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Old September 28th, 2017, 03:34 PM
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Re: Daughter blames me for all her difficulties

Quote:
Originally Posted by frustratedmum View Post
I want to ask her what she plans to do about her "terrible affliction" and why now she's an adult hasn't she taken the steps I didn't. Maybe I am a complete ***** of a mother or maybe I am being emotionally blackmailed. What do you think? Ultimately its heartbreaking realising she has no coping tools and that has to be my fault I think.
I think you ought to ask her what she plans to do about her "terrible affliction" now that she's an adult (and has been for 4 years) and can take the necessary steps that you apparently didn't.

I think you're being emotionally blackmailed. Truthfully, I think she has other things going on besides OCD (maybe depressed?) but she has self-diagnosed OCD (which she may actually have) and latched on to it as a reason on which to blame her failures (which it may or may not be).

OCD runs in my FOO (I have a niece who has been diagnosed, and family members who were just considered "superstitious" back in the day before you'd run someone to a psychiatrist because they weren't lock-step "Normal"). I have never been diagnosed, but I certainly feel the pull of it. In my experience, OCD isn't really a tool used to punish someone else. But maybe I'm wrong. At any rate, she is crying out for help.

If I were in your shoes, I'd put the ball in her court. Offer to pay for whatever therapy she needs to get herself well and offer to help her find a way to get well, but make it clear that it's up to her to do the work to get well.

And next time she asks why she can't have it her way, remind her that she most definitely CAN have it her way when she gets her own place, but for now she has to function within the framework of the people she's living with.
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