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Old April 4th, 2016, 12:38 PM
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Re: I need another opinion

Quote:
Originally Posted by JaydeeTas View Post
Hi all,

Thank you for taking the time to read.
I have been with my partner for a little over 3 years. we both have 2 boys each the exact age 16.

I have my 16 yr old 24/7. He has his son every weekend.

At the beginning of our relationship we both agreed to keep out families separate while we went through the courting stage.

3 months into it, I introduced my son. They got on like a house on fire. My children are very easy going and adaptable. They will go out without me even.

My partner however, kept his son away. This meant from Friday night to Sunday or Monday, I wouldn't see or hear from my partner. I found this very difficult as I love being with my partner and weekends are a time for leisure.

This became a constant argument for us and as a way of making things easier I moved next door to my partner.

After 3 years my partner is still not ready to live together, even though my partner stays with me 5-6 nights a week.

I see my partner on the weekends now (usually Saturday night as long as his son is out with friends) which is better, however, that barrier still exists.

Friday nights are the no go nights. He needs to spend time with his children alone..

*** Let me be clear, it's NOT the fact that he wants time alone with his son.I am ok with this. It's the "us and them" mindset that my partner has.

Even after his son goes to bed, he will not allow me next door to sleep in the same bed. we sleep in our own units.

He asked me to marry him on Christmas Eve, I said yes. I thought there was a sign he wanted to move forward. It wasn't. It still does not change the fact that he wants to keep me away from his children.

You might hear a bit of resentment from my words and I will be honest you're right. After 3 years and living next door to each other for 1.5 of those years, not rocking the boat and going along with what he wanted, you would think that we could at least attempt to being a family, even just for 1 night a week.

Right now we are on holidays and his son has come to his place so he has gone home to cook him lunch. Am I really asking too much for all of us to have lunch together?

Hi ex partner has a new partner, it is not like his son doesn't know who I am, we have crossed paths a number of times and he has always been pleasant towards me.

Am I being selfish? At times I feel like I am, but, then again, I am not asking him to not see his son, or to not see him alone. I just want to be a complete family... He believes that once his son has his license and car we will move forward. Could be 6 months, could be a year.

He is great to me. There is no reason to break up. I just want us to be in the one home and enjoying each others company, children included. I don't need to be everywhere he and his children are.

Talking to him only makes him feel pressured and he runs. How can I control this anxiety I feel. I just want to change myself and how I deal with this.

Personally I think HE is being selfish...this is a perfect example though, how completely different people are....
there also may be some underlying problem...I would suggest, you try and get him to go to counseling...with you, before you go any further into the relationship. You've already invested 3 years, to no avail...
This must be very frustrating....and to, perhaps he is trying to be extremely protective of this kids....doesn't want them to get hurt by a break up?
I'm just guessing but find this situation a bit much...and please believe, there is nothing your doing or feeling wrong. I just wouldn't go any further in the relationship, until you know for sure what is going on.
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