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Old November 12th, 2017, 03:33 PM
Dito Dito is offline
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Friends and Their Pets... [Need advice!]

hi guys, I need some advice, as the title says. My apologies if this ends up being a little long...

I have a friend who I've known for over ten years. We've taken pauses in our friendship over various things in the past, but for a long while had no issues.

Recently, this friend of mine got herself a dog. I love dogs and couldn't wait to meet him. The problem seems to be that this friend has gone to the extreme - she's had her dog over two months now and refuses to leave her house [she's even fallen out with her manager as he wouldn't let her work from home], and insists on either coming to mine or me going to hers rather than meeting for coffees in town as we used to.

Let me repeat, I do love dogs. Various family and other friends have them and I have never had any issues with them.

However; my other friends and family know my bounderies. I have two cats at home, one of which is very nervous and takes time to trust people. I've before allowed this friend to bring their dog around, but after they came around a couple of times, it was clear that I'm really not comfortable with it. Their dog is always on the lead when they come around, but constantly tries to go into other rooms [as pets naturally do], which is a problem as my home is small and the main room the dog seems to try to escape to is the one the cat is in.

My other issue is that this dog is used to being allowed up on the sofas. I allowed it once when my friend invited herself to stay the night [with the dog], but since then have stated I don't want the dog to be allowed on my sofas. My friend agreed, but the dog still tries to get up on them, and constantly goes up on the poufle /ottoman, which I don't actually agree with but whenever I ask my friend to stop it, they just roll their eyes.

It's getting to the point where I don't want to let this friend around, as it means every time they do come round I have to move things so the dog doesn't try to chew/sit/try to eat something it shouldn't, and my cats end up hiding on the top of the wardrobe till the friend [who they used to like] runs away. They won't leave their dog at home as they claim the dog barks when they aren't there and has seperation anxiety.

What do I do? It's stressing me out and it's stressing my pets out.
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Old November 12th, 2017, 04:02 PM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: Friends and Their Pets... [Need advice!]

The way I see it is you have the following options

Bite your tongue at your place

Tell friend that due to your cats anxiety, her dogs is no longer allowed

Find a pet friendly restaraunt and meet her there

Visit her at her place
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Old November 12th, 2017, 06:44 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Friends and Their Pets... [Need advice!]

I'm a cat person, so don't know much about dogs and dog etiquette. Is the dog crate trained at all? I wonder if they could bring a crate with them when they come to visit and keep the dog in it. You could keep dog toys or treats for when it's in its crate.

They aren't doing their dog a favor by not training it. But you already know that.
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Old December 1st, 2017, 07:21 AM
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Re: Friends and Their Pets... [Need advice!]

I think your friend is dealing with some unresolved issues...imo.

Why the reason for not leaving the house? THe pet?

Perhaps a "HOW TO TRAIN..." book could be suggested? Pets, like kids - and most adults NEED TO KNOW THEIR BOUNDARIES.

She could have an amazing pet with patience, training, and all that. There is no reason a dog can't stay in a kennel/cage for a time here and there. Actually, when they are younger, I have read they feel safer. My two would follow me down the stairs to family room where their cozy little condo under a sofa table had their comfy bedding *that could be washed in HOT water and dried* just waiting for them. It was so cute how they would jump into their cages.

No one likes a bratty pet.

Maybe invest in some chux liners? Absorb moisture. NO scent! But insist on a CAGE. To keep pup safe. Or, suggest an airbnb, hotel, etc.


Best of luck to you!!!
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Old December 5th, 2017, 06:07 AM
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Cremebrulee Cremebrulee is offline
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Re: Friends and Their Pets... [Need advice!]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dito View Post
hi guys, I need some advice, as the title says. My apologies if this ends up being a little long...

I have a friend who I've known for over ten years. We've taken pauses in our friendship over various things in the past, but for a long while had no issues.

Recently, this friend of mine got herself a dog. I love dogs and couldn't wait to meet him. The problem seems to be that this friend has gone to the extreme - she's had her dog over two months now and refuses to leave her house [she's even fallen out with her manager as he wouldn't let her work from home], and insists on either coming to mine or me going to hers rather than meeting for coffees in town as we used to.

Let me repeat, I do love dogs. Various family and other friends have them and I have never had any issues with them.

However; my other friends and family know my bounderies. I have two cats at home, one of which is very nervous and takes time to trust people. I've before allowed this friend to bring their dog around, but after they came around a couple of times, it was clear that I'm really not comfortable with it. Their dog is always on the lead when they come around, but constantly tries to go into other rooms [as pets naturally do], which is a problem as my home is small and the main room the dog seems to try to escape to is the one the cat is in.

My other issue is that this dog is used to being allowed up on the sofas. I allowed it once when my friend invited herself to stay the night [with the dog], but since then have stated I don't want the dog to be allowed on my sofas. My friend agreed, but the dog still tries to get up on them, and constantly goes up on the poufle /ottoman, which I don't actually agree with but whenever I ask my friend to stop it, they just roll their eyes.

It's getting to the point where I don't want to let this friend around, as it means every time they do come round I have to move things so the dog doesn't try to chew/sit/try to eat something it shouldn't, and my cats end up hiding on the top of the wardrobe till the friend [who they used to like] runs away. They won't leave their dog at home as they claim the dog barks when they aren't there and has seperation anxiety.

What do I do? It's stressing me out and it's stressing my pets out.
apparently this friend of yours hasn't learned that there are different rules in the homes of other people. She should ask you first, before allowing her dog on your sofa.
as for her not wanting to leave home, I understand her loyalty to the dog. I was the very same way. Oh, I'd go, but would limit my time and frequency of visits.
I believe it is best to be upfront, and honest. Let her know what disturbs you and if she doesn't like it, than I'm sorry but she isn't a good friend to have.

Children must learn from a very young age, that every household has different rules. Apparently she has not.
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Old December 10th, 2017, 12:12 PM
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trixxie trixxie is offline
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Re: Friends and Their Pets... [Need advice!]

Your friend is unreasonable - we own a dog and we allow our Golden Retriever on our family room couch.
However, she is NOT allowed on the "fancy" room living room couches - we gather there on holidays and visit.
When she gets excited and is out of control and trust me that is frequent with this breed! I will ban her to a bedroom or outside.
People first.
Your friend is taking the furry family thing to an extreme. I understand but meeting at a coffee shop or other neutral place is a better option.


As a dog owner, I think that there is some other issues going on here.
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