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-   -   Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing (http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/showthread.php?t=1552)

snafu June 15th, 2010 04:48 PM

Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing
 
I know this is an old thread - that being said I just got back from my DM's & we worked on what she wanted when she passes.

We've got to go to her hometown to order a tombstone, but I think we've got most of the details worked out (music, casket type/color, etc.)


Now - I've got to get what I want done for myself in writting

snafu July 20th, 2010 05:19 PM

Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing
 
DM is fine, but I took her to pick out/buy her tombstone today.

She picked out what she wanted - it is supposed to be set by mid Oct.

Lizzie July 21st, 2010 04:01 AM

Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by snafu (Post 35060)
DM is fine, but I took her to pick out/buy her tombstone today.

She picked out what she wanted - it is supposed to be set by mid Oct.

Well, this is a good idea but I never heard of anyone going to all that trouble
I suppose it does make sure your wishes are followed!

snafu July 21st, 2010 04:28 AM

Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing
 
Lizzie - you can pre-plan funerals, etc. here in "The States"

It actually cuts down on families making expensive decisions at an emotional time (and can prevent families breaking out into WWIII :(:rolleyes:) - I've also heard of (but never been involved with) funerals where the funeral director doesn't turn over funds left (IF the family doesn't have the cash to cover the funeral, but does have Life Insurence - the policy can be signed over to the funeral director & once the check clears he deducts what you owe him and the rest is turn over to the estate-or at least its supposed to)

LucyVanPelt July 21st, 2010 05:35 AM

Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing
 
My parents preplanned their funerals. It was the oddest thing to go the cemetery and see their headstones with their names and birthdates on them while they were standing there next to me.

The good thing about preplanning funerals is that you can negotiate your contracts, especially with the funeral parlor, while not in a state of grief. Funeral parlors often charge exorbitant rates because the family arranging the funeral is grieving and doesn't want to seem cheap. Negotiating and pre-paying can save thousands of dollars.

Brownie July 21st, 2010 07:58 AM

Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing
 
My MIL has a CD at a bank specifically designated for her funeral expenses. (I can't remember what it's called.)

A few months before my Dad died, my sister & I made arrangements for his memorial and burial at my Mom's request. (I told Mom I was willing to make their funeral arrangements five years ago because Dad refused to pre-plan.)

Once our emotions were in check, we were quite surprised at what we found out. The funeral home we wanted to use was about 25% higher than our second choice. When I asked them about the price difference, we received the lower price. We found out we could bury Dad (and Mom when her time came) at the local Catholic cemetary even though we weren't Catholic. The Catholic cemetary had much better pricing for the urn and head stone (plus the quality was execellent.)

We are so pleased with Dad's final resting place! It is only 2 miles from my Mom's and very convenient to stop by to see him. I live about 500 miles away from my FOO and I stop by on my way in and out of town.

I am a true believer in pre-planning as much as possible. Right now DH agrees with pre-planning but still isn't interested in making the plans.

JemStar July 23rd, 2010 09:09 AM

Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing
 
I have instructions in the envelope with my last will and testament. There is some amount of leeway, for who knows what might be in 2050 (hope hope hope) for the after?

Some of the wishes are explicit, but of course within reason. I had to help with my mom's burial. My sis and I had no idea what we were doing or what she wanted and my father went into total denial mode. He wanted no part of it.

It woke us up to the knowledge that no one should just wing it at times like these. Or just dumped on someone to handle. She wanted no wake. Not to be laid out in a box. :eek: That was just a couple of the decisions we had to discuss with the funeral home.

I never want anyone to have those decisions if there is something I am adamant about. For one, I don't want the procession past the house. Dh does :confused: I don't want money spent on a slab of granite six feet tall, dh does. Things like that, I will be specific about. (There are funds set aside for this as well)

mikesb July 25th, 2010 01:47 AM

Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing
 
To set down final wisher in writing is not that easy to speak out of Chinese children's tips,but this article really say something and is argumentative.

LucyVanPelt July 25th, 2010 04:12 AM

Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by JemStar (Post 35104)
I never want anyone to have those decisions if there is something I am adamant about. For one, I don't want the procession past the house. Dh does :confused: I don't want money spent on a slab of granite six feet tall, dh does. Things like that, I will be specific about. (There are funds set aside for this as well)

You guys still do the processions past the house there? Wow, that is such an old custom I had forgotten about it! How will you resolve the 6 ft slab if you're buried together?

My mom and dad bought one plot double deep. They used to joke that whoever died first would go in the right way, but the one who died last would go face down on top. I don't know if that's still funny but it used to be before it became a reality.

Quote:

To set down final wisher in writing is not that easy to speak out of Chinese children's tips,but this article really say something and is argumentative.
What are the customs in China, mikesb?

snafu May 22nd, 2018 07:11 PM

Re: Encouraging Parents to Put Final Wishes in Writing
 
I know this is old, but people may need to revisit/update their wills (my DS is now an adult)


I also had a computer crash and lost everything that my DM wants


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