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Old August 2nd, 2017, 10:40 AM
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Re: My mother hates my brothers girlfriend

Full disclosure, KBraidYellow -- I have a 22yo son who still lives with me. He is in college and we're still supporting him so for my own economic reasons, I'd rather not pay rent for him to live alone. So I understand about having an adult son living in my home.


Quote:
Originally Posted by KBraidYellow View Post
Like, yesterday, my mother was tidying his room and she discovered more of the girlfriends belongings and came to the conclusion the girlfriend is leaving her stuff just to anger her
Maybe this is why your brother is unhappy. Even if you and your mom don't nag him, he has no privacy. If I were his girlfriend, I'd be pretty horrified that your mom was in his room, seeing my belongings. I had an experience before my husband and I got married where I was staying in my now inlaws' house for a week or so between moves (at their invitation) and my mother-in-law went into the room I was staying in and the bathroom I was using and messed with my "stuff." That has been 27 years and I'm still creeped out by it.

What I think is two-fold:

(1) This is between your brother and your mom. I realize you're in the middle of it since you live there, but I get the feeling you think you need to do something to solve the problem. You don't. It is between your brother and mother. It is more than a roommate situation, in which case you would be involved. It is a mother-son situation, in which case they need to work it out between them, without involving you. They are having a power struggle.

(2) Your mom needs to accept that her son is an adult and can make his own decisions, even if they are poor ones. She has no business "tidying" up his room and she needs to stop "coming across receipts." That is very close to snooping. I understand why the situation has you upset (since he doesn't contribute to the rent) but I also understand why he's irritated. What I don't understand is why he doesn't move out?


ETA: I'm curious. What do you plan to do if you marry? Will you and your husband live with your mom?
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