Friends and Family Forum

Friends and Family Forum (http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/index.php)
-   Step-families (http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/forumdisplay.php?f=4)
-   -   how to kick out step daughter (http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/showthread.php?t=7733)

jigar February 18th, 2016 01:44 AM

how to kick out step daughter
 
I have a 14 years step daughter and she was with us when I married with her dad . she was 4 years old . before marriage I told her Dad , I hate this girl but he was mad about me and told , she will grown up and will go . I was young and I could not understand how hard will my life be . it is ten years that I am dragging myself in this life.every morning when she leaves home for school , I really appreciate God and in first 20 min in morning that she is getting ready to go, I am eating myself in very hard moments. This is story of all days and without her we had always very lovely life .
Now she is 14 years old , I am thinking a solution how to send her out after she turns 18 . pls help me if you have any experience, If you know there is any chance for other cities with home for young girls or universities ....

LucyVanPelt February 18th, 2016 03:54 AM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
That poor child had to grow up in a house where she was hated? I suspect she'll leave on her own. At least I hope she does, and I hope she shakes the dirt off her feet and never looks back at the adults who refused to love her.

Annsdil February 18th, 2016 08:25 AM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
I have no words. Other than and I'm sorry for bringing religion into this Lucy and KayKay but as you say you appreciate God, as the quote goes;

"if you hate anyone because of your faith, then you're doing it wrong".

I think you need to look to yourself to find the cause of your unhappiness, not your stepdaughter.

Knot2loud February 18th, 2016 09:53 AM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
You hated a 4 year old little girl? I am literally beside myself in unbelief on this one... A four year old little girl. I have a four year old grand daughter and she is the most precious, most inquisitive, sweetest, loving and happy little girl. She is loved by her mother, her father, her two older sisters and two older brothers. AND her grand parents - ALL of them!

And now this little girl is 14 and has grown up with a step mother that has hated her for the past 10 years. Then the father of this child who sacrificed his little girl for a selfish self centered woman who told him she hated his daughter - this four year old baby.

This is really the saddest post I have read in a long time. I sincerely hope this child hasn't been damaged to much and has found the strength within herself to endure and continue to endure in the future. I pray this child succeeds in life as an adult and finds someone who will love her unconditionally.

As far as you go jigar... I agree with what has already been stated... Look within yourself and figure out what caused your unhappiness... because it certainly was NOT this child. A baby (4 year old) doesn't have the mental capability to manipulate an adult into hating them.

KayKay February 18th, 2016 11:44 AM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
Where's her bio mother?

jigar February 18th, 2016 11:57 PM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
her own mother refused to keep her and gave her to dad . she never met girl after that . she lives in another country with 20 hours flight .

Annsdil February 19th, 2016 01:12 AM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
Do you have any feelings or response to all the other posts veggie KayKay's?

jigar February 20th, 2016 01:40 AM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
Thank you for your comments. I know all of them and I usually blame myself but I cannot I've up from my problems. I hope any of you who are replying me at least have such an experience . You lady are talking about your feeling about your grandchildren and of course they are sweet . I love my sister's children and my relative children as well. But when you jus marry with lots of dreams and a little <remove vulgarity> comes and make every dreams such a horrible life, you will hate her . pls help me how to find a solution when she turns 18 and get her out of home. help pls

LucyVanPelt February 20th, 2016 04:01 AM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by jigar (Post 79910)
Thank you for your comments. I know all of them and I usually blame myself but I cannot I've up from my problems. I hope any of you who are replying me at least have such an experience . You lady are talking about your feeling about your grandchildren and of course they are sweet . I love my sister's children and my relative children as well. But when you jus marry with lots of dreams and a little <remove vulgarity> comes and make every dreams such a horrible life, you will hate her . pls help me how to find a solution when she turns 18 and get her out of home. help pls

We do not use vulgarities like that on this forum.

You might have married with lots of dreams, but you-- the adult who had a choice in this relationship-- came into her life and made her dreams a horrible life. You blame her because you made the wrong decision. The best solution would be for you to take responsibility for the decisions you made and leave if you are so unhappy.

Sadly, because her father let someone like you into that child's life, I suspect he isn't any better. :(

Annsdil February 20th, 2016 05:44 AM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
When you partner with someone who has children, you accept the parent and children as the whole package. You should have married someone without children.

There are some fabulous step-parents out there who consider their step children as "bonus" children. They love and provide for their "bonus" kids as equal to their own children. There are plenty of step parents who come to the forum and there are plenty of us who have step-parents ourselves. There are also plenty of us who have had difficult times with our children or step children, but we look to problem solve the situation for the love of our families because we want the best for them. Some children put parents through hell, whether thats due to behavioral problems, diagnosed mental illness or disorders or addiction. Sadly some parents are the ones doing that to their own children or step children.

You sound very immature, selfish and very much a cliche "wicked step mother". I suspect there is possibly a smaller age gap between you and your step daughter than you and your husband. And actually, I don't think you will get the dream life you hope for when your step daughter is "out of the way" at what ever age that will be. Because there will always be something not "good enough" for you.

KayKay February 20th, 2016 08:51 AM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by jigar (Post 79910)
But when you jus marry with lots of dreams and a little <remove vulgarity> comes and make every dreams such a horrible life, you will hate her . pls help me how to find a solution when she turns 18 and get her out of home. help pls



(1) The little girl didn't "come" - she was already there. You chose to make her part of your life.
(2) If your dreams could be ruined by a child, your dreams were not well thought out to begin with. That is not the child's fault.
(3) "Hate" is a very strong word, and not typically used concerning children. It may be a language issue - do you mean "jealous?"

How does your husband feel about this? Is your marriage suffering because he is angry that you have such feelings about his daughter? Does he resent you?

She will leave on her own when she turns 18. You will not need to do anything to make it happen and it is very unsettling that you want to make such plots.

The only solution is for you to forget your dreams and leave your horrible life. Your daughter is legally your husband's responsibility. Legally and morally, he must provide a home for her. You would be wise to never come between them and never cause him to shirk his moral responsibility. If you feel so strongly about a 14 year old child that you are trying to figure out how to kick her out of the house when she turns 18, YOU need to leave. The problem will not automatically solve itself when she leaves the house.

She may no longer live with you after she is 18, but she will always be your husband's daughter. He will always feel love and responsibility for her, and she will always be part of his life. Eventually she will marry and have her own family and your husband will want to know his grandchildren. There will always be a connection there that your dreams can not remove, and unfortunately the more she struggles with her adulthood the guiltier he will feel for raising her in a home with a stepmother who hated her.

jigar February 21st, 2016 02:58 AM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
thank you , you are not in my life and you do not know how I married with my husband . we were in love and we are in love with each other . he told me she will stay with his family and will not bother us or also he told workers will help to grown up her but after marriage he did not do like that and all days she was in the middle of my life and everyday we were fighting together . now she is 14 years and I am worry about future. I cannot seperate as we have a child 6 years old and I prefer her girl goes other city for education after 18 years but I do not know how it happens.

jigar February 21st, 2016 03:00 AM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
I am really here to find a solution from you guys as really life without this girl was always smooth and sweet for all of us but when she is home , although she is very calm and obedient but always makes us nerves. she accept everything because she has fear of me but behind me even she hurt my own daughter . you cannot believe how quiet is she and how harmful is she . she never talks to any of us unless we say , you should say this sand that then after that she will just repeat same words to us . but behind us she is chatting with everyone . she is really hurting us.

Annsdil February 21st, 2016 03:17 AM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
I don't think you'll find any of us much help. If there is behavioural issues or medical issues behind it, consult a Dr or counsellor. But if the issue is that is she had bad behaviour then she is likely acting out on the hate and resentment you have for her. You wounded her from a child and as a wounded animal does; she is striking out.

You are talking to many of us who have been where your step daughter is. You are the adult and she is the child. She deserves unconditional love not animosity. You need to look at yourself first then hopefully you could actually do something nice and positive and help HER rather than be counting the years before you can "dump" her. You need to take responsibility for YOUR actions rather than blame everything on her.

KayKay February 21st, 2016 08:59 AM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by jigar (Post 79921)
I prefer her girl goes other city for education after 18 years but I do not know how it happens.

I'm not sure why you are here asking us. This seems like more of a question for academic advisors at her school?

My two kids are in college. It was an entire process of discerning schools, applying, getting accepted, deciding among options and registering. Their high school started helping them when they were about 16.

There are forums dedicated to college admission. Perhaps they can better answer your question, so I suggest you try one of them. Our forum focuses on relationships between people.

Mrs X February 21st, 2016 10:06 AM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
Hi jigar, I think you should show your husband this thread, then hopefully he will understand where the hurt and resentment come from.

Knot2loud February 22nd, 2016 06:25 AM

Re: how to kick out step daughter
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by jigar (Post 79922)
I am really here to find a solution from you guys...

You won't find a solution that will satisfy you from anyone here. My oldest daughter is my step-daughter. I raised her from the age of four. I made a conscious decision before I married my wife that I would love that little girl like my own and I did just that. I had no regrets whatsoever. She is now a wonderful wife to a great guy and a wonderful mother to five children (she also has a step-daughter (8yr old) and she loves that young girl). I treat her like she's my grand daughter too.

Kids are kids... You take care of them, you nurture them, you love them. It's the adults responsibility to do that. It's not an adults responsibility to dislike, ignore, be jealous or be selfish. You raise a kid right and they'll love you forever.


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:00 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2007, The BlueSparks Network