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Old November 22nd, 2007, 10:31 AM
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Re: Acquaintances you'd rather not be friends with

grubby and snafu -

Thank you so much for your insight. I really appreciate it; you have given me a lot to think about.

You are both right about keeping an extra close eye on things. The good news is that I am a CPA and spent years working as an auditor, so I kinda do that out of habit. I have been keeping a very close eye on things, and so far everything (except this one incident) is kosher.

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Originally Posted by grubby View Post
Your friend is beyond "forsaking all others" and has moved on to "walking over all others" just to meet her goal of "saving" TW.
grubby, you are so right. Thanks for putting it so bluntly; it makes it crystal clear. That makes me so sad.

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Originally Posted by grubby View Post
Yet, your friend seems to be a on a huge ego trip in the process of her mission.
I put a lot of thought into this, because I think it's a really keen insight. I'm not sure I'd call it an "ego trip", but you're right... it's something.

My friend has a long history of helping people... really giving them a leg up, guiding them, and being behind them cheering them on. But before it has always been "helping" whereas now I think she (for the first time) is in a situation of "enabling". She has always before helped people who WERE trying to improve their situation; TW has more of a "the world owes me" attitude and doesn't want to take responsibility for improving herself. That's IMO... my friend feels otherwise.

Another tidbit is that my friend is about to have Empty Nest Syndrome. Her oldest is in college and her youngest is off next year (looking at out-of-state schools). Is it possible that my friend is just not using good judgment because of that? Can she be throwing herself into helping TW as a way of distracting herself from her future Empty Nest? My friend is a fantastic mom... the kind that always has kids coming to her for advice. She and her daughter are very close.

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Originally Posted by grubby View Post
I sincerely hope she realizes the mistake she is making before she alienates her true friends.
Me too, grubby. Me too.

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Originally Posted by grubby View Post
TW seems like the type of person who will bail when something better comes along.
Exactly. She is. My friend is not; that wil crush her.

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Originally Posted by grubby View Post
Unfortunately, this may mean distancing yourself from your friend unless you want to be dragged (kicking and screaming) in to the "save the train wreck" movement.
I have been distancing myself, and I have set very firm boundaries about saving TW. I'm still helping out the kids (giving them rides), but refuse to help TW with HER responsibilities (I stopped giving snacks).

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling better. Sad, but better, because I'm starting to be able to not take this personally and I'm becoming able to reomove myself emotionally. Thanks.
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