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margarettosan June 4th, 2013 07:42 PM

Friend problems.. and need advice!
Hi guys. So, okay. Here I go.

So, I am having a really hard time with a friend right now. Technically, she was my best friend. I don't know what really happened, so let me tell you what I DO know:

About a month ago, this best friend stopped participating in our group conversations. She would sit there with her head down and not pay attention to us. At first, I thought she was stressed with school...

About a week after that, she stopped hanging out at our table at school. I stopped getting her happy texts about her favorite anime and other stuff. I was kind of worried that I had done something wrong, so I asked. She said that she wanted to talk about it with me.

I arrived at school early the next day, but she didn't want to talk anymore. I figured to let her have her space: I didn't want to mess anything up. She was cool for about two days, and then she left again.

After asking her if the problem was me or our group of friends, I finally got so worried about her (she was acting really depressed) that I went and talked to her mother about it. I just voiced my concern, and told her mom what I needed to say.

The next day she comes up to our group and tells us (mainly me) off for "talking about her to her parents" and "stressing her out with our conversations." I guess we talk smack about people. The angering thing about that is that she does it too.

This wouldn't be a huge problem if it wasn't for the fact that we ran to be co-presidents together for our school club. I told her we needed to work this out, or things in the club would fall apart. She told me "there's nothing to talk about."

I don't know what to do. Everywhere I go, people I call my "best friends" just seem to stab me in the back. I'm getting kind of tired of it, and really need help.

snafu June 5th, 2013 04:55 AM

Re: Friend problems.. and need advice!
without knowing the two of you, the background, etc... I think you did the right thing (talking to her mom).

Is there a teacher she really gets along with/trusts? Could you talk to that teacher?

LucyVanPelt June 5th, 2013 05:00 AM

Re: Friend problems.. and need advice!

I don't know what to do. Everywhere I go, people I call my "best friends" just seem to stab me in the back. I'm getting kind of tired of it, and really need help.
Let's put this generality to rest, first. Is this really true or is it a dramatic exaggeration? It is okay if it's a dramatic exaggeration, but it's good for you to recognize it as such because this type of negative self-talk will affect your attitude eventually. If it is true, then you've been picking bad "best friends" and you'd be wise to re-evaluate the criteria you use to pick your best friends. I would advise you to stop talking smack about people. It's a good lesson to learn when you're young because it always comes back to bite you in the end, even if you're 92 in the nursing home!

Now, onto your best friend. I applaud you for going to your friend's mother. That was absolutely the right thing to do given your concerns. She may still be depressed and now her mother has information she may not have had before in order to keep an eye out for other symptoms.

You can't make your best friend better. You can't fix things if she doesn't want to talk. Be polite and friendly when you see her. Behave as if everything is "normal" when you have club responsibilities. Do what you have to do for the club and let her be responsible for herself.

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