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-   -   ex ... and dropping the rope (ish) (http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/showthread.php?t=7633)

snafu December 13th, 2015 06:25 PM

ex ... and dropping the rope (ish)
 
DS is going to be going on a school trip in the spring

ex is paying for half the cost (and forgot to give me his share tonight when I got DS)

I told him to mail it to the school .... as its due a 2 days.


I think I need to tell him to send it directly to the school from now on. (there are 3 more payments)

KayKay December 13th, 2015 07:53 PM

Re: ex ... and dropping the rope (ish)
 
Yes. Yes you do. :)

snafu, step out of the middle!! Let your ex be the grown up he's supposed to be!

Mrs X December 13th, 2015 09:24 PM

Re: ex ... and dropping the rope (ish)
 
xxx Snafu we love you, but why are you even involved AT ALL? - If your son wants to go on the trip, he gets to organise it. You give him (or the school) your part of the $$$, his dad does whatever he and your DS arrange between them too.

Just gently here, at (17? 18?) your DS should most definitely have switched in and picked this up himself already by now - (probably telling you to butt out along the way if my DD is anything to go by).

I have 2 concerns over this not happening to be honest.
1. Time has passed by and you haven't been able to let him/help him/make him take that responsibility, or
2. He takes after his father, and either won't pick it up himself, or doesn't even recognise there is an issue.

Please, for your DS's sake, make him sort it out.

Annsdil December 14th, 2015 12:14 AM

Re: ex ... and dropping the rope (ish)
 
Snafu my DS (13) as you may know is type 1 diabetic. He is on a pump. He has a lot of problems managing it. When I was managing it I had perfect control over it and have done the best to hand the reins over to him slowly over the years. He still doesn't take it on board.

The diabetic clinic put it down to typical boy laziness. BUT he is now accountable for his choices. These are life or death choices but I'm at the point where he has to make them. I'm not to give any input to the clinic. HE had to tell them why HE hasn't done this or that.

It's hard but if I don't let consequences of his choices play out (and I wouldn't neglect his care to the point of him being seriously ill) and maybe he get a shock because of his choices, he's never going to realise that actually he does step up to the plate for himself. Because otherwise he may go out into the big wide world and then end up with blindness, amputation or organ failure. But I have to do this.

Whilst neither your son or ex experience the consequences of their actions because they know they have you to fall back on they don't need to step up.

Your son's trip didn't get half paid? He doesn't go. And because you may have lost the deposit, he also gets to pay that back to you.

This is teaching him about life in the real world on his own.

snafu December 14th, 2015 02:36 PM

Re: ex ... and dropping the rope (ish)
 
:)

I am officially "resigning"

Annsdil December 15th, 2015 12:10 AM

Re: ex ... and dropping the rope (ish)
 
😊 Once you make the decision to let go there is a huge weight off your shoulders, I promise. You are now teaching your son to be responsible for his own life/happiness and that will take him far! 💓

snafu March 19th, 2016 08:06 AM

Re: ex ... and dropping the rope (ish)
 
Anns (& everyone else) thanks


I'm feeling better/empowered by dropping the rope (not my circus, not my monkey ....)

Annsdil March 19th, 2016 05:38 PM

Re: ex ... and dropping the rope (ish)
 
Where's the *love* button! 😊

snafu April 19th, 2016 02:54 PM

Re: ex ... and dropping the rope (ish)
 
sigh .... ex is late paying his share for DS's dual credit class to the school ... I keep getting the notices .... and forwarding them ... I've left a message for the person in charge at school, but she's not gotten back to me yet.

LucyVanPelt April 20th, 2016 08:09 AM

Re: ex ... and dropping the rope (ish)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by snafu (Post 80551)
I've left a message for the person in charge at school, but she's not gotten back to me yet.

Will she also contact X?


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