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Old September 14th, 2017, 08:17 PM
Hillhouse Hillhouse is offline
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Am I losing it?

About five mths ago I found out my older brother was living in his car after a fight with his girlfriend, we aren't close, never have been, but no real issues either. I am a single mom who raised my daughter alone for 20 years and its always just been me and her, but I have medical issues and am dying. I get weak, am in pain a lot ect so I keep my bedroom in the living room and had an extra bedroom upstairs. I invited him to come stay with us until he could get on his feet since I felt horrible him staying in his car.

My daughter put in a request at her work and he got a job there, he had worked since about the third week here (he wanted to wait and get all his unemployment so he waited the three weeks to take the job...)

ok fine, we are tight as hell on money, I am on disability and my daughter can only get part time where we live, neither of us can drive.. I am blind and she hasn't been able to find someone to teach her or take her to get her permit so we struggle and I told him he would have to buy his own food/feed himself because I couldn't do that.

#1 he agreed then proceeded to eat everything we had stocked up within the first few weeks. He didn't replace it. He's a big guy and has more than a huge appetite.. example those huge stauffer's meat lasagna's.. my daughter had a small piece, I had a reg size piece... at one sitting he ate everything but one small piece and then complained there were no vegetables ect.

This was the first issue .. I am hungry, my daughter is hungry, we haven't had a full fridge (or stomach) since he moved in. He keeps complaining he is losing weight, he *****ed about my brand of coffee, which he drank all of and never replaced I don't even drink coffee anymore.

Now let me express he doesn't do this in a mean way.. he is in no way abusive just OBLIVIOUS.. I tell him he has to pitch in 200 for groceries after making a list of what I needed to feed us all ... and he goes to the store, spends 120 on his hair stuff, men's shower gel, toothbrush, razors replacements nail clippers cuz he broke mine (I can't use them mine were a set for blind ppl and he bought normal steel ones.) I may also add at this point he rearranged my kitchen.. I'M BLIND.. he knows this!! Now I can't find anything haven't been able to since the first week.. I stay quiet, let it slide.. don't have anything to cook anyways. The other 80 he spent on things like hot dogs and buns the BIG ones... in bulk .. 36 or so to a pack and the same for buns.. he eats 8 i a sitting and calls it a snack (no joke) those lasted about 4 days .. along with the other food he bought.

I finally say no more. Feed yourself, stay out of my kitchen. Flat, blunt, hints weren't working, neither did saying he had to feed himself, I had to crack down. I did. So ok he goes out to eat now. He doesn't help with bills.. whatever right? I have to pay them regardless. So I shut up. Then he starts going out sometimes in the evening, drinking... he comes home sits on the edge of my bed and rambles about how hit the girls think he is at work and how he finallly got his life straightened out, everything is so GOOD for him now.

I shut up. Not a word.. Can you guess what I am thinking??

My condition causes severe blood clots, I have had over 20 Pulmonary embolisms and that's JUST PE's not other clots.. one of those is what cost me my vision. I cannot get hit or bumped, anything or I get a clot.. period. I made this clear and I don't leave my house because they started getting out of hand with the vision loss. I don't ask for help I just get through it. I did however inform him what was going on with my health and how dangerous tripping falling hurting myself is ... sooooooooo

He dropped a bag of rolled garbage bags on my stomach while I was sitting in my recliner... because I was on the phone and didn't answer him right away when he showed me he brought some home from work. Now I have three clots, my stomach (which was bruised) and the two that broke off going to my lung and leg on the right side.

3 days I am home from the hospital, and I am sitting drugged up on pain meds, cant move, can't breath, but still doing everything in the house. ALL OF IT! No help. He is standing beside me, poking at me, trying to tease me into a better mood, I ask him to stop, I tell him to stop.. he doesn't stop so I scream DO NOT TOUCH ME! he walks away offended and pouting, doesn't hardly talk to me after that.


He had a suspended license, no big deal he had to pay a fine because he didn't register his car but he never used it he could walk across the town he lived in within 15 minutes of slow walking. stupid rule that you have to pay to keep up a parked car, didn't think anything of it.

But now he is here, we don't have a car, tremendous help if we can get one. four months I asked him to get that stuff sorted and he just did it a week ago. But it still needs a battery now that its here and he needs to renew his license. That's never gonna happen right?? you get this?

ok whatever I shut up.

Now here I am, along with his car he got his stuff from his ex's house. ITS ALL OVER MY LIVING ROOM. I keep bumping into things that aren't supposed to be there, I can;t get to my freezer and my dog's dishes because there is stuff in the way and I cant LIFT anything like that.. they are heavy! There is a DESK propped against my living room wall, blocking a door and my path to my bed. I have a basement, I asked him to take it all down tot he basement.. he doesn't, I ask again explaining why, he still doesn't .. doesn't even ACKNOWLEDGE me, then again and still no .. I don't want to fight, I have no energy so Last night i try and move what I can .. I started coughing up blood and oh wow do I hurt... my lungs are killing me, I am throwing up.. so today dragging my sorry butt out of bed I go upstairs and yell .. you need to move that stuff I can't do it .. he gets up and walks out of the house.. he came back an hour ago when I pleaded pleassse pleasee move it.. he doesn't even LOOK at me ..

I'm raving, ranting, acting like a lunatic, I never beg.. not even for a ride when my life is on the line or I am starving .. but now I am begging.. I don't want to be the evil ***** who tosses his stuff down the stairs, way to dramatic for me.. and it would hurt but I need it moved and I need him to stop ignoring me it may be dramatic but I am dying here for gods sake give some peace is that to much for me to ask in my own house???

Last edited by Hillhouse; September 15th, 2017 at 07:42 AM.
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Old September 14th, 2017, 09:48 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Am I losing it?

Do you have any kind of social assistance who comes in to check on you for your disability? You can mention to them the problems that your brother is causing and they can talk to them, right?

Can your brother teach your daughter to drive?
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Old September 15th, 2017, 06:29 AM
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Re: Am I losing it?

I'm thinking, "Now you know why he was living in his car" and "No good deed goes unpunished."

It's time for your brother and his stuff to go.
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Old September 15th, 2017, 07:11 AM
Hillhouse Hillhouse is offline
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Re: Am I losing it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Do you have any kind of social assistance who comes in to check on you for your disability? You can mention to them the problems that your brother is causing and they can talk to them, right?

Can your brother teach your daughter to drive?
No, they don't do that here, not for someone like me anyways, there are no systems in place for blind people here much less blind and immobile the only advice they ever gave me was to go to a town about 7 hours away - without my daughter - and join the school for the visually impaired and they don't even take terminal people (so NOT going to happen either way)... and to use the mobility / disability van.. which I can't afford and I don't have a companion to ride with me so that doesn't work.. THAT stuff I am used to ... I am currently writing some and hoping to supplement a little income with that when I am done.. we'll see.

I had to ask them to release me early because he wasn't making sure my daughter was eating... teaching her to drive probably isn't on ANY list in his head. Not to mention, he doesn't have his own license back yet, and I don't know how long it would take to nag him into getting it.. not sure I have that kind of energy or patience left.
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Old September 15th, 2017, 07:18 AM
Hillhouse Hillhouse is offline
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Re: Am I losing it?

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
I'm thinking, "Now you know why he was living in his car" and "No good deed goes unpunished."

It's time for your brother and his stuff to go.
Trust me, I am at that point, I want my life back .. kinks and all.. at least they are mine.

1. He isn't malicious or mean or abusive, he is just totally clueless and that happens to be toxic for me and my daughter. I am seriously worried he STILL doesn't have a clue, even that he is the one who PUT me in the hospital, he just won't LISTEN. It's like there's a switch he turns off if I open my mouth, nothing.. there is so much of nothing there its almost scary. I can say I will try but he may just ignore me then make my life even more of a nightmare.

2. I hate to say this but my other family (in another state) is not much better, my mom has a blind dog she understands/treats better than she does me .. to the point of going on ad-nauseam to me about how he just can't do anything and how new situations scare the poor thing then telling me to quit whining if I can't breathe while she is talking her head off... but back on point.. if I tell him to get out they will come down HARD on me.. no matter my reasons. I am not sure giving up one hell for another is a solution.. but I am seriously considering it regardless.

Last edited by Hillhouse; September 15th, 2017 at 07:25 AM.
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Old September 15th, 2017, 08:16 AM
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Re: Am I losing it?

Don't kid yourself. He knows exactly what he is doing and he IS malicious, mean and abusive. He cares nothing for you or your daughter. He will use you until you're gone. Then he will abandon your daughter and leave her destitute.

Your brother is a user and a loser. If you can get rid of him... Do it. If you can get someone else to get rid of him... Do it.

Are you losing it? I would say so. I would lose it if I were in your situation.

Maybe if he is left to living in his car again he will go to your other family and they will take him in. You could even suggest it to him. You could even tell him that they would love to help him until he gets on his feet. Let your other family get a taste of him.

Sorry for your dilemma, but you're not going to get any semblance of peace while he is living under your roof.
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Old September 15th, 2017, 09:03 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Am I losing it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hillhouse View Post
I had to ask them to release me early because he wasn't making sure my daughter was eating...
This isn't about your brother, but Mom to Mom --

If your daughter is 20 years old and has a job, she's capable of making sure she is eating. If she is not, and you are dying, she needs to learn. How will she take care of herself when you're gone? If your daughter has special needs that prevent her from living independently, do you have provisions in place for her?

I agree with Knot2Loud. Your brother is waiting for you to die, even seemingly helping that along by dropping trash bags on your stomach and leaving things in your path for you to trip over. He's going to clean out your house and leave your daughter with nothing.
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Old September 15th, 2017, 05:35 PM
Hillhouse Hillhouse is offline
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Re: Am I losing it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
This isn't about your brother, but Mom to Mom --

If your daughter is 20 years old and has a job, she's capable of making sure she is eating. If she is not, and you are dying, she needs to learn. How will she take care of herself when you're gone? If your daughter has special needs that prevent her from living independently, do you have provisions in place for her?

I agree with Knot2Loud. Your brother is waiting for you to die, even seemingly helping that along by dropping trash bags on your stomach and leaving things in your path for you to trip over. He's going to clean out your house and leave your daughter with nothing.
Kay, my daughter is using her money to help me pay bills and buy groceries. She has never been able to keep a paycheck to herself except when my best friend pays the bills for a month to give us a breather. She is also the one who helps me in the house when I just can't do it anymore. If anything she knows to much about responsibility and has for a long time now. She doesn't live on her own because she knows I need her, not the other way around.

When I pass, or if I last 6 mths, my best friend and her husband are buying us a house down the street from them (another state). I will move there with my daughter or she will go alone, it will be hers for as long as she wants it. If I go first, they have a room set up for her. No matter what, she is covered.
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Old September 15th, 2017, 05:59 PM
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Re: Am I losing it?

Okay, well, I'm glad to hear that ,although I'm still not sure why your brother was responsible for feeding her while you were in the hospital.

You need help. You need someone to advocate for you. If you are on disability, you must have a doctor. If you have recently been in the hospital, there is likely someone calling for follow up? Tell them! Tell them you aren't recovering well because you have someone in the house who is hampering your recovery. Ask them how to get help.

Tell your brother he has to leave by the end of the week because he is making your condition worse. Tell him that if he doesn't, you will call the police to have him removed.

Then do it, because he won't listen.
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Old September 15th, 2017, 07:38 PM
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Re: Am I losing it?

Sadly, I have to agree with kaykay

Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this?

Kick him out!!!
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