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  #21  
Old October 2nd, 2007, 08:40 PM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: DH Threw me under the bus...

I have to agree with vavoom, ladies.

It isn't right for death be used as a guilt card, nor is it funny to wish their death even when it is used, especially for those of us who have had that experience.
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  #22  
Old October 2nd, 2007, 08:50 PM
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Re: DH Threw me under the bus...

i cant agree, sometimes all you have is humor to make things seem not as bad, its not as if she is obsessively in the corner wishing for his death, she is trying to lighten a bad situation in any way she can.
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  #23  
Old October 2nd, 2007, 09:38 PM
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Re: DH Threw me under the bus...

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1dilwhosreal View Post
I have to agree with vavoom, ladies.

It isn't right for death be used as a guilt card, nor is it funny to wish their death even when it is used, especially for those of us who have had that experience.
I don't consider it wishing them dead, I consider it as them keeping up their end of the compromise.

Seriously, I find it in much worse taste to purposefully make people worry and feel guilty as a tactic for getting their own way than I do for us to be here using humor to vent about it.

ed. to add : I mean no offense to anyone who's had a loss...

Last edited by Berlin; October 2nd, 2007 at 10:07 PM.
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  #24  
Old October 2nd, 2007, 10:14 PM
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Re: DH Threw me under the bus...

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1dilwhosreal View Post
I have to agree with vavoom, ladies.

It isn't right for death be used as a guilt card, nor is it funny to wish their death even when it is used, especially for those of us who have had that experience.
Sorry for your loss.

Sadly, what happens (I think) is that some people hear that so often that they become jaded.
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  #25  
Old October 2nd, 2007, 10:27 PM
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Re: DH Threw me under the bus...

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Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Sorry for your loss.

Sadly, what happens (I think) is that some people hear that so often that they become jaded.
too true, we heard that same guilt trip "i wont be around for much longer..." "i want to do xyz and see xyz with dgs before i die..." etc, every time they asked or demanded anything, even something as simple as taking DS to mcdonalds (literally) would set of a spat of that crap from my inlaws. They are in their 60s and VERY healthy, with a family history of living into the 100s (oldest family member hit 109).

Last time my MIL saw my DH, she ambushed him at work, and told him if she didnt get to have my DS whenever she wanted she would kill herself.

you can only hear those kinds of threats and guilt trips for so long (10 years and counting in my case) before you just stop believing and buying into the guilt and find any way you can to cope with the constant emotional manipulation.
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  #26  
Old October 3rd, 2007, 05:48 AM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: DH Threw me under the bus...

I'm sorry for those who have had to deal with the guilt trips and especially sorry for those who have lost family. It's not easy.


1DH, have you figured out what you were going to do?
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  #27  
Old October 3rd, 2007, 10:23 AM
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Re: DH Threw me under the bus...

I made DH take me to lunch yesterday - and I told him that this was NOT what we agreed upon - and he went on about how his dad is short $$$ etc. and how he really wants to come out and needs "a little help."

I reiterated that when we made the agreement for any of the ILs to come out - it was that they had to stay in a hotel - he fired back - that he didn't see a problem with the camper - until I pointed out - bathroom, privacy, etc.

I told him that I felt as if I was being bull-dozed over - because every time I said anything contrary to his plans - I was overruled - and ignored.

I told him the kids or I would NOT be alone with his dad at all. He wanted to know what I was afraid of - and I told him:

1. Your dad has never said anything complimentary about your mother - he hates me more than her - and you want him to be alone with our kids? NO.

2. Your dad refers to his daughters as his harem - - - um... NO he will not be afforded the opportunity to do so with our daughters.

We established the following rules - non-negotiable.

FIL can stay in the camper - but at no time are any of the kids to sleep there with him. (we are using the reason that they have school and or soccer games the following day - so they need the best rest they can get.)

FIL is not to be alone with any of the kids - at all.

FIL is not to be alone with me - at all.

I will most likely abstain from going to any of the soccer games that particular weekend - I will make dinner - but I will be given carte blanche to go to the gym, the pool, get my hair done, etc.

FIL has a curfew of being in the house of 10 p.m.
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  #28  
Old October 3rd, 2007, 10:33 AM
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Re: DH Threw me under the bus...

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1DH+4Kids=Happyus View Post

1. Your dad has never said anything complimentary about your mother - he hates me more than her - and you want him to be alone with our kids? NO.

2. Your dad refers to his daughters as his harem - - - um... NO he will not be afforded the opportunity to do so with our daughters.
.
I'm sorry - I missed this before, I heard the story but I didn't realize it was yours. Is this the same guy who points out each of his harem daughters most appealing features - breasts, butt, legs, etc?? And you have teenage daughters? Man, what more does your DH need to hear?

Too bad the kids are in school because that would be a great time for you & the kids to take a vacation.
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  #29  
Old October 3rd, 2007, 10:51 AM
1dilwhosreal 1dilwhosreal is offline
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Re: DH Threw me under the bus...

Oh, man, 1DH. When I gave you that advice, I thought he said those things about you behind your back. If you feel like you need those kinds of rules in order to protect your children, then he shouldn't be there at all!

No, I believe I gave you bad advice, and I'm sorry.
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  #30  
Old October 3rd, 2007, 11:10 AM
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Re: DH Threw me under the bus...

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1dilwhosreal View Post
Oh, man, 1DH. When I gave you that advice, I thought he said those things about you behind your back. If you feel like you need those kinds of rules in order to protect your children, then he shouldn't be there at all!

No, I believe I gave you bad advice, and I'm sorry.
Believe me - I have been having anxiety attacks over this whole issue - I told DH I will do everything in my power to protect our children and myself.
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