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Old January 12th, 2017, 07:42 AM
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It's not a competition, but...

I'm moving into the age my parents were when I got married. I think about how dependent they were-- both my FOO and my ILs-- on us helping them with chores around the house. They seemed to actually need the help.

When I was putting Christmas away this week, DM asked, "By yourself?!?" It never occurred to me that I needed help. I just did it. Same with the house keeping. And outside chores. And cars. I don't need my kids to do it. That's not to say I don't have them do things because they live here and have some responsibility for the upkeep, but I don't NEED them to do it.

Are we healthier than our parents?
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Old January 12th, 2017, 09:09 AM
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Re: It's not a competition, but...

I think we are more self aware. Not sure if it's generational or just I am on the healthier side of dysfunction.

My mum was heavily dependent on us to do things, even small things, when she lived with us for a few years. Once she knew she had to move out, and I started to cut the guilt strings I was so attached to, and stopped enabling her every "need" she became so much more independent and self reliant and like how i remembered her being as a child.

Like you I get my kids to do things to learn about responsibility, but nothing I can't do myself or don't do in their absence. I don't want my kids feeling the same obligations to me as I did to my mum.
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Old January 12th, 2017, 10:14 AM
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Re: It's not a competition, but...

I actually think about this a lot. LOL. In my case I believe my parents were healthier and more independent than I am. :/ My parents were depression babies and my dad was raised on a farm. If something broke, he fixed it - furniture, appliances, cars - and it was a rare case when he couldn't and a professional had to be called. He and my SM both were completely independent. We had chores to teach us responsibility, but once we moved out the chores got done without us.

My ILs were raised in a large urban setting, and lived in apartments with building superintendents. Those "supers" handled all repairs and my ILs were raised to call someone for everything that needed to be done. That is how they ran the household when DH grew up.

It was a shock to me to buy a house and have DH tell me to hire someone to paint it. LOL. He doesn't even try to fix anything. I try sometimes, but usually fail. My kids are being raised the same way DH was raised and it really bothers me.
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Old January 12th, 2017, 01:49 PM
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Re: It's not a competition, but...

That can change, KayKay. My DH was raised with a father who called someone, too. He learned to be very handy!

Annsdil, I'm right there with you! I don't want my kids to have guilt associated with their chores. Mainly, chores are given according to work load. The kids help when they are here, but I don't want them to think they HAVE to help when they aren't here.
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Old January 12th, 2017, 02:34 PM
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Re: It's not a competition, but...

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
That can change, KayKay. My DH was raised with a father who called someone, too. He learned to be very handy!
Maybe it can change for my kids. I think my DH is a lost cause.
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Old January 12th, 2017, 04:45 PM
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Re: It's not a competition, but...

I live across the street from my parents, they still live in the house i was raised in. Mom (71) and Pop (87) are still very independent. I help when they'll let me. Lately, I'm noticing that they're slowing down and can't do like they used to. It makes me sad to see.
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Old January 13th, 2017, 05:28 AM
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Re: It's not a competition, but...

It is sad to watch people we love become more dependent.
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Old January 13th, 2017, 10:46 AM
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Re: It's not a competition, but...

I'm there right now with my DM ... I think DH has a better time of it as he doesn't "remember when..."
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