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-   -   arrrgggg! DM (http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com/showthread.php?t=8184)

snafu June 25th, 2017 07:26 PM

arrrgggg! DM
 
This only happens occasionally....sigh.... when DM doesn't feel good she trys to pick fights with me ....

sadly this isn't a new thing - she did it when I was a kid too (I learned when she was getting a migraine before she realized she was getting one, 'cause nothing I did was right)

- I'm not going to let her yell at me, nor am I willing to yell back ... I either go to my room or to the basement.



I feel I should start documenting things and mail the info to mom's Dr.

ex:

- DH goes grocery shopping, DM will claim there is nothing to eat (this has happened multiple times)

- we have left over night ... I tell DM what her options are, she requests something that is no longer in the fridge (and wasn't mentioned).... even after being told it isn't there she'll insist that it is .... until about the 5th repetition

LucyVanPelt June 25th, 2017 07:57 PM

Re: arrrgggg! DM
 
I feel your pain, snafu.

Keeping notes on your DM's behavior might identify a problem.

I wish you luck on avoiding the fight!

KayKay June 25th, 2017 10:35 PM

Re: arrrgggg! DM
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by snafu (Post 84395)
- DH goes grocery shopping, DM will claim there is nothing to eat (this has happened multiple times)

- we have left over night ... I tell DM what her options are, she requests something that is no longer in the fridge (and wasn't mentioned).... even after being told it isn't there she'll insist that it is .... until about the 5th repetition

I don't know your mom, snafu, but these sound to me kind of like passive, hint-around ways that she's trying to tell you something. Do you think it could be that? I noticed sometimes people who aren't used to asking for what they want don't even know how to do it.

Does she ask for particular things when DH grocery shops? Maybe she's used to snacking on something that isn't there.

Does she ask for particular leftovers be saved for her for leftover night?

Curiously, both of your examples revolve around food. Has she adapted her eating style to your household's fairly well?

snafu June 26th, 2017 05:16 PM

Re: arrrgggg! DM
 
Mom will add a few things to the grocery list

Part of the reason she needed to move in was that she wasn't eating, nothing sounded good.


...mom was married to my Pita dad for years....he was the type to do the opposite of what he thought you wanted

KayKay June 26th, 2017 08:05 PM

Re: arrrgggg! DM
 
So do you think your examples are a sign of an illness? Dementia maybe? Or do you think she doesn't feel like eating and is trying to think of an "out?"

Has she been eating better since being at your house?

snafu June 27th, 2017 07:38 PM

Re: arrrgggg! DM
 
She has been eating better, and gained some weight


Other than that I don't know\understand why she is the way she is.

KayKay June 27th, 2017 10:32 PM

Re: arrrgggg! DM
 
Well, it seems that your dad trained her to not express her real wishes.

Annsdil June 28th, 2017 03:20 AM

Re: arrrgggg! DM
 
My mum did this all my life and when she lived with us. Once I learned it was a game because she didn't know how to express her requests directly I started dealing differently. I'd been conditioned to feel guilty and be a scapegoat all my life. When I started to take and act what my mother said at face value and not rise when she would get frustrated at me not acting on her hidden messages (and I knew when they were hidden messages). She then realised the only way for me to do what she really wanted wad to ask me directly. If she strops I remove myself and the kids from her environment.

Knot2loud June 29th, 2017 01:57 PM

Re: arrrgggg! DM
 
My mother was a master of laying guilt trips on you. Long story short... When I finally figured it out I would just smile, shake my finger and say "That's a No-No."

She was a pretty smart cookie all the way to the end. I do miss her.

snafu July 1st, 2017 12:36 PM

Re: arrrgggg! DM
 
argggg!!!!

DM's speech patterns get under my skin


...you need to ....

.... you should do ..... (instead of what I did)

I'll be honest, I left the house ... I'm fed up with things

she'd gone shopping with DH and when they got back, she told me I needed to help him with getting the groceries in ... didn't bother me as I was on my way anyway - and she'd said that she'd picked up a lot of extra stuff (yea!!!)

then, when I was putting away the groceries, she stood in the kitchen watching me - then tells me I can put the turnips in the fridge (I did need to know where she wanted them), but then tells me to put the (fresh) green beans in too, and to put the ice-cream bars in the freezer.

She may have just been looking to talk - who knows, but the way she words things is as if you're unable to do it without being told.

I'll admit - I told her I could put things away without her telling me where to put them. She mimicked me (about putting things away) and said that I was mean and heaven forbid if anyone gets in (snafu's) kitchen.

I yelled back at her and left the house.

... now here I sit/post....


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