this could possibly make him start to like me if we are just friends, and part of me hopes it could. He is such a great person, and i don't not want him in my life at all but i am wondering if there is there a way to deal with this?

Do you think cutting off all contact would be better for me? I really don't want to but i just feel more time spent with him as friends will make my feelings grow. I just feel in a bit of a dilemma. He is constantly reaching out and talking to me.

Catwoman January 13th, 2015 03:36 PM

Re: Do you think friendships can turn into more? Should i cut contact with him?
 
He is basically letting you know up front, he has no intention of having anything long term with you,and if you allow it you will have a physical relationship, but I reckon you are the one who will get hurt in the end. As long as you know there is no future in it you will be ok.....honestly hes done you a favour telling you before hand...if you are looking for someone to build a relationship with, I would cut and run from this guy......and think how many other girls has he said this to??.....and how many is he on with at the moment??

All the best...:)

KayKay January 13th, 2015 05:32 PM

Re: Do you think friendships can turn into more? Should i cut contact with him?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tigerlily (Post 74523)
I wondered about whether we could have a fwb type situation. He never mentioned this once to me, but due to the sexual attraction between us i wondered, but of course the other side of me thinks it is a bad move because it will probably make me like him more and when he doesn't feel the same i will feel hurt and it will probably ruin the friendship.

Listen to the "other side of you." It is a bad move, you are setting yourself up to be used, and it will ruin your friendship. Who knows, you might even get an STD out of the deal.


If he's not interested, having sex with him isn't going to make him suddenly decide that the certain things that are make him not want a relationship with you don't exist. Walk away with your dignity intact, and be grateful that he didn't lead you down that path just to use you.


You're putting a lot of thought in to how to get him to like you. Why do you even want to get with a guy who doesn't want you? You are worth more than that, and it would be awful if you missed someone who wants to be with you because you were busy with this guy.

If you need to cut contact with him to get him out of your system, then do that. Otherwise, just be friends because there's no reason not to be friends with someone you hit it off with. But no fwb because that just isn't going to get you what you really want in the long run. :)

skcupik January 13th, 2015 05:43 PM

Re: Do you think friendships can turn into more? Should i cut contact with him?
 
Let the feeling fade - don't act on it. It will go away with a bit of time and you'll wonder why you EVER thought it would work. Enjoy the friendship if you can. If you can't, back out.

memyselfandi January 22nd, 2015 01:02 PM

Re: Do you think friendships can turn into more? Should i cut contact with him?
 
Funny that I was just talking to a friend of mine about this exact thing a few days ago and how dating a good friend you've known for years and then sleeping with them..it can either leave you hurt if they don't return the feelings after having sex with them; or leave a really bad taste (no pun intended..lol) in your mouth afterwards and thus, you never see the person the same way you did when you were friends that never went down the sexual road together.

Friends with benefits is for people that have no feelings for each other, except as buddies.

JumpingJake October 17th, 2016 08:35 PM

Re: Do you think friendships can turn into more? Should i cut contact with him?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tigerlily (Post 74523)
There is this guy that i have been talking to for a while now and we get on so well. I feel like i have known him forever and we have shared so much with each other and feel comfortable doing so. We met up and went for dinner one particular night. A few days ago he told me he really likes me as a person, finds me incredibly attractive, but he doesn't see a relationship based off of certain things. I think i reminded him a little bit of his ex who was very self conscious and lacked confidence. He said he was concerned that i would need constant reassurance and worry in a relationship.

Unless he was breaking it to my easy, he does appear to find me attractive and i feel there is extreme sexual desire between both of us, but the issue is i feel like i am way more invested in him than he is with me obviously, although i don't know if i could ever see a relationship potential because he does seem to view things so very different to me and casually, but i do still have feelings for him.

I wondered about whether we could have a fwb type situation. He never mentioned this once to me, but due to the sexual attraction between us i wondered, but of course the other side of me thinks it is a bad move because it will probably make me like him more and when he doesn't feel the same i will feel hurt and it will probably ruin the friendship.

So my question is, do you think i am too much in the friendzone? I would love for something to develop and maybe it would change both of our behaviors. I thought it was a bit of a snap decision to decide after one date he didn't see relationship potential, and when he talks to me i can't seem to shake off the whole really liking him thing.

Another thing is that when i don't feel someone could be a potential relationship i tend to be extremely laid back. I wondered if this could possibly make him start to like me if we are just friends, and part of me hopes it could. He is such a great person, and i don't not want him in my life at all but i am wondering if there is there a way to deal with this?

Do you think cutting off all contact would be better for me? I really don't want to but i just feel more time spent with him as friends will make my feelings grow. I just feel in a bit of a dilemma. He is constantly reaching out and talking to me.

I totally agree with all of the other posts here. Steer clear from any sexual contact. It is clear from your message that you really like him and any kind of FwB situation is only going to make you feel far worse. He has been clear that he doesn't want a relationship with you, so you should respect that, and yourself. If it's a relationship you desire then find it with someone who truly wants it with you, not with someone who only wants sexual relations with you. Betting on him changing his opinion is a recipe for disaster. You will only get hurt that way.

I think it sounds like you need to cut contact with him for a bit. Not necessarily permanently, but it can often help to give yourself a bit of distance from a person of desire to let the ardour cool off a little bit. Find some other distractions (love interests or otherwise) to make him less of a massive part of your world.

SunnyMay May 18th, 2017 11:22 AM

Re: Do you think friendships can turn into more? Should i cut contact with him?
 
I think that you should not spoil your friendship. In my case, this led to the fact that friendship is destroyed.


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