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Old October 2nd, 2015, 02:20 PM
Hopeless Hopeless is offline
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Exclamation Trouble with brother.

So it is my first post here and hoping to get advise I really need. So I'm 23 years of age and my brother 27. Me and my brother used to be good friends but recently we have not been able to stand each other. I feel that he is always criticising me and only have negative things to sat about me. Everything I do seems to irritate him and in turn I started to retaliate. It has gotten to the point where he hates me and I'm starting to hate him. I have mo idea ehat started this it just graduadly started and has escalated to this point.We have talked where he just walked away saying it's better not to even see each other anymore and that he can't stand me so there is no point in trying to rectify our relationship. The problem comes in that my mother blames herself for this and continuously cries, it has gotten to a point where we can't have a family dinner together and it is making my parents really unhappy. I have tried just ignoring the gibs but after the 5th 6th one in an hour I just can't anymore. Does anyone have advise on what I can do about this.
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Old October 2nd, 2015, 02:29 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Re: Trouble with brother.

Siblings often argue and dont agree. This is because they even though they are related they are different people and have different ideas. I suggest you and your brother give each other some space, and if you do talk keep it light and about the weather. Dont go too in depth with each other. You just have to look for ways to minimise the arguments...space is a good start.
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Old October 2nd, 2015, 03:09 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Trouble with brother.

What types of things does he criticize you about?
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Old October 2nd, 2015, 03:34 PM
Hopeless Hopeless is offline
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Re: Trouble with brother.

First off thanks for the replies. As far as space goes I think best option but the problem with that is it still makes my mom and dad sad. I really love them and hate hurting them but in same time i cant stand the toxicity my brother brings in to my life. As to what he criticized me about literally everything. From my work to my habits ,everything I do seems wrong. Every opinion/achievement I have gets shot down and billittled by him. An example was that I got accepted to do my masters in law next year instead of saying well done he told me that I'm wasting money and that it is no achievement that everybody can do it.
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Old October 2nd, 2015, 04:30 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Trouble with brother.

Oh wow. Thanks for the answer. I wanted to be sure he wasn't criticizing you for something laying around in your parents' house in your underwear all day drinking and playing video games, because that is criticism out of love and concern and there is a difference.

But it sounds like he criticizes your growth as a human being, and that is simply petty.

I agree with the space, but I understand that you don't want your parents to be sad. Do your parents defend you at all? I think if my older kid was picking on my younger kid unprovoked like that in my house, I'd probably tell him to knock it off. Having it escalate into a fight is disrespectful to them.

So I think what you need to do is first realize that his opinion of your life is irrelevant and have comebacks ready to hand him which will diffuse the situation by not allowing it to become a fight. Not mean, put-downs. Just comebacks that make it clear that his opinion of your life is irrelevant. Such as "Oh, okay" or "I didn't know that" or "Yeah, I can see why people think that." And then smile and ask him to pass the potatoes.

He is provoking you to bring you down to his level. If you refuse to play the game, he loses his power.

Everyone at the forum is probably tired of me posting one of my favorite sayings, but it really, really applies. Remember this - "Win or lose, when you fight with skunks you end up stinking."
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Old October 2nd, 2015, 06:51 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
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Re: Trouble with brother.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post

Everyone at the forum is probably tired of me posting one of my favorite sayings, but it really, really applies. Remember this - "Win or lose, when you fight with skunks you end up stinking."

I love this quote, its so true!!..
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