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Other friendships Best friends, ex-friends, or any other friends

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  #1  
Old December 16th, 2018, 06:00 AM
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Conversation starter: Old friend--What would you do?

A million years ago, I had a good friend. We were friends for several years and had history. I was the maid of honor at her wedding and paid for a few things with the promise that it would be paid back, but it never was, and I let it go because they were just getting started. I house sat while they took a vacation that summer. She would have done the same for me.

Later that year, at their Christmas party, my friend took me aside and confessed that she had been cheating. If her husband asked, I was to say she was with me. I drew the line at lying. I left that night, and never really looked back.

A few years later, I bumped into her. She was divorced and remarried to the man she was running with. She seemed happy. I was busy with children, and life went on.

I just received a card from her asking if we could talk because she missed me and would like a second chance. It's been something like 30 years!

If you were in this position, what would you do? If you were the friend, what would you be hoping for?
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Old December 17th, 2018, 06:17 PM
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Re: Conversation starter: Old friend--What would you do?

My reaction isn't very mature, but I'd check out her on-line presence and see if she seemed to be the type of person I'd be interested in having a relationship with.


I, myself, don't do things like that 'cause people change over the years and I'm not interested in revisiting old relationships (other than the occasional search of old friends names to see what they're up to)
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Old December 19th, 2018, 12:41 AM
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Re: Conversation starter: Old friend--What would you do?

I'd probably agree to meet for coffee, then leave coffee thinking "Oh yeah..."


I have had two college friends (30+ years) want to meet up in the last six months. I went. I liked them just fine, but *shrug*. Thirty years is a long time. I smiled for the obligatory FB pictures, but haven't contacted them since.

Maybe your friend has changed. Maybe your friend is remorseful for having run around on her husband and understands now why you wouldn't lie.

Or... maybe your friend *hasn't* changed and has no other friends.

I'd go, but I wouldn't go way out of my way to do it.
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Old December 19th, 2018, 04:42 AM
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Re: Conversation starter: Old friend--What would you do?

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Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Or... maybe your friend *hasn't* changed and has no other friends.
I think this is it.

I called her because I'm too dang nosey! When she worked, she did retail, but was laid off about 20 years ago and hasn't worked since. In the conversation, she said she didn't have a cell phone so didn't text, or any social media. She lives in the same house she grew up in. She has no children, and the last of her furbabies just passed away.

She was reminiscing and decided to look for me. I don't think she has a lot of friends.
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Old December 30th, 2018, 04:27 PM
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Re: Conversation starter: Old friend--What would you do?

Hi, Lucy,

I very much admire your strong boundaries & moral compass.

So did you end up reinstating your friendship with the woman? Do you want to provide more detail?
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Old January 1st, 2019, 06:27 PM
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Re: Conversation starter: Old friend--What would you do?

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Originally Posted by Pad View Post
So did you end up reinstating your friendship with the woman?
We talked on the phone once, and she said she'd call after the holidays.

We have gone in two, separate directions for 30+ years, so I don't know if we even have anything in common, besides some old history.
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Old January 3rd, 2019, 10:39 AM
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Re: Conversation starter: Old friend--What would you do?

Happy New Year, Lucy!

Thanks for the update. I guess that time will tell if you end up reinstating your friendship or not.

Once again, I am in awe of your ethical boundaries, which you always abide by in all of your relationships. I think that sometimes those appropriate boundaries, which we both have, can intimidate others.

I had posted in another thread about my former friend, who was imprisoned in a toxic marriage; which also really made me mourn her situation, empathetically. Last time I visited her, I found out that she was having an affair. I had the policy (which you most probably will NOT condone) that since her husband had been emotionally abusive with her with low blows, manipulative, etc., he deserved and had asked for this affair to happen. So I applauded my friend for the affair and offered to cover up for her: by saying that I had a feminine emergency to keep her husband from returning home the next day!

However, she made another request, which was a violation of the boundaries of our friendship and my character. She requested me to seduce her husband (who has Herpes!) to test out his fidelity, which I immediately refused (as I posted in another thread, I am a virgin, who would only have sex after marriage)! Then there was a suspicious situation, and she accused me and her husband of just having had sex upstairs (because I happened to delve into this nasty habit of mine of laughing for no reason, and he then also started laughing).

As I wrote in that thread, my friend chose to cut me out because of another innocent misunderstanding. Now I have come to realize that I dodged a bullet, with the way that her character and actions were going. So I guess, Lucy, for both you and me, that also our characters and ethics will determine whether a friendship is meant to be or not. I also know that you are one precious, once-in-lifetime friend to have!
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Old January 3rd, 2019, 10:47 AM
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Re: Conversation starter: Old friend--What would you do?

And, by the way, you are FAR from nosy! The curiosity of anybody would be piqued if a former friend resurfaced!
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