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Old October 18th, 2017, 09:43 AM
jlh6786 jlh6786 is offline
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Unhappy Adult family living with parents & $ problems! Help!

Hi everyone! New to the thread but in need of advice.

February of 2017 my family and I (myself, my husband and 4 kids) had some unfortunate circumstances occur and had no choice but to move into the basement of my parent's home. I had infant twins and 2 older kids with nowhere else to go or no means financially to purchase a new apt or home so this was a last resort for all involved, and although I am very grateful to my parents for taking all of us in, it has not gone as well as originally discussed. The first issue is we live in the basement which is finished with 2 bedrooms and a bathroom, however my husband and I did spend our own money to re-do the flooring in the main living area and in the one of the bedrooms as well as repainting due to previous mold issues. There is also no kitchen and only a mini fridge, so we are forced to go upstairs to use the kitchen area and sometimes food in their fridge which gets eaten a lot by my parents and sister if its not labeled, and when we do go up to cook my parents will sometimes yell out of frustration that they need it to cook and we end up eating soup in the microwave or cereal. Not exactly healthy lol.

But, the biggest issues we are coming into is financial ones. When we first moved in it was agreed that we would pay 150 a week, totaling approximately 600 per month to live with them. Now given all the expenses my husband and I we felt this was high, but we agreed anyway because we understood my parents were in a bit of financial trouble as well, and it is extra utilities being used. However, I have had the electric company show up 3x while no one else is home except me and my kids ready to shut off the utilties, as well as the oil running out and having no hot water and the internet was shut off once as well. Either myself or my younger sister usually ends up rescuing them from these circumstances just for the mere fact that we are losing out on utilities, especially my children. He also has a bad boiler that smoked us out of the basement 4 months ago and ended up at the ER to make sure we didnt have CM poisoning and yet he refuses to replace the boiler which the fire dpt. recommended he do. Then, on a weekly basis, although they claim they are struggling financially and have asked us to pay more and we refused, my father goes golfing, and at least 2-3x a week they go out to dinner and my father usually has scotch stocked in the house and my mother goes out shopping quite frequently as well (an no, not grocery shopping). We specifically give them this money, and while unable to be saving for our own place, to go towards their mortgage and bills. My husband is ready to tell my parents that we are no longer paying them with the constant abuse of our money and it not going towards the things it should be going towards. THe mortgage is being paid by some money she receives through a trust from a deceased relative. We both feel like our money is really being used for their habits rather than the importnat things. We have suggested us paying the bills directly instead of giving them the cash but they refused to do it that way. Finally, there are major plumbing issues in the basement that ive asked my father to look into/fix numerous times and yet he still hasn't done it. We have sewer backing up into our shower as well as sewer flies. Its gross and we should not have to deal with these issues when we pay and it isn't our home in the first place. Nothing is being adressed or dealt with. My husband even mention them deeding the house over to us but they also said no to that as well.

We feel stuck and unsure what to do. I do not want to cause any more rifs between my parents and I, but I also have to think about the best interest of my own family and I support my husbands feelings as well. What would you guys do in this situation? Would you confront your parents? Should we stop paying them? Are we wrong to feel this way? I obviously have no proof that our money isn't paying anything important, however whenever I give them cash they seem to all of a sudden be going out to dinner or other extra curricular type things. Like last week I gave them a good chunk because we were a bit behind and now all of a sudden they are redoing the upstairs bathroom??? I'm at a loss. Not to mention we aren't able to save to move out because all of our extra cash is going to my parents. Also, my sister and her boyfriend live with us too and neither one of them pay rent, they are 25. We just feel like we are being used rather than treated fairly or respected. I love my parents, but at some pt i have to stick up for myself and my own family. And if the roles were reversed, id never ask for so much money from my own parents. Maybe thats just me but, idk. HELP!

Confused Daughter
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Old October 18th, 2017, 11:20 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Adult family living with parents & $ problems! Help!

My advice is exactly what you'd expect: move out.

Your parents are landlords. You have no authority to tell them how to spend the rent money, or complain if they aren't charging others the same amount of rent.

I don't know where you live, but I'll bet at $600/mo, you could find something else, even if it's in a worse part of town. Do your homework-- are there agencies that can help with first and last month's rent? Free wifi through the school district? Then do a budget. There are probably a lot of things you can do without.

Once I knew where I was going, I'd tell them that this is not working out as I had hoped, and I'm giving a two month notice. I won't pay the rent during that time because I'm saving to move out, and then move out.
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Old October 20th, 2017, 08:07 PM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: Adult family living with parents & $ problems! Help!

I agree with Lucy

Additionally I would pay the utilities directly and NOT give $$ to your parents
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Old October 24th, 2017, 08:17 AM
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Re: Adult family living with parents & $ problems! Help!

If you can move then do so. The resentment this situation is causing is not healthy.

Make a plan to move. Don't tell your parents what you're doing until you're ready to get out - then go.

They'll gripe and whine, but their life and what they do with it is their responsibility.

I wish you the best.
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