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  #11  
Old May 23rd, 2016, 09:41 AM
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Re: DM and assisted living/living w\snafu

Does your mom want to move to your area? Or is she content where she is? Don't you have siblings who live close to her that can help?
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Old May 23rd, 2016, 03:18 PM
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Re: DM and assisted living/living w\snafu

Mom wants to move here - where she has family to help. Both my sibs live a lot further away .... one is down by you
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Old May 25th, 2016, 05:55 PM
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Re: DM and assisted living/living w\snafu

mom told me today that her dr has been encouraging her to move in/go to assisted living.

she'll be closer to her specialist here at my place


met with the lawyer today ... making sure "i's" are dotted and "t's" crossed


some of her friends are planning to come visit her once she's had time to settle in.

There is also a bread and breakfast in hometown (if she wants to stay more than a day), so I can take her to visit sometime
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Old May 26th, 2016, 04:59 AM
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Re: DM and assisted living/living w\snafu

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Originally Posted by snafu View Post

met with the lawyer today ... making sure "i's" are dotted and "t's" crossed
This is a good start to preparing for her move.

Have you talked to your siblings about sharing her care? Or found a caregiver's support group for yourself?
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Old May 26th, 2016, 07:17 AM
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Re: DM and assisted living/living w\snafu

How do you mean "sharing" her care?

Knot lives closer to me than either of my sibs.




btw - from my research on-line they suggest weekly "house" meetings (to nip problems in the bud) and we had our first one this week
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Old May 26th, 2016, 08:27 AM
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Re: DM and assisted living/living w\snafu

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Originally Posted by snafu View Post
How do you mean "sharing" her care?

Knot lives closer to me than either of my sibs.
It means that her care isn't 100% your responsibility, however you can all work it out.

They live far away, so they won't be able to actively participate in her daily care, but they should be aware of what is going on, taking her for vacations, and to give you a break, or contribute in whatever way they can. They need to know they are both welcome and expected to care for their mother and not just expect you to do it.

Otherwise, you will end up burned out and resentful, and so might they.
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Old May 26th, 2016, 12:08 PM
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Re: DM and assisted living/living w\snafu

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
It means that her care isn't 100% your responsibility, however you can all work it out.

They live far away, so they won't be able to actively participate in her daily care, but they should be aware of what is going on, taking her for vacations, and to give you a break, or contribute in whatever way they can. They need to know they are both welcome and expected to care for their mother and not just expect you to do it.

Otherwise, you will end up burned out and resentful, and so might they.
^This. snafu, your siblings have already "ditched" your mom for holidays, etc. You have to make sure that they don't think they're officially off the hook for any of her future care. Be careful not to sign up for martyrdom.
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Old May 27th, 2016, 02:53 PM
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Re: DM and assisted living/living w\snafu

I intend to send my sisters and their extended families a short note with nearby hotels listed. What they chose to do is up to them. DM is NOT able to travel (an 1 1/2 drive to my house wipes her out)

My home is my safe place.

My DH does NOT want my OS in the house without us (I don't either) ... I don't trust her not to snoop, take something she feels entitled to, etc. She's tried to pressure our DM to give her stuff in the past that DM didn't want to give up. One of OS's DDs told her to leave grandma alone. {DM made sure that I packed it and all her important family heirlooms and they're already moved}

My Twin & her son have a history of bullying my DS ... its been years since we've seen them. DM hasn't seen DNephew since, but has seen Twin.
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Old May 28th, 2016, 12:27 PM
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Re: DM and assisted living/living w\snafu

But snafu, none of that sounds like you are expecting them to help you out.


Think about this scenario: Your DS goes to college and there is a parent's weekend for you to go to. What are you going to do with your mom? What about Thanksgiving? Christmas? What if DH wants you to go on a trip for your anniversary? Will you hire someone to stay with your mom?
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Old May 28th, 2016, 03:51 PM
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Re: DM and assisted living/living w\snafu

Right now DM does not need 24/7care. She could live in assisted living ... if she wouldn't outlive her assets.

If my DM wants to involve my sisters, she's welcome to.

But my older sister feels entitled to things (she's the oldest & want more stuff as she has 3 kids who will inherit from her). She's a bully ....

According to DM my twin never brings me or my DS up to DM- hasn't since DM told her that her son was a bully. (remember my old thread "waiting for the other shoe to drop"?)


I also feel its not my place to tell other adults what to do with their time and money. Just as I would never tell someone how many kids to have or how to parent their kids, I would also not tell someone they have to do something for a parent.
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