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Old February 4th, 2018, 03:40 PM
rattlesnake rattlesnake is offline
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Re: Here we go again with the step mother to be

KayKay,

As a parent myself, I can definitely empathize with why you limited your children's time with the inlaws. Safety was the issue. Everything you say makes sense but neither bio parent is concerned about the safety of the children with me; if anything DS has always told me I worry too much and should just let the kids play in the yard, stuff like that, without much supervision, other than checking now and then. He would have an attitude more like your inlaws. And believe me there have been more close calls than I care to mention for those kids with either the mother or the father (yes my DS) being the one "watching" them.

And these are part of the reason I have a hard time stepping back, but I know time is changing and you are 100% right that I will be a more traditional grandparent now, rather than having an almost parental role to the kids. And you are also right that it is hard to try to make that step. I love those kids so much and they love me the same way.

You are also right that I must be ultra careful to follow FDIL's rules right now or risk her limiting time the kids spend with me on HER CLOCK. I fear that anyway but have already talked to their mother after the Christmas fiasco and she has assured me that she would always allow me to spend time with the kids as I always have so the bigger worry is I just plain want to get along with FDIL. I really do. I hate families fighting and not getting along more than you can imagine. I never took my own XH to court for exactly that reason! I had plenty of reason to do so, but figured it was better to be peaceful, stay out of court, for the kids' sakes.


I love my DS and want him to be happy! I've said it many times: she has many good qualities to be appreciated.

Back to the texting topic, I don't think she sent the group text for any special reason other than that's what FDIL does. She doesn't think it is airing dirty laundry. She thinks it is good "communication." I am willing to admit for me it may be partially a generational thing. That is NOT what I would do! And if it is not directed at me, I do my best to ignore it. The last time it was about recurring lice. She just wanted me informed that time, I guess since I had nothing to do with why the kids got lice, but was always involved in helping treat it. I did not respond in any way that time.

But the way she did it was so much the same topic my DS got arrested for it sent chills down my spine. Yet xDIl and her bf responded somewhat rationally, admitting the lice came from her sister and they were going to stop having her watch them. This was deja vu except this time xDIL did what she should have done instead of having DS arrested, the previous time. By the way the judge flat out said he believed her and not him, and would not listen to any other testimony, look at any texts or anything! And DS got a summary offense and $700 fine.

Bottom line, I appreciate having someone to discuss it with, so thanks. Do not worry, I get it. I get that regardless of my different reasons for concern, the situation is changing.
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