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snafu January 17th, 2015 03:45 PM

Re: Bank of Snafu
 
knot - really need suggestions on how to approach it appropriately


(ex- has borrowed $ from DS in the past, most recently ex told DS that he put DS's money in DS's savings account)

Mrs X January 17th, 2015 03:51 PM

Re: Bank of Snafu
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by snafu (Post 74556)


(ex- has borrowed $ from DS in the past, most recently ex told DS that he put DS's money in DS's savings account)

Do you mean your ex lied about it??? :eek::eek::eek:

Mrs X January 17th, 2015 04:06 PM

Re: Bank of Snafu
 
You could just ask your DS if he is happy lending money to his dad, knowing it may well be a permanent loan.

Something i think you struggle with, please know your DS (16?, 17?) IS old enough to decide this for himself, you need to be able to accept the answer whatever it is before you ask.

If your DS says no, he is NOT happy to be the bank of young Mr Snafu, and hes getting sick of it too, then you can just remind him of the story here with the gas money, and how you just kept saying no, and no to the photos, the year books, everything.

Good luck!

snafu January 23rd, 2015 07:14 PM

Re: Bank of Snafu
 
Mrs. X - I don't know.


Thing is, DH & I pay DS for his grades (we did the same for DSD). After DS loaned his grade $ to his dad, most of it goes in the bank now. (I don't know if he ever got that money back)

I worry that this will develop into a life long pattern

Knot2loud January 28th, 2015 07:56 AM

Re: Bank of Snafu
 
It could become a life long pattern.

My DD's ex-MIL would give her son $$ to give to the Gkids (B-Day Money) and he would end up keeping the money for himself. Nice guy, but he's still a turd.

I have a feeling your son will get tired of never getting paid back and will eventually stop giving him his money.

Just talk to your son about it. Ask him if he ever got paid back. It's a legitimate question out of your own concern for you son. I don't see anything wrong with you talking to your EX about it either. He should be giving his son money and not be taking it from him.

snafu August 21st, 2015 06:36 PM

Re: Bank of Snafu
 
I'm looking for suggestions for multiple things (trying to prepare in advance, just in case)



Item 1
- DS is taking a duel credit class, I got the bill Tues & it was due Fri. I paid it and let ex know I needed his half Sunday (when I pick DS up). In the past ex wanted to treat stuff like this the same way he did medical bills, which were due 30 days after I gave him the receipt.

Item 2
- School pics are next Fri. I told ex I'd need the money Sunday as well - he could write one check (for tuition and pics) if he wanted

Item 3
- DS is section leader for his section in band - that means he's responsible for loading and unloading his sections stuff at events; therefore he can't leave early (like he did last year when his dad had plans). DS told me this. I let ex know and ex tried to ask me why/if DS couldn't leave with him after the events. I repeated that DS is the section leader and he's responsible.


For items 1 and 2, I don't want to float $$ to ex. If he suggests it, would it be appropriate to just say "No" (without JADEing) and repeat as needed.

For item 3 IF ex brings it up again - what is a good way to refer him to the band director. I had to do the same thing last year & it seems that ex wants to triangulate again - rather than talking to her himself.

LucyVanPelt August 22nd, 2015 05:25 AM

Re: Bank of Snafu
 
#1 is a tuition bill. Do you have anything in your agreement? IMO, it's best that he pay his half directly to the school. If he doesn't pay his half, DS can address that with his DF.

#2-- if he doesn't pay for the pics, then I'd buy the smallest package I needed and let DS give him a pic if he wants.

#3, I'd stay out of it. DS can tell his father he can't leave.

In other words, drop the rope and let DS sort things out with his father now.

Mrs X August 22nd, 2015 01:37 PM

Re: Bank of Snafu
 
Snafu, I'm concerned for your sake that you are still grappling with this.

What Lucy says is the same advice you have had over and over. There isn't really anything else to say, you must pay your bit and let DS sort out the rest.

snafu August 23rd, 2015 10:32 AM

Re: Bank of Snafu
 
You guys are right - thanks I needed the kick in the backside :)

I'm still trying to rescue DS when his dad doesn't listen to him. :(

It would be best for DS to solve any problems with his dad himself, and I'll tell him that.


Tuition - I may have misunderstood when it was due - the info unclear to me .... what ever, its paid. In the future I will send a copy of any tuition statement to ex & pay my part. If ex doesn't pay his part DS will need to discuss it with him.

snafu August 25th, 2015 06:35 PM

Re: Bank of Snafu
 
ex paid no hassles :)


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