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Old January 8th, 2016, 04:18 AM
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Cremebrulee Cremebrulee is offline
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Re: I think they all hate me!

Originally Posted by TechDad View Post
My wife of almost 5 years and I recently bought our first home. We have known each other for almost 9 years. When we first met, neither of us noticed or (later when we found out) cared about the 16 year age difference. She is older. She has 3 kids from 2 previous relationships. 1 prior marriage.

When we first got together everything was great, her kids and I got along great. Now however it seems to be not so great. The oldest and youngest live with us in the new place and I truly love them both. But ever since we've moved in, I have noticed that they are acting strange to me. About 2 months ago I caught my step-son climbing on my stuff to get to my tool box to get a screwdriver, when my wife talked to him he said that my SH** was in the way and he needed a screwdriver. I blew it off, but it bothered me since it really shows no respect for me or my stuff.

Today my wife and I got into an argument about what I was hoping to eventually be my personal space, the garage. As it turns out, this is what has been the sticking point. My wanting my own space has presented a problem. My wife tells me that she doesn't have a space to herself so why should I. I tell her that I need a space to be a guy and work on things. She tells me that the garage is full of everyone's stuff and that it's basically never going to happen. She goes on to tell me that my 24yo Step-Daughter was in tears while wrapping Christmas presents because a leather skirt and a couple pairs of expensive shoes ($300+) were ruined in the garage because I put a box on them. And I guess that I have said in the past that I want the garage cleared out. Which I do, but not to the extent that it's being taken. It seems that my daughter is going to look for a storage unit to put all of her stuff in. My wife won't say it, but I'm sure that it's because she is upset that I want the garage. All I really want is a space that I can design. A space where I can set up a bench and a desk. Some where that when I'm home from working 60+ 70+ hours a week, I can escape to. Working on cars and listening to music is relaxing to me. But I don't have that at all right now. I can't even walk into my garage. But I don't want everyone mad at me...

So tonight, I consolidated my stuff into 1 corner of the garage, and told my wife that I give up on ever wanting to do anything in the garage. That I would rather sacrifice than have anyone else sacrifice. She went on to call me a maryter and tell me that I'm not sacrificing anything because all of my stuff is in a corner anyway. That if I just cleaned up my mess that it wouldn't be a big deal. She may be right, but I now I know that what I was feeling wasn't completely wrong.

I love my family, I don't want them to be put out or mad at me. I especially don't want them to uncomfortable. But I am at a loss and I feel like this has turned into them against me. Do I give up on my dream of being able to walk in the garage? Do I sit everyone down and tell them I'm sorry for being a jerk? Or do I just suck it up and sweep it under the rug and move on like I said I was going to do?

I am at a total loss and could really use some help or advise from anyone!
Do you feel like your being a Jerk? Don't sit them down and tell them all this, if you don't really think you are. That would be compromising your identity just to have peace, and peace at all cost, is no peace at all.

I don't think your out of line for wanting your own space, but what I have a problem with is, that you work what? 50 - 60 hours a week away from your family and when your home, you want to also be away from them more?

Then why are you married? See, we can't have it all...and here comes the uncomfortable part....If you were not away from your family so much, I could understand you wanting some personal space where you could escape to...but maybe your wife is feeling sad and lonely, b/c your not around so much, and the kids are picking up on it....therefore, they are upset with you? I don't know, the only way you could know this is, if you sit them all down and discuss this with them and communication is the basic step to good relationships, even if the other person tells you something you don't want to hear.

I would also suggest, that maybe when you were dating her, you were so much more attentive to all of them then you are now? And they miss you.

Remember, 1st comes hurt, then comes anger or disrespect. A person usually gets angry b/c they are hurt?

I believe the first thing I'd tackle is why the disrespect from the kids, and then talk to your wife and ask her why she refuses to allow you alone time in your very own personal space somewhere in the house, b/c she probably has alone time when your not there?

But I would also take into consideration, that you are away a whole lot, and that's not good for a relationship...

Good Luck
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