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Old October 13th, 2017, 11:14 PM
nicdom nicdom is offline
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Was my brother's father in law phony with me with a mind play kind of insult?

On thanksgiving day, I ate over my brother's house. The turkey and all the rest of the food was on a 2nd table where everyone had to make their own plate while standing in line. I was next in line with my brother's father in law to left of me and brother's pet dog to left of father in law. As I was approaching the turkey on the table with my plate and fork the father in law said these exact words, "Its the dogs turn". Do you think the father in law was being phony pretending he was saying a joke that it was the pet dog's turn to have the turkey when he really meant me since it was my turn and I was the one approaching the turkey? Was this an insult disguised as a joke? I need to know what all you think so I know what to say to my brother and his wife when I phone them.

Last edited by nicdom; October 14th, 2017 at 06:25 AM.
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Old October 13th, 2017, 11:46 PM
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Re: Was my brother's father in law phony with me with an insult?

I think it was a really lame joke. I wouldn't say a thing about it to your brother or his wife unless you take it as a joke and laugh at how clever he was.
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Old October 14th, 2017, 06:02 AM
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Re: Was my brother's father in law phony with me with an insult?

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I think it was a really lame joke. I wouldn't say a thing about it to your brother or his wife unless you take it as a joke and laugh at how clever he was.
I understand how he could of meant it as a joke, that "its the dogs turn" to eat the turkey since the dog was hungry and he always begs for food especially turkey and stuffing. BUT the father in law's timing of saying that joke was wrong. He said it at the precise moment of me approaching the turkey with my fork, a second away from my fork getting a slice. Why didn't he say it as another person was approaching or getting a slice? He said it as it was my turn. I could understand if he said that joke if the dog put his paws on the table, but no. My brother's father in law(and my brother,sister,parents)) treat me kind of weird like im the black sheep of the family. What he said wasn't a real insult because he wasn't mad at me, it was more like a phony or mind play kind of insult disguised as a joke. Anyone agree? Thanks.

Last edited by nicdom; October 14th, 2017 at 06:21 AM.
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Old October 14th, 2017, 08:27 AM
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Re: Was my brother's father in law phony with me with an insult?

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Anyone agree? Thanks.
We weren't there so we can't say the context of that barb.

I am more concerned with this:
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My brother's father in law(and my brother,sister,parents)) treat me kind of weird like im the black sheep of the family.
What are you dealing with? What makes you feel like the black sheep?
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Old October 14th, 2017, 10:08 AM
nicdom nicdom is offline
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Re: Was my brother's father in law phony with me with an insult?

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Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
We weren't there so we can't say the context of that barb.

I am more concerned with this:

What are you dealing with? What makes you feel like the black sheep?
Its a long story, we're mature adults in the 40's, parents in 70s, we're close and all that but they especially my brother dont treat me the same way as they treat each other. Its always them against me on almost every argument we ever had. I believe my brother left an influence on his father in law, that is why he said what he said, although there is nothing i did wrong to deserve such a "pretend" kind of insult(if it was meant for me). Anyone believe it may of been meant for me based on how it happened? Or maby he meant it as a real joke but he did see me approaching the turkey and thats when he said "its the dogs turn". SO if i ate there at another time and he says it again, "its the dogs turn" exactly as i approached the turkey, would you then believe it was not a joke but an insult towards me?

Last edited by nicdom; October 14th, 2017 at 10:27 AM.
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Old October 14th, 2017, 10:44 AM
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Re: Was my brother's father in law phony with me with an insult?

To let you understand a little more about my brother's father in law. You know when you're invited to an in laws house, they expect you to eat or drink everything they give you even if it tastes bad. Hes the type that would pour me a really really bad tasting wine,like horrible and stare at me with a phony smile expecting me to drink the whole glass,and then ask me,"hows the wine?", as if he gains pleasure by me drinking totally crappy wine because he knows i cant say the wine is awful. He was being phony in that regard, right? Another occasion they only served me fish and chips(others ate sea food such as clams,etc) and my fish and chips looked shrivelled like it was out of the fridge for a day or 2, and he asked me, "hows the fish" with that same phony smile. NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND why i think when he said "its the dogs turn" he meant it for me? Wouldnt surprise me if he was the one who left my fish and chips outside of their fridge for a day or 2.

Last edited by nicdom; October 14th, 2017 at 10:55 AM.
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Old October 14th, 2017, 10:54 AM
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Re: Was my brother's father in law phony with me with an insult?

Two questions -

Would he pour a different wine for everyone else and pour the bad one solely for you?

If your family and your brother's in laws treat you poorly, do you have to spend time with them?
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Old October 14th, 2017, 11:12 AM
nicdom nicdom is offline
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Re: Was my brother's father in law phony with me with an insult?

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Two questions -

Would he pour a different wine for everyone else and pour the bad one solely for you?

If your family and your brother's in laws treat you poorly, do you have to spend time with them?
His exact words when i arrived there with other family that day, "I watered down the wine just for you" and he poured it only for me because he knows im the only one there that likes water or gingerale added to half glass of wine but there was something foul in that glass of wine, like "he watered down the wine as in you know what??" thats what he said and it wouldnt surprise me if he actually added just a tiny bit of that in the bottle. No i certainly dont have to go to my brother's in laws house, and wont again. But do go to my parents home only when they invite me, and umm female aquaintence. no problems ever with her.

Last edited by nicdom; October 14th, 2017 at 11:35 AM.
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Old October 14th, 2017, 11:28 AM
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Re: Was my brother's father in law phony with me with an insult?

I have no idea if he's giving you a hint to stay away. But staying away is a choice you have and honestly, I'd do it. If the man makes you uncomfortable, stay away. Just because someone invites you doesn't mean you are required to go.

I'd find alternate plans for the next family holiday meal, even if it means volunteering at a soup kitchen.
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Old October 14th, 2017, 07:34 PM
nicdom nicdom is offline
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Re: Was my brother's father in law phony with me with an insult?

If i were to imagine saying that to him the moment he was filling his plate with food, "Its the dogs turn", it certainly would seem i was calling him a dog disguised as a joke. but the difference between me and him is i wouldnt dare say that. The only way to beat a phony person at his own game is to equally be phony right back to him the moment hes phony with you but in a nice and polite way so he cant prove youre being phony like the way i cant prove he was being phony. That always works. For example,respond this way, "am i the dog?" but in a friendly and kind way, smile and laugh along with him so he cant prove youre being phony. And as for food or drink you dont like after its served to you, SIMPLY DONT EAT OR DRINK IT, thats your right if you dont like it, Leave it on the table but be very polite about it like, "oh im so sorry, i dont feel good". (but if they offer you meds at that point run for the hills, hahaha). OR simply do not go when they invite you. Case closed.

Last edited by nicdom; October 14th, 2017 at 07:56 PM.
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