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Old September 21st, 2016, 09:59 AM
ai08 ai08 is offline
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Angry Father in law over stepping boundaries

Hey y'all. My husband bought a vehicle before we got married. He could not afford to continue to make the payments for a few months when he was between jobs so his parents took over the payments. Both my husband and his father's names are currently on the title. When my husband found a good job, we resumed responsibility of the car payments. We also offered to pay them back for the payments they had made, but they declined saying that they used the vehicle while they had it, so they didn't have a problem with paying to use it. Well, about 4 or 5 months ago we had enough money saved up to just pay it off in full, and since his dad's name was still on it we decided to go ahead and pay it off completely so we didn't have to worry about monthly payments anymore and could take his name off and add mine. The interest rate was super low, but I was sick of constantly being reminded to make the payments by our in laws, so we mostly decided to pay it off 2 years in advance just to get them off our backs. I wasn't in a huge hurry to get my name put on it; we have a 1 year old and we both run 2 separate small businesses so we're pretty busy. But last week I text my MIL and asked her if we could go ahead and get the ball rolling. She said sure, and to just come over whenever we had time.

Well, yesterday my husband gets a text from his dad stating that he will give us the title when we give him documentation stating that my husband's PTI is 100% finished. About 5 years ago he got caught speeding way over the speed limit, so he was given the option of PTI and took it. He has completed the course and has satisfied everything for the court. He learned his lesson and is a much better driver than me now haha. The only thing we have not done yet is pay the court fee to have his record expunged. It is a $300 fee and I was planning on paying it in January. My husband is a professional ballet dancer and we will have the funds to pay the court fee after he gets paid for the 3 different nutcrackers he will be performing in.

But I just recently started having seizures, and while my insurance will cover my medication and my testing, it will not cover my appointments with my neurologist. The first apt was $300, and each one after will be $175. This was not something that we had worked into our budget so it really threw us off. Especially since we have been working towards enrolling our daughter in a Montessori program in January when she turns 16 months. It requires a $300 registration fee and will run us about $100 a week, give or take. Not the most expensive, but we've had to save up for it.

There is no due date to pay the court fee. We can pay it whenever, and his record will be cleared. But we aren't even worried about it. His "record" has not affected our quality of life, nor has it caused him problems with employment. Honestly, it wouldn't bother us if he never cleared it (although we will, if only so his parents can sleep again...). My husband has his own ballet studio, and dances professionally for companies across the south. But we just opened his studio (without taking out a loan, might I add) so we aren't exactly rolling in the dough right now lol.

We are both adults. We paid off the car loan. The fact that he is literally refusing to give us the title until we give him proof that my husband's record has been expunged is infuriating. It is none of his business, quite frankly. I'm just not sure how to address him. We are angry that he is essentially threatening us, but I don't want to be rude and cause a rift. My husband has completely stopped communicating with his dad because of this. (It's only been a day, but still. The longer this lasts the worse it will get.) I don't want to make things worse but I just can't stand to have his dad over step like this. Any advise on how to handle this without making things worse? Because at this point I'm so angry I just want to be petty and tell him he can see his granddaughter when he gives us the title. I would never do that, but it's tempting...

Helppp
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Old September 21st, 2016, 10:53 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Father in law over stepping boundaries

I'd just point out to him that it's no big deal to you... as long as he is on the title, if something were to happen involving the car he'd be liable instead of you. No need to be rude or unpleasant. Consider it practice for when your 1 year old gets old enough to ask for things she doesn't need or want.

Honestly, I'd just walk away from that battle simply because any engaging about it invites your father-in-law further and further into your business. Don't give him any explanations, because that invites him to comment about your financial situation. Let him be on the title and let him twist in the wind about his liability if something happens. And never, ever allow your in-laws to "help" financially again. There's a saying - "The cheapest way to pay is with money."
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Old September 21st, 2016, 11:20 AM
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Re: Father in law over stepping boundaries

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
I'd just point out to him that it's no big deal to you... as long as he is on the title, if something were to happen involving the car he'd be liable instead of you. No need to be rude or unpleasant. Consider it practice for when your 1 year old gets old enough to ask for things she doesn't need or want.

Honestly, I'd just walk away from that battle simply because any engaging about it invites your father-in-law further and further into your business. Don't give him any explanations, because that invites him to comment about your financial situation. Let him be on the title and let him twist in the wind about his liability if something happens. And never, ever allow your in-laws to "help" financially again. There's a saying - "The cheapest way to pay is with money."
Seriously. We learned that lesson the hard way. I just wish he'd back off! The only reason I want him off the title asap is because every little thing that happens to the vehicle he acts like it's his place to say something. I'm about to rip my hair out haha
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Old September 21st, 2016, 01:58 PM
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Re: Father in law over stepping boundaries

It sounds like he knows he's liable because he's on the title.

No one had a written agreement with this car? I don't know what state you're in, but some states also honor verbal agreements. What was that? He cannot add additional terms after the fact.

At the same time, dear, this really is between your husband and his father. As KayKay suggested, walk away from the battle. Let them sort it out, or not.

And for your own liability, don't add your name to the title, either.
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Old September 21st, 2016, 01:59 PM
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Re: Father in law over stepping boundaries

He isn't going to back off. That car gives him the "right" to criticize his son.

What "every little thing" happens to the car? Are you talking about normal repairs or something?

You mentioned that you aren't exactly rolling in cash right now, but it sounds to me like you are good budgeters and planners. Is this situation troubling enough to you that you can just park the car in your father-in-law's driveway and make do without it? Would you be willing to sell the car for blue book and buy another (maybe not as nice) car with the cash?

Your father-in-law isn't going to budge so you'll have to figure out how to untie that knot in another way.
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Old September 21st, 2016, 06:23 PM
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Re: Father in law over stepping boundaries

aside about seizures- things that used to/that could trigger mine were: hyperventilating, strobe lights, the effects of waking & sleeping {changes in breathing /oxygen level in blood}, stress/anxiety, not enough rest/sleep


they never found the cause of mine ....
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Old September 22nd, 2016, 11:08 AM
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Re: Father in law over stepping boundaries

I had to look up what a PTI was... Is. Personally, I don't see what the problem is with your FIL gifting over his half of the car - regardless of the PTI. What liability does he have for either the PTI or if his name is off the title?

I, for one, would be more than happy to get my name off the title of a car if I wasn't going to drive it or have any responsibility over it. I've done that with both my kids and a BIL.

I would recommend you take care of that $300 for the PTI ASAP so you can get FIL off you back. Why continue on with the aggravation? Get it behind you.
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