Worry is bring me down

[Dell]

Hi everyone, this might sound boring to most but here goes.
I have a 2 Sons 29 and 18. My eldest is married and has 2 daughters 1 and 3.
I am one of these mums that like to take control and know if i help my adult children everything will be okay. I have high anxiety because of this. My son lives an hr away and I meet him two days a week I pick up my grand daughters and bring them home so they don't spend 4 days in daycare. It is alot on me but I feel if i dont do this they won't have enough money to pay for everything plus the girls been in daycare those days is too much.
My 18yr old works partime as jobs are hard here to get. He runs out of money alot so I give him money. Yes I know he wont ever learn!!!. I cant seem to take a step back from my boys as i love them with all my heart they are my life.

[KayKay]

I think I may have misunderstood this...

You have your granddaughters stay at your home, without their parents, four days per week? Did I understand that correctly?

[Dell]

No sorry I have them for 1 night 2 days

[LucyVanPelt]

Originally Posted by Dell

Hi everyone, this might sound boring to most but here goes.
I have a 2 Sons 29 and 18. My eldest is married and has 2 daughters 1 and 3.
I am one of these mums that like to take control and know if i help my adult children everything will be okay. I have high anxiety because of this. My son lives an hr away and I meet him two days a week I pick up my grand daughters and bring them home so they don't spend 4 days in daycare. It is alot on me but I feel if i dont do this they won't have enough money to pay for everything plus the girls been in daycare those days is too much.
My 18yr old works partime as jobs are hard here to get. He runs out of money alot so I give him money. Yes I know he wont ever learn!!!. I cant seem to take a step back from my boys as i love them with all my heart they are my life.

This is not boring; this is the really hard work of motherhood! If we do our jobs right, we should be "unemployed" by the time our children are adults. They might still need help and guidance, but they don't need to be actively parented.

Stepping back is necessary, which you already know. Imagine if you did not step back and allow your babies to learn to walk? You couldn't continue to carry them, could you? Neither you nor they would be healthy.

You have two examples. What do you see as the problem with those situations? How do you think you should change them?

[Dell]

Hi Lucy. I'm actually seeing a pshcoligist for my anxiety. I know what I'm doing wrong but I can't seem to take a step back as i think they can't do it without me.

[LucyVanPelt]

Originally Posted by Dell

Hi Lucy. I'm actually seeing a pshcoligist for my anxiety. I know what I'm doing wrong but I can't seem to take a step back as i think they can't do it without me.

I'm glad you're seeing someone. That will help with the anxiety.

Why do you think your sons can't be successful without you? Do they have some type of challenge with life skills? Do you think you failed to prepare them? Or do you fear having no purpose?

[Dell]

No none of that. I just feel they need my help

[LucyVanPelt]

I think there is a disconnect, Dell.

You say that your sons need you to take a step back and let them learn to be independent. At the same time, you say that you feel they need you. You have anxiety.

You haven't made the connections between your anxiety and your needing to help them.

[Knot2loud]

So what do you do for yourself? I'm sure you enjoy your Gkids and the time you get to spend with them, but what do you do for you?

Your boys are men. Let them take responsibility for their lives and finances. You're not going to be around forever. Trust me... They'll survive.

I wish you the best.

[Dell]

Thank you so much for taking the time to text me!!!
I don't do anything for me. I dont even know what fun is. Yes I love my Grand daughters with all my heart and really the only thing that I have in life are my Sons. I gave up work 4 weeks ago as the job was bringing me down and I thought that would make me a little happier but it doesn't. I am starting to look for another one now which getting the motivation is hard. I am lucky having a husband that backs me.