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Old June 21st, 2012, 06:43 AM
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Invitation Etiquette

How do you decided where to cut the invitation list?

How do you handle someone that invites additional guests without the hosts' permission or knowledge?

How do you tell someone who invites themselves that they are not invited?
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Old June 21st, 2012, 08:45 AM
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Re: Invitation Etiquette

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
How do you decided where to cut the invitation list?

How do you handle someone that invites additional guests without the hosts' permission or knowledge?

How do you tell someone who invites themselves that they are not invited?

Cutting the list? hmmm .... I'd figure out how many people I could invite, then who I absolutly wanted there, then the others - I'll admit I think about how they get along with my "must haves" and cut the ones that clash.

When someone invites others & then tells your spouse (& spouse oks it) ... I get at both parties - DH has learned not to "rubber stamp" things, but that we, as a couple, need to discuss it first.

There's only been once that someone invited themselves - "Hilda" told DH she was coming to a party we were having, and as we've gone to her parties before DH didn't think he could tell her no- Even though we'd invited Hilda's ex DH & his new wife (I was stressed - I like new wife). This is when DH learned that the only reason I went to Hilda's parties was for him, that she rubbs me the wrong way, etc... Its not really personal, but our personailities do not mesh. I don't know if she tried again the next year, I just know she's not been back.... and I've started saying "no" to going to her parties - I'd like to do things with DH, but I don't enjoy doing stuff with "Hilda".

DH is learning that if he wants me to relax & enjoy myself everybody and their brother's dog can't invite others/themselves.

Last edited by snafu; June 21st, 2012 at 11:03 AM.
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Old June 21st, 2012, 11:39 AM
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Re: Invitation Etiquette

What kind of party is this, Lucy?

I've had to cut the guest list (and tell people who invited themselves that they weren't invited) before, but it's been for kids parties and the parents are usually pretty understanding. For example, I've had people who brought siblings to a party. I welcome them but say to the parents that I'm so sorry, but I wasn't expecting them and don't have enough goodie bags (or something along those lines - one time I had a presentation by a zoologist who would only allow a certain number of kids to touch her animals so the extra kids had to just watch). The parents are usually fine with that.

If it's something at a restaurant you can say that there's no extra space, followed by an offer to another outing. "I'm so sorry, but we've already reached the space limit for the restaurant - can we all have lunch on Thursday to celebrate instead?"

If it's at your house, uh... no ideas.
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Old June 21st, 2012, 11:57 AM
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Re: Invitation Etiquette

I would do a formal invite, with "by invitation only" on. Then I would hire a couple of bouncers/doormen! - Think I am joking? Wish we had.

When we were getting married, before we'd even sent out the invitiations, we'd received a letter from DH's Aunt from down south telling us how much she, Uncle, Jack, Jane, Joe, Dave, Bill, Sarah and every other Tom, **** and Harry were looking forward to coming. Erm the invite was only going to be for the Aunty and Uncle.

I had to send them a reply, which even the IL's agreed was "nice" to apologise and say although we would love to acomodate everyone, it was only a small function and we had to restrict numbers due to the size of the venue and cost.

Some people (accquaintences not even family or friends) who weren't invited turned up and it really bugged me. Luckily it was the evening do and we weren't paying per head at that time and it was NOT a free bar!
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Old June 21st, 2012, 08:26 PM
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Re: Invitation Etiquette

I just don't understand why people think they can invite themselves and others to your home or party or Wedding Reception! I just don't get it. That's crazy, Anns! KayKay, I don't really understand the sibling thing, either. I'm glad the parents understand.

This is a house party, in fact, Christmas Eve. I know it's early, but I didn't bring it up. An Aunt and Uncle that came uninvited for the graduation party brought it up. I was polite to them as the hostess and didn't raise a ruckus. We had seating and food and I didn't want to create a scene.

So they invited themselves, their adult children and wives, and their grandchildren for Christmas Eve. We're talking an additional 8 people--who make pigs of themselves and eat like there's no tomorrow so I have to plan for 16 or more servings-- for a 7 Fish Dinner. I can't fit them in the house. I don't have furniture that would fit 2 of them (morbidly obese), and I don't have any place to entertain their badly behaved children (both have been expelled from daycare). I didn't say anything. There were too many witnesses and Auntie does love to cry for the cameras.
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Old June 21st, 2012, 08:43 PM
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Re: Invitation Etiquette

I was invited to a formal reception a couple of months ago that I never ended up attending, but the invitation was clearly addressed to me and DH only. It was a reception for a girl who was an acquaintance of DD's, but I would never, EVER have just brought DD along. But of course... One of my friends couldn't believe that I *wasn't* just bringing DD along. She was coming in from out of town and her husband was unable to attend, so she brought her son. And since her son was going, she talked another friend (who was invited) into bringing her son (who wasn't invited and the honoree couldn't stand). I just smh at people sometimes.

Lucy, isn't your Christmas Eve shindig an open house? You may be stuck. About the only thing I can think of for you is to give them the info as late as possible (maybe they'll make other plans?) and ask (but don't expect) them to bring something (expensive) to eat. Maybe ask for a monetary donation from them to cover the cost of their food. I would not provide them a place to sit (unless you have patio furniture? They can eat outside?), and I would throw their poorly behaved kids in the backyard "to play." Maybe they won't want to come again.
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Old June 22nd, 2012, 12:33 AM
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Re: Invitation Etiquette

Lucy, there is nothing wrong with going against "tradition", whether it's longstanding family tradition, or something you have just "always done". I would write to them and say from this year you are no longer doing open house and regretfully you are unable to accommodate them and they will need to make alternative arrangements from now on. Don't justify why - it's YOUR house and YOUR party. (I would take the opportunity to review other people if you so wish too! )

Some people may be graceful about your letter and some may resent it. Those that resent it? Meh! End of the day you have played a gracious host for years, and those who abuse your hospitality are not people who should be there anyway because they take away from the spirit of the occasion.

I promise you that they won't end up sat at home through the holidays with nothing but dried up turkey sandwiches. They'll find other people to leach of and have fun moaning about you, but that's the choice they make, not yours!
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Old June 22nd, 2012, 06:53 AM
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Re: Invitation Etiquette

KayKay, it's not exactly an "open house" because it's a real meal, buffet style, that's served at a specific time with other family dropping in afterward for dessert.

Anns, that sounds like a good idea.

So does going to Florida for Christmas.
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Old June 22nd, 2012, 07:57 AM
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Re: Invitation Etiquette

I agree with Ann - do you see them around Thanksgiving? If not, I'd let them know about a week before (maybe they'll be able to find another host organism on Turkey Day), if you do - tell them about a week after.
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Old June 22nd, 2012, 08:32 PM
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Re: Invitation Etiquette

This is one of those cases where you say "Gosh, I'm so sorry, but I just can't accomodate you! We have limited space and a full invite list!"
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