Go Back   Friends and Family Forum > The Family Forum > In-laws

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old August 16th, 2017, 11:05 PM
crazylady12 crazylady12 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 3
crazylady12 is on a distinguished road
Feeling stuck between....

I had originally posted "Future SIL acting "different" than normal". Things just seem to be getting slowly worse. I feel stuck between. I feel guilty because I think that if my 4th BIL and I would not have grown our brother and sister relationship that all of this would not be happening. I feel that my husband and my girls would have the close relationship that they were building with my 4 BIL. I feel that 4th's fiancee and I would still be friends even if we were not close friends. 4th BIL and his fiancee were not able to visit us this year because his fiancee had a close relative pass away. Obviously, that is completely understandable to stay back at home and spend time in their final days with them, etc. We were able to visit them and my 1st BIL and his family this year like usual. On our way to visit them, 4th text me in his normal joking behavior asking where we were at, etc. I joked back to him like we usually do when he would joke with me. This was the first time in a long time, we are talking months, that he has joked to me in his normal joking behavior. He and his fiancee would even chat online off and on and send videos to my children (his nieces) and/or chat online with my husband (his little brother) and our children). Well, that within the past talking months has basically completely stopped. Everything as usual with my 1st BIL and his family went Great on our visit. 4th BIL and his fiancee would visit off and on where we were staying with my 1st BIL and his family. The first evening that we saw them at this visit, they brought my 1st BIL, his family, and our family, and my MIL (1st, 4th, and my husband's mother) supper over to my 1st BIL's house. I waited awhile to make my appearance in front of him and his fiancee. I was trying to keep peace and try to not upset anyone, to be exact, 4th's fiancee and/or my 4th BIL. My husband came and got me. He said that my 4th BIL wanted to make sure that I started to get food while it was still hot. When I entered the room next to the kitchen, 4th seemed to be happy to see me and was the first to say that I was "present" among the group of people. 4th's fiancee stayed in the kitchen with my MIL and I but she would not sit at the kitchen table with us even though there were plenty of seats available. I admit that I did this every time that they came over to visit this time at my 1st BIL's house and even when they invited both families and my MIL over to their house for an evening to have supper and visit. I was hoping that if I was not present that my 4th BIL and/or his fiancee would at least have more of a one on one chat with my MIL, my husband, and/or my children (his nieces). During the whole time in my 1st and 4th BIL's community area of visiting them this year, 4th fiancee only spoke directly to me maybe 2 or 3 times. My 4th BIL stayed away from me most of the time but never seemed to completely "turn" his back on me, he just would hardly say but a few words to me and only in front her and/or other people. My 1st's BIL's wife said that her and my 1st BIL wanted to know if we wanted to take a day drive to some sightseeing places. We agreed and later on that day or the next day, 1st's wife told me that she was angry with our 4th BIL and his fiancee because they knew about those "family" sightseeing plans like a month or more before we went and they were invited to go with all of us as a "so-to-speak complete" family then they backed out. But it was not just me that my 4th BIL and his fiancee acted distant from. 4th acted distant from his mom (aka my MIL) but he at least kissed her every evening before he left to go back to his house, his nieces (which of course are his little brother and I's children. He usually loves on them, plays games, etc. with them, and/or watches tv with them.), and he was not talking as much with my husband (his little brother), My 4th BIL upset me one evening when he and his fiancee came over to visit us at my 1st BIL's house. He ate, chit chatted, and then went into the room where my children had been watching tv. He came out of that room and asked where my children had gone. I purposely watched him do this and said not one word to him just to see how he would react. My husband told me like 45 mins. to an hour earlier that he was going to take a walk with our children to get some energy out of them so they would calm down and sleep better. So for that time span that my husband was taking most of that time to walk with them, my 4th BIL had No clue that his little brother and his nieces were not present. He was going in there to say hi to his nieces and love on them but had no clue that they were gone. That completely broke my heart. I don't know if he got the clue or not that, that was just wrong to not know that 4 visiting family members of his had disappeared temporarily. I hate it but I am hoping that it broke his heart some, too. As far what I'm saying about "Feeling stuck between" goes. My 1st BIL's wife, my husband, and I are planning a "family" vacation, where at least my 1st BIL's family, our family, and my MIL meet in a state that would be like half way for both families. I'm so used to it being 3 families visiting in my 1st and 4th BIL's community area, I brought 4th and his fiancee into the picture about them traveling on this vacation to meet half way. My 1st's BIL's wife and my husband agreed not to even tell them about this "family' vacation. That broke my heart, for one, I do not remember if I completely explained before in my other post. 4th has been away from our families for years because of trying to keep peace with a controlling wife that he has children with so that he could see and be with his "babies". He finally broke free from that marriage and came back into "his" birth and sibling family life within the past 10 years. We all within that time have all been minding back as a "family" with him. It is like my 1st's BIL's family and our family is sending him out the door rather than him sending himself out the door this time. I'm sick of the family minding issues. I want all of us to be a One Big Happy Family. HELP! What does anyone think? Any ideas? Any help?

Last edited by crazylady12; August 16th, 2017 at 11:26 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old August 16th, 2017, 11:24 PM
KayKay's Avatar
KayKay KayKay is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 15,909
KayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Feeling stuck between....

Welcome back crazylady12.

First, may I ask a favor? It is difficult to read posts that are huge blocks of texts. I'd appreciate it if you'd put your post in paragraphs. I think more people would read and respond if you do.

I'm afraid the only "help" I can offer is to suggest you just let the family relationships develop as they are rather than how you want them to be. It seems your husband and your 1st BIL's wife don't want them included on the vacation. I think you need to respect that.

With that many people in a family, there are certainly bound to be issues. I'm not sure how you can help that.
__________________
Expecto Patronum!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old August 16th, 2017, 11:29 PM
crazylady12 crazylady12 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 3
crazylady12 is on a distinguished road
Re: Feeling stuck between....

Thank you for your input! I admit that I have never been very good at separating sentences into paragraphs. I do understand that it would be easier to read in paragraphs.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old August 17th, 2017, 10:53 AM
LucyVanPelt's Avatar
LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,191
LucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Feeling stuck between....

Quote:
Originally Posted by crazylady12 View Post
I want all of us to be a One Big Happy Family. HELP! What does anyone think? Any ideas? Any help?
I think your expectations are too high. There is no such thing as One Big Happy Family. Don't take their failure to meet your expectations as a personal insult. Be kind towards your 4th BIL and his fiance'. Invite them in plans, and don't judge them when they come or don't come. Accept that they are managing their own relationship and the timing might not be right. Be happy when you see them, and understanding-though-disappointed when they don't.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:43 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2007, The BlueSparks Network