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  #11  
Old April 18th, 2017, 11:00 AM
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Knot2loud Knot2loud is offline
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Re: What does DS want from me?

So he gives you this poor-poor-pitiful me scenario and his selective listening. A counselor or shrink will see right through his immature childish selfish nature.

Hang in there. Believe it or not... Most kids finally realize mom's aren't so bad after all.
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  #12  
Old April 19th, 2017, 06:38 AM
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Re: What does DS want from me?

Unfortunately, the quality of counselors where I live is questionable. They are taught the positive reinforcement model. Focus on the good points of someone and rationalize behaviors by trauma.

DS has had a hard start to life. I get that. Losing his dad was hard on him and even though we tried to keep him in counselling, he stopped participating. I also know that trauma can fester and come to the surface later in life.

You are right knot2loud.. It is always poor me. My mother is doing this to me... He doesn't take on board what he might have done to cause the situation.

I know he will wake up to himself, not that I think he will ever admit it.. What I worry about is how am I going to save any kind of relationship I have left without giving in to him.
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  #13  
Old April 23rd, 2017, 03:19 AM
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Re: What does DS want from me?

*Update*

I was left a message on Wednesday that DS was going to a friends place and he wouldn't know when he would be back. It is now Sunday and I have not heard from him.

I came home this morning and it was evident that he came here when I wasn't home.

It appears that I have been blocked in Facebook and no one will enlighten me as to where he is. I was informed by joint friends that he has posted that I kicked him out and he needed somewhere to stay. (This is not the truth).

As much as I worry about his whereabouts, I will not go looking for him. The Facebook thing doesn't worry me, it shows me what he is thinking.

What I don't know, is what now. He was here to get what he needed and left before I got home. I want to stop him from getting into the house as I don't know whether he will steal something to get money.. I don't know if he plans on coming back .. What do I do?
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  #14  
Old April 23rd, 2017, 05:14 AM
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Re: What does DS want from me?

I'm very sorry.

Your son made his decision. He is showing you he wants to be left alone. He wants you to throw him out.

Change the locks on the door. Keep windows closed and locked. He may visit when you are home, but he may not come back and steal from you.

Many kids run away from home at this age. You do not have to feel ashamed or hopeless. This is a bump.

Do you have support?
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  #15  
Old April 25th, 2017, 05:44 AM
JaydeeTas JaydeeTas is offline
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Re: What does DS want from me?

Thank you Lucy..

I locked the doors so he couldn't get in. (I had an internal door he didn't have keys to until I can get a locksmith in..

I arrived home last night to find he broke in to get inside. Now, that is something else I have to fix.. A friend contacted me asking did I know DS had posted on Facebook that I tried to lock him out of the house.

He refused to talk to me, continually told me that I kicked him out and he had to sleep on the street (I knew he was with friends).. That I didn't love him and he will call the police because what I was doing was illegal.

I feel I did the wrong thing, but, I ended up telling him to leave. I said he can't return until he is ready to talk.. He left.

I have friends, but, I can't keep going on about it.. My partner that left has been in contact but, he is still reluctant to be involved, even though I said I just need emotional support.

I feel so alone in all aspects now.
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  #16  
Old April 25th, 2017, 06:19 AM
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Re: What does DS want from me?

It doesn't feel like the right thing, but it is.

He had two options: Talk to you so you can work things out, or leave. He choose to leave. He made a decision, and he has to face the consequences of them.

Continue to tell him that you love him, you want the best for him, but you're going to respect his decisions and you're not going to allow him to abuse you, emotionally, verbally, physically, or financially anymore.

No one tells us how hard being a mother is. If they did, we would probably think twice about doing this work. (((hugs)))
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  #17  
Old April 25th, 2017, 10:29 AM
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Re: What does DS want from me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Continue to tell him that you love him, you want the best for him, but you're going to respect his decisions and you're not going to allow him to abuse you, emotionally, verbally, physically, or financially anymore.
Yes.


He broke in. Not surprising. Your partner isn't supportive. Great partner (sarcasm). It's easy to change locks on doors unless you have one of those fancy ones. If it's just a locking doorknob and you can see two screws... Just buy a couple of new locking doorknobs or deadbolts. Get a Phillips screw driver and wha-lah! Windows are another thing. They make those little locking window clips you can tighten on the window runner. They're not fool proof, but they work okay.

Sorry for your dilemma. Your son is just going to have to hit rock bottom before he wakes up. Just let him know you are there for him, but he has to make the effort to change and stick with it.
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  #18  
Old April 25th, 2017, 02:56 PM
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Re: What does DS want from me?

I'd like to add - don't worry what he posts about you on FB. People who know you will be able to see through that. People who care will go to the effort to reach out to you. People who know your son will know to take his words with a grain of salt. He has already contradicted himself, saying first that you had kicked him out and then that you had locked him out. Anyone with a lick of sense will quickly figure out he's just causing drama.
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  #19  
Old April 26th, 2017, 12:35 AM
JaydeeTas JaydeeTas is offline
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Re: What does DS want from me?

Hi Lucy, Knot and Kay..

Thank you so much for your support.

Yes, it is disappointing that my partner will not be supportive, however, I have to remember that DS did betray his trust. He may be worried that he is not the best person as he has resentment for my son..

The Facebook post has given me insight to how he is thinking so, that is the only thing I will take from the post nothing more. You are right, people who matter knows the truth.

The doors aren't the issue, it was the windows, I will get those locks that you were talking about though..

I have no way of contacting him at the moment, so I just have to wait for him to contact me.

Thanks again xx
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  #20  
Old May 2nd, 2017, 06:22 AM
JaydeeTas JaydeeTas is offline
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Re: What does DS want from me?

Today is DS's 18th birthday..

As DS doesn't have a phone, I wanted to just send a short birthday message so I thought I would send a Facebook message.. I find that DS had unfriended me so sending a message isn't possible.

I know it is only Facebook but, it was hurtful to see... I found out where he is staying so I messaged his friend and just said that I wished him a good birthday and I will be here whenever he wants to talk, but, I will need his key back because I am planning on moving out..

I feel like I am the only one the survived this house and I am miserable here so I am buying another place and moving on.

It is a sad night...
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