Thread: friend?
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Old April 25th, 2008, 08:43 AM
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Re: friend?

One of my personal beliefs, whether it is right or wrong, is that how you behave is more important than how you feel.

While it's "bad" that you have these feelings, it's more important that you haven't acted on them.

My - I don't know what you have to gain by remaining close friends with the other woman. It seems to me that it would be a constant temptation... a constant reminder of what you think you missed out on.

Food for thought - sorry... not trying to be harsh, but just IMO... it almost sounds like you are romanticizing "what might have been". Truth be told, nobody's the same in a romantic relationship as they are in a platonic friendly relationship. How did you feel about your wife when you were pursuing her?

And one last thing... I hope you really evaluate your feelings for your wife. I'm not trying to be mean... I just want you to think about HER. You would never leave her, and that's good and noble, but do you think she'd want to be with you if she knew the truth? (I don't know the answer... I'm just throwing the question out to you for consideration) Maybe the kindest thing for HER would be to let her go, rather than living a "false" life.

Just to let you know why I'm posting this... one of my friends found out in October that her DH was having an "emotional affair". He hadn't "done anything", but he was very much in love with a woman from his work - who had just gotten married... similar story. My friend was crushed and divorced him. He actually was glad for the freedom to pursue the other woman (and they are now together) and my friend is having to rebuild her life. She loved her DH whole-heartedly and sacrificed a lot for him. But she was so hurt; he had been living a lie and allowing her to believe it. The hardest part is the kids. They have two little ones who now don't have a Daddy at home. My friend will be fine, but the kids will be the ones to suffer. That's the part that upsets my friend. It doesn't sound like you have kids yet... My plea to you is to please do a lot of thinking before bringing kids into the mix.
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