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Old December 28th, 2016, 09:15 AM
Brookiedee Brookiedee is offline
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Angry MIL causing issues with Husband

My husband and I have been together for just over 6 years, and only married for 4 months. Last year, my MIL moved out of state because she could no longer afford to live here since my husband was moving out of her house. We just bought a house 10 months ago, and since then my MIL has stayed with us 5 times. Most times were just a few days, but she just came out for Christmas for 8 days and it is sending me over the edge. She is leaving today! We were really excited to have our first married Christmas in our new house until she told us she was coming. I was really upset about her coming, but my husband always tells me I need to deal with it and put up with her for only a few days out of the year. My issue is that she isn't asking if she could come, she tells us. You can feel the tension in the room when she is over and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. My husband doesn't understand how much I hate when she comes. She cries to him all the time about having no money, no friends, her family doesn't love her, the list goes on and on. I feel like she is crying to him to make him feel sorry. She has to know that I don't like her coming here, I make it pretty clear. Not to mention, the last time she came she brought her dog without asking. This dog pees all over the house, the couch or anywhere if you talk to it. When I said something about the dog she started crying saying she feels unwelcome in her own sons home. Of course I apologized after that. She mentioned about coming here in 3 months for 3 days. The day she would leave is the day that we are leaving for our honeymoon out of the country, and I really don't want her hear while we are packing and getting ready to go. I have mentioned it to my husband but he hasn't said much because he feels like he is stuck in the middle. I always end up being the bad guy. What can I say to either him or his mom to tell her I would like her to ask before she books a flight and I don't want her here the day before our honeymoon? She tells me she doesn't want to cause trouble, but I feel like she knows she is causing trouble. My husband and I never fight, until we get to the topic of his overbearing mother who wants him to stay her boy forever. Please help before I really hate her and things get worse!

Last edited by Brookiedee; December 28th, 2016 at 09:19 AM.
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Old December 28th, 2016, 09:42 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: MIL causing issues with Husband

Oh, boy, you married a man who thinks he is responsible for his mother's happiness. He needs to learn, "Happy wife, happy life" instead. The conversation has to be with your DH. You want to be respectful of his mother, but he has to know that the wife always comes first. Always.

She feels unwelcome in her own son's home? Too bad. This home is 100% your home as it is 100% his. You both have a right to veto overnight guests. Tell your DH that you will not have your MIL over right before you leave for a honeymoon. He can tell her, or you can tell her it's not convenient and counter with a date after you return. She won't like it, but she's a grown woman and has to learn to deal with disappointment some time.

In the future, when she wants to come for an extended visit and insists on brining the dog, book her a hotel that allows pets. Many do. You will all be happier for it.

Good luck!
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Old December 29th, 2016, 01:03 AM
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Re: MIL causing issues with Husband

<snicker> Sorry, I had to laugh about this one. Yes, your husband is stuck in the middle and he won't get out of this jam he's in until he grows a nut and makes a few rules with his mother.

I've been there with the manipulative - feel sorry for me mom BS. Personally, I think moms with sons become serious drama queens when they lose their boys - especially when dad is gone - then the sons take over the role. Gawd... I could tell you a few stories. It would drive me up the wall... 10-11pm phone calls to go reset the TV 'cause she doesn't want to bother her friend who is next door (literally 10 feet away). Order a pizza and call me to pick it up. My wife would be flabbergasted over some of the antics. Eventually those all came to an end, but these moms can be pretty creative.

Quite frankly... She's going to haunt you until she's dead.

The good side is... Your husband can learn to say the magic words: "We're busy this weekend" or "We have already made plans" or "We'll be out of town on those days." Whether or not those excuses are true... <shrug> Who cares? Mom's not coming. Time for you to be creative too.
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Old December 29th, 2016, 02:26 PM
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Re: MIL causing issues with Husband

My two cents

Find a leave and cleave marriage councillor... Not a go along to get along councillor
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Old December 29th, 2016, 08:13 PM
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Re: MIL causing issues with Husband

Hi Brookiedee! Welcome!

I have been reading and re-reading your post, trying to think of what I wanted to say in response, and decided I need more information. I see a lot of things going on here, and the good news is that I think there are a lot of things you can do.

First and foremost - "Of COURSE your mom is welcome, dear. It's the DOG URINE I have problems with. She has to leave the dog behind."

So, my question - can you explain what makes you so uncomfortable during her visits? Why don't you want her coming? There are probably 50 good reasons, LOL, but what we have to figure out is how to set your boundaries about what is acceptable and not acceptable to you.

Just for you to know about me - my MIL is never, ever invited to our house because she is uber nosey and the few times she has come, she opened up cabinets, drawers, closets, hampers etc. to snoop. She is clearly disappointed with my decorating skills ("Sigh, maybe SOME day you'll be interested in decorating your house.") and on the constant lookout for evidence that I'm a poor housekeeper. She has even opened up my washing machine to see if I keep it clean on the inside and brought a can of air freshener from her home.

Is that the type of thing that makes you uncomfortable? Or what? Can you give more detail?
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