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-   -   Grandma is favoring grandchildren (http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/showthread.php?t=6303)

joanna31 November 30th, 2013 10:52 PM

Grandma is favoring grandchildren
 
Hello my name is Joanna I'm 23 I have two lil boys 4 & 5 whom I love with all my heart.
I have been having issues with my mother my boys grandma. I found this forum about grandparents and hoping to get insight and advice on how to handle this.

In May this year my brother had his first child a boy with his girlfriend (an old of friend mine) whom I'll add my mother always hated and blamed me for getting them together. Anyway I just want to also add his girlfriend is white blonde haired with blue eyes. Everybody in my family is Mexican brown hair brown eyed folks lol, except my mom she has green eyes but she is full Mexican though. Since my nephew took after his mother he has blue eyes and blonde hair. This is not an issue for me I'm not racist or anything but I am only saying this because it has something to do with the favoring on my moms part.

Since he was born she takes him everywhere with her, she is always telling everybody that he is white with blue eyes like showing him off because of that. It was kind of hurtful because it made me feel like my kids aren't special like my nephew because they have brown eyes. At first It did not bother me, I knew she would be a little excited since that is something different in our family, but it has been 7 months and it's the same. The other thing that hurts me is that every weekend she watches my nephew for hours, he even spends the night. But when it was my kids a while back she ALWAYS complained, saying I need to take care of my own kids, and saying I shouldn't leave them so late with her. I even dreaded having to ask her to babysit because I could tell by her voice she didn't want to. It got to a point where I got tired of the complaints towards the babysitting that I just decided to never ask her to babysit anymore. She never complained about that, it never bothered her at all. But when it comes to my nephew one week that she don't see him she goes nuts, she even called me once to ask my brothers girlfriend why she hasn't been at my moms house in a week.

Its hurtful that she would favor grandchildren. My mother has always favored though, I was the one that had to endure it all. My parents have been separated since I was two, and my mother has always told my brothers and I we were accidents. She favored my younger siblings (step-brother and sister) over my four older brothers and I (harshly too). I have never felt love from her and now she is trying to do the same thing to my kids with my nephew just because he is blonde haired and blue eyed.

You see in my family my mother has always tried so hard to be american (she's born in mexico), because she makes it seem like it's a disgrace to be mexican and does everything (holidays, decorating) american style, but now that she has my blue eyed blonde haired nephew she is sooo proud. It's so stupid to me, I have never cared, but since I was little I have always been told to speak english only, so people know I am american . I honestly don't care about any of that.

My mom hasn't called me at all in like 3 months to ask about her grandchildren. I didn't even show up for thanksgiving dinner and she didn't bother to call me. My other brother told me she just asked once, "I wonder if your sister is coming" he also said she had my nephew with her the whole time. Now all of sudden she acts like a craze grandmother glued to her grandchild, it's so stupid because she always told me she is tired of kids(she has 7 kids), "I just want rest already" her words.

She is obsessed with saying he has blue eyes and blond hair to everybody she has him every weekend, to parties, stores everywhere.

It's hurtful she doesn't care one bit about my kids. I feel for them because I have been hurt by this by the same person. I don't want to expose them to it.
To me she is a bad grandma, any advice on what I should do to handle this situation?
Should I never bring my kids around her or what? I figure this isn't healthy either, but it's not healthly for my kids to be put through her favoring. What should I do?

KayKay November 30th, 2013 11:10 PM

Re: Grandma is favoring grandchildren
 
Joanna31, I'm so sorry for your pain. What she is doing is awful and I'm so sorry.

I don't really have anything to tell you except hang in there. Concentrate on building your own life and making yourself happy. I'm so sorry that your mother is being so hurtful. Never let your kids feel "second." I have a feeling that you won't, because you've been there and know how much it hurts.

The only thing I will say is that while your mother's behavior is wrong, please don't take it out on your nephew. It isn't his fault he was born with the genetics he inherited.

Wait it out. I have a feeling that your mom will have some kind of conflict with your brother's girlfriend before too long, and the relationship between your mom and your nephew will change.

Again, I'm so sorry. This is such a rotten situation.

joanna31 November 30th, 2013 11:29 PM

Re: Grandma is favoring grandchildren
 
Hi KayKay,
Thanks for your reply, I agree with you, it hurts because she is my mom and I wished she loved my kids the same way she loves my nephew.
I have never felt anything against my nephew I love the little boy. I hope that he can have a relationship with his cousins but since they are mostly with my mom I doubt it, unless they do come to some disagreement.Even if they did I wouldn't bring my kids around her still. She'l just lose all her grandchildren in the end.
Also, thanks for helping me think positive, I agree with you, I constantly think and focus about making my life better because I want to give them the best. Thanks!

LucyVanPelt December 1st, 2013 08:45 AM

Re: Grandma is favoring grandchildren
 
I'm so sorry, Joanna. You should not have had to endure that harsh treatment as a child. Although I don't approve of your mom's favoring your nephew over your children, be glad of the blessing in that. Your children should be free to grow up in the unconditional love you will give them. Your poor nephew will have to live up to some steep expectations, and if that falling out comes, he may be extremely hurt when she drops him. :(

Continue to reach out to your siblings without your mother being gate keeper.

joanna31 December 1st, 2013 12:27 PM

Re: Grandma is favoring grandchildren
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt (Post 66417)
I'm so sorry, Joanna. You should not have had to endure that harsh treatment as a child. Although I don't approve of your mom's favoring your nephew over your children, be glad of the blessing in that. Your children should be free to grow up in the unconditional love you will give them. Your poor nephew will have to live up to some steep expectations, and if that falling out comes, he may be extremely hurt when she drops him. :(

Continue to reach out to your siblings without your mother being gate keeper.

Thank you Lucy,
You brought up a very good point, :) that is a blessing, my mom isn't a very healthy person to be around. Your right I should continue to reach out to my siblings even if my mom is around them.

karimakkan March 17th, 2016 11:40 PM

Re: Grandma is favoring grandchildren
 
IT IS REALLY A BLESSING !! Your children should be free to grow up in the unconditional love you will give them


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