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Old April 4th, 2017, 12:21 AM
lilly210 lilly210 is offline
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Mother in law trustworthy or not

Hi everyone-
I'm currently a starving entrepreneur and hitting the point of having to sell my house and moving back to my parents. My business is doing well, however I can't continue to take the profit. Since it's he first year, I went to reinvest and continue to grow it out. I not excited about moving back to my parents with my husband. We're considering selling our house so we get some money to pay for debt and there will be a good amount remaining.
Since we're going to delay our process of going into real estate, we're thinking about ways to reinvest in another business. We're trying to minimize paying too much on taxes.
My mother in law offers an idea, suggested to my husband to giving her the money upfront and she signs her business to us. She told my husband that if we decide to sell the business years from now. Assuming that the other similar businesses in the area already sold, then we can double our money. However we have to wait a minimal of 3 years.
I'm concerned with these type of offers from her. My husband side did nothing to help us get started and majority of the support came from my side and myself a faction from my husband. If we sell, I would even prefer to give some back to my parents because of their gesture. I'm trying to be fair. give credit where's it due. It almost sounds like she wants us to loan the money to her.
I'm not after their properties and can care less about what inherenace looks like in the future. My husband and I need to focus on our work and build our own empire. That's way I'm make scarfices and making hard decision now.
My husband at one point sgguested he wanted to add his fathers name into a business we were going to start together using their family's connection.
I called him out letting him know it makes no sense and it wouldn't serve a purpose. His father would have no value at all.
I'm starting to feel a bit weird about the situation and worried his mom is teaching him all these sneaky ways of doing things. One time, she asked me if my parents received royalties from the business my grandmother past down, I was honest and told her yes. Ever since then, she been pushing my husband towards the family business which I don't care for. I told him in the past we just gotta do our own thing. It's not ours and not to rely on it.
That has caused me to not trust my husband in the past. We're okay now because I didn't listen to him. He left it alone.
For me, I just to Make sure things are fair. Ideas that he bought up, I have never heard of or thought of. Of course, I don't want to divorce but if t does come up I would be 50/50. I'm okay with that.
When my husband told me about my mother In law suggestion, my immediate response was frustration and made me defensive. He didn't push and just said, that was her suggestion only.
In the beginning of our marriage, he pushed me to add him onto every single bank account that i have. I did except for one which I opened for my family, it's not my money in there. He was persistent until I got upset and he stopped.
I don't even know if this is something I should bring up or just watch and see what happens. It's almost like I'm on guard.
I want to trust my husband, but he has secret accounts before until he had to shut it down.
I don't trust him handling money because he's not practical especially if it's a large sum. I've had issues with him just spending and racking up credit card debt.
How do you even talk about something like this???
It's so sensitive and makes me feel so uncomfortable.
Sometimes it just comes up in the back of my head and I get paranoid.
Please help...
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Old April 4th, 2017, 05:51 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Mother in law trustworthy or not

This shouldn't be titled, "Mother in law trustworthy or not."

This is "Husband trustworthy or not."

Money is the number one reason why marriages break up. In-laws are a close second. You've got them both working here. Although it is sensitive and hard to talk about, you have to communicate. Marriages fail, not because there is conflict, but because spouses do not know how to resolve conflict. Communication is the key!

First, decide and agree today and from this day forward, forever and ever, do not mix family and business. Keep them very separate. That goes for your parents, his parents, etc. There can be no charge of bias if you do that. When anyone asks about money, you should both respond, "We don't talk about that. Did you see <insert current event here>?"

Second, you and your husband need to get on the same page with money. Talk about the dreams you have for this business, for yourselves, for the future. Make a plan-- a budget-- on paper for this year, 5 years, 50 years... If you two can have a common vision of the future, agree to a plan, and both work together on it, the worry will be reduced. If it turns out that your husband cannot be trusted with managing the money, point to the plan, and make adjustments accordingly.

If necessary, see a marriage and/or financial counselor to help you.
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Old April 4th, 2017, 07:11 AM
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Re: Mother in law trustworthy or not

Credit card debt... Make sure they are not "Joint" accounts. If anything happens in your marriage and the credit cards are in his name only... Then they are HIS problem and not yours. The accounts you had before he pressured you into placing his name on the accounts... You might consider opening new accounts and pulling YOUR money out and placing the money into YOUR account/s.

If he doesn't have the ability or self discipline to handle money, then you should seriously consider that suggestion. As it is at this moment... He can take whatever he wants out of the accounts and have a grand old time on a shopping spree or whatever.

I don't understand why your husband would want to place his father in the business. To me there could eventually be legal issues. That's your business, not your In-Laws business.

IMO there is nothing wrong with having your own accounts in a marriage. My wife and I do. What she makes is hers. What I make pays the bills. That's an agreement we have and it works well.

Anyway... Good luck to you. Hope you can some up with a good solution. One last thing... If your going to be in business you have to make decisions that will profit the business. Keep the feelings of "I don't want to hurt his feelings" or "I don't want him to be angry" out of your decision making. It's a business and you're the CEO of it. YOU make the decision on what is best for the business and not how someone is going to feel. Keep the personal stuff out of it... If you don't your business is going to suffer.
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Old April 6th, 2017, 09:41 AM
girljoe girljoe is offline
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Re: Mother in law trustworthy or not

There are a lot of dynamics going on in your post, but each one of them seems to point to a lack of trust. If there is solid trust in your marriage, with you and your husband making choices and decisions together as a team, then pressure from others to act this way or that way will be less of an issue.

Sometimes it's helpful to remove circumstances that could cause problems. For example, selling your house provides a lump sum of money that you need to invest to avoid crushing taxes. If you investigate other options, such as investing the money in your existing business as a loan from shareholder, all the opinions and pressure from everyone about what you should do with the money, is removed.
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Old April 27th, 2017, 07:24 AM
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Re: Mother in law trustworthy or not

From my own personal journey, there is no "trust" in matters of money - be it with spouse, family or friends.

In my 30 year "marriage" I learned how to budget in a dark room with a flashlight...hiding every little purchase from spouse who was a real tight fist with any amount!!

I was queen of the DIY!

Our relationship was rocky from the start and after all those years of verbal and economic abuse I filed for divorce.

At one of the meetings with my attorney, it was found my spouse was VERY WELL OFF. To quote my lawyer: "millions." (which began during his bachelor days - so none to me or our child).

We went on "vacation" maybe four times in those 30 years - mostly weekend sleep overs with the kids. CHEAP. Our home was in need of MAJOR repairs, but they cost money so they were NOT done. Two cars that were purchased new. (I just recently traded in the 15 year old car I got in the marital property...the man won't even help his kid with college loans but come to find out he and the new mrs own four homes between them and all the work on that old place we called home is being done now. )

Spouse had side work which kept him away from the house long long hours leaving me to do everything! And I mean EVERYTHING. As best as I could.

In short, if it doesn't feel right - it isn't.

Keep mominlaw OUT. Really. I wouldn't be so quick to blame myself here or claim paranoia. There is a reason you are suspect. Sometimes you HAVE TO BE! Before 30 years are up and you feel as if you trusted your spouse to the point of your own undoing!
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