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Old January 27th, 2018, 10:10 AM
nickj820 nickj820 is offline
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Re: Help, need assistance and guidance, please. Mother in law.

Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
I'm so sorry for your loss, nickj820.

The thing you have to do is step back from your cloud for just a moment and realize that your daughter will soon be at a point where she will move out of your house. Maybe she'll go to college, maybe she'll get a job and her own place. Whatever she does, it's a NORMAL transition. And to top it off, it's your ticket out of living with your mother in law.

You tell your mother in law that the arrangement was always intended to be temporary, and it is reaching the jumping off point. When your daughter becomes an adult (at age 18) she will start making plans for her own future that may or may not include living at home. As such, you are making plans for your future (buying a small home which won't have enough room for her) and in addition, you do not feel comfortable with the way it looks for you, a widowed male, to be living alone with a woman.

Of course she'll turn it around on you and say you are abandoning her. You just have to stay strong and realize that you have already done more for her than most. You can help her figure out where she can go or what she can afford, but you do not have an obligation to financially support her.

Does she have any other children?
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Your MIL was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer 6 months ago? That is the complicating factor here. She's not likely to be cured.

And you are probably not the best person to care for her through this illness.

Placing her with other children is a great option. Helping her find a long-term care facility is also an option.

Good luck.
Correct 6 months ago they diagnosed her with stage 4 cervical cancer and kidney cancer. Her other child and her do not really speak much
Plus he has bounced around in life with many issues. Drugs, medical problems ECT. Thank you for your input, like I said my wife was medically ill for about three-quarters of our marriage, taking care of my wife was one thing she was my best friend, I cared and loved her with all my heart and did whatever I could. For my mother-in-law not that I don't want to help her I will and I have, but I have my life with my daughter and I that we need to continue forward. Some people may see is it being selfish on my end, but it is not as I have supported this woman for about a decade, literally. And sometimes it's time to move on I have waited a long time to move forward. I love the lady and will help her but that help cannot mean providing her residence. Just throughout the course of her being around for the last 15 plus years most things revolve around her and she turns things on other people. Youre abandoning me or this or that ECT. Again thank you for your input I genuinely appreciate it, thank you. I forgot to add you are correct, stage 4 cancer usually leads to death. That is just how it works and I understand that as does my daughter, my daughter watched her mother, my wife be medically ill for a long time and I don't believe like you said I'm the person to care for her.
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