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Old June 13th, 2018, 06:54 PM
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PeeWeeMomOf3 PeeWeeMomOf3 is offline
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Re: Were We Snubbed at StepFiL's Funeral?

Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
I'm sorry for your loss.

My thought is that death and funerals bring out so much unintentionally poor behavior from people. Nobody is really thinking clearly at the time, and it is very easy to make plans ("we need eight pallbearers" "SFIL loved Johnny's voice so he should sing") without doing an inventory of who was asked and who wasn't asked. At my father's funeral, my brother and oldest sister gave eulogies while my other sister and I were excluded for who-knows-what reason.

So my first question would be - how does your DH feel about it? Was he hurt?
My second question would be - is everyone being treated fairly under the will?

If your DH was not hurt, and everyone is being treated fairly, it would be harmful to start launching accusations.

If your DH was hurt, I'd have HIM go to the pastor and ask if he knew of any reason he'd be excluded. You don't want to approach in an angry or hurt way (because you can't change what happened) but rather in a "have we done something wrong that we can fix" way, since the family has a history of starting harmful rumors.
My DH is VERY hurt. I am in 100% agreement with you on the approach, of being like 'have we done something.' And I don't want to do anything rashly.

And thank you.

The will is supposed to be fair - sell everything and divide equally among 8 kids. But already there are rumors and even factual comments like this going thru the family: SFiL's 1st son was given his 'like new' Harley Davidson motorcycle a year ago (true), SFiL's youngest child and their spouse (the one MiL adopted) were given ?thoudsand$ to start their business 4 years ago (unproven, but likely); SFiL gave his daughter MiL's mink coat recently (the coat is gone and nobody is saying anything). 2nd Son/caregiver has a troubled son who was actually caught stealing and pawning MiL's jewelry on 2 occasions, and after she died in 2016 none of it was ever located, some of it was recovered, some was not. There was also a woman form their church, a homeless addict they were trying to help, that stole jewelry from her. She had hid the recovered jewelry and kept it hidden, and while in the hospital, right before she died, she told my DH and his older sis where to find it, but it was gone. The funny thing about my MiL was that she loved wearing CZ jewelry, though they were set in 14k gold, therefore many people thought she had many diamonds, but she only had a few genuine diamond pieces, she really thought that real diamonds were not a wise way to spend her and her FiL's money. Wow, this sounds like a soap opera when I write it all out. But it does not sound fair, because the scales are clearly tipped toward SFiL's bio family. Neither my husband, nor his siblings have received anything of value comparable to those items which are several thousand - 10K in range. :-( We have love and memories and those are priceless.
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