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Old March 10th, 2013, 09:45 PM
MochiBunny MochiBunny is offline
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Pregnant, 26, rocky relationship...help

Hi-
I'm new on this forum and I'm not quite sure what to expect.
Basically, I need help.

I'm a 26 year old, pre-school teacher living in the southwest. I rent a room from a family.
I was supposed to move in with my boyfriend of 2 years but he called it off after finding out that I had been emailing and text a handful of other (non-local) guys.
There begins the story of my relationship problems... So, 2 weeks ago I came home from work and he told me he had gone through my computer and all my emails. He told me he had seen the photos I sent other guys and the what they sent me in return. I was devastated and embarrassed.
I confessed everything right away- he thought I had cheated with one guy, but I truly hadn't. I have slept with only him for 3+ years.
I cried and apologized like crazy. I had already been making steps to get away from this type of attention seeking before he found out and while I was relieved to come clean. Still, I understood his fury and hurt.
He didn't make me pack my stuff and he didn't make me leave. He said he wanted to work on things and that we could talk it out.
He said he needed space, and he works 4 hours away so during the work week he stays in a different town all week- I didn't bother him or call, just gave him space. Then he took a trip, without me, and I continued to give him space.
We spoke briefly between his work-week and the trip, and he said he didn't want to break up. He even booked a trip for us in June.
Tonight, I phoned him because he was supposed to be back in town. He was cold, angry, and mad at me for wanting to talk. He has been downright mean.
I was hoping to see him in person because I just found out I'm pregnant.
I'm absolutely terrified of what comes next. I don't know when or how to tell him.
I've been friends with him since I was 15, we lost our virginity together, and theres no one else I could ever see myself having a child with. But at this point I'm just not sure what to do.
Our relationship is in shambles and now this.
I'm not trying to keep him, pregnant or not, I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me. We have had many problems with his honesty, and this was my first transgression.
I'm seeing a therapist, deleted my old email, and stopped contact with the guys. Regardless of my relationship, what I did is not who I am and not who I want to be.
I want to keep this baby but not in an unhealthy relationship. I also, want to give this relationship a chance since I know I can be better but I don't want him to think the baby is a ball and chain, if he wants out. He keeps saying he just doesn't know if he wants to break up or not.
So, when do I tell him? After we decided if we break up or stay together? And what do I tell him? Should I terminate and wait for a healthy relationship? I want to keep the baby, but how do I tell my family? "Hey we broke up but I'm pregnant..."
I'm so scared and sad.
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Old March 11th, 2013, 04:58 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Pregnant, 26, rocky relationship...help

Don't make any decisions until you talk to him. Raising a baby is an incredible and overwhelming responsibility. You both have rights and duties that must be considered.

If there were no pregnancy, I'd say your boyfriend has had enough time to punish you. It's time for him to decide he wants to do the work of either repairing or dismantling this relationship. He may need more time to process this, though. Even if he says something right away, don't make any decisions immediately based solely on his response. You also count and you shouldn't do anything you can't live with.

(((Hugs)))
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Old March 11th, 2013, 12:57 PM
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Knot2loud Knot2loud is offline
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Re: Pregnant, 26, rocky relationship...help

Lesson learned... Right?

Obviously you love the man. Don't give up.

I wish you the best.
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Old March 21st, 2013, 01:53 AM
Mammabear Mammabear is offline
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Re: Pregnant, 26, rocky relationship...help

You need to tell him that you are pregnant right away and make a decision together with regards to having the baby. You both will need to step up now for the babies sake and get your situation figured out. Everything happens for a reason, so don't stress out, just deal with it one step at a time and remember to breathe along the way. No relationship is perfect, and they all require work. If you love each other and are both willing to work towards creating a healthy relationship then you can move forward. If not, then there is some hard decision making to do.
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