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  #21  
Old March 25th, 2012, 09:40 PM
Karina Karina is offline
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Re: What did we do wrong?

I wish I had the magical answer but I do not. But either way you will see your grandchild in time. I do however believe its best to just sit back and not get so involved with the DIL. Maybe a text here and there just asking how she and her child are doing. Things will work out the way they should, in time. Just be supportive of your son and let this situation take its course for a bit. I can only imagine what this is like for you as a grandparent as well as a parent!!! Please keep us posted and hang in there!!!!! Oh, and I would like to say one thing. As far as apology towards DIL: I would apologize once and let her know the next time her wishes will be respected. But in your defense, both you and your wife were excited to see your grandchild!!! I think you can mention that to her in your apology. I know she is stressed out etc, but I would cut you guys some slack if I was her. So with that said, good luck, and remember it'll all work out accordingly and in time.
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  #22  
Old March 26th, 2012, 07:54 AM
proudgrandad proudgrandad is offline
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Re: What did we do wrong?

Thanks again for the words of encouragement guys, it's really frustrating when couples break down like this and baby is usually in the middle of it all .. our son and DIL should be old enough and responsible enough to deal with their own emotions and feelings but my main concern is for the baby - whilst they are apart and no resolution in sight, she really doesn't want to see him but he is desperate to see her and his son, meantime baby doesn't get to see his dad in these crucial early stages of his life and it's all a complete and utter mess!!.

I've intimated to my wife that if they can't manage to come to an agreement between themselves regarding either their relationship or what's best for the baby then we may need to contact our DIL's mother (who she is staying with at present) in the hope that, as responsible adults, we can help manage the situation. I know some will see it as possibly interfering, but our son is desperate to get things back on track but out DIL is resisting all contact from him which just cannot happen regarding the baby. If there was no baby involved it would be a different ball-game, but as I say, I can't accept she won't have any contact with our son regarding the baby.

Hopefully, things won't get to that stage, but as always, I'll keep things updated
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  #23  
Old March 26th, 2012, 08:07 AM
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Annsdil Annsdil is offline
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Re: What did we do wrong?

It would be worth looking up lawyers firms or advice or contact centres, or mediation services who could possibly help your son with the legalities of seeking visitiation, or other professional advice.

Whilst it would be nice, I'm not sure it would help getting in touch with her mother. I would imagine if her mother felt on the same wavelength as you, she would have been in touch with you already.

Sorry your son is going through this.
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There’s one major problem with giving grandparents legal access to their grandchildren. People who inflicted verbal, physical and sexual abuse on their children are then given access to inflict trauma on yet another generation. ~ Wayne and Tamara
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  #24  
Old March 26th, 2012, 08:15 AM
proudgrandad proudgrandad is offline
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Re: What did we do wrong?

Thanks Annsdil, legal action is probably the last resort but if our DIL's mother can't help in the situation then it may have to be legal action after all.

Just for the record also, and I'm not sure if it affects anything, but our son and "DIL" are only engaged, not legally married. I know I've referred to her as our DIL, but that's really just how we felt towards her since they met and throughout her pregnancy. As far as the law is concerned, our son is the baby's natural father, and the birth certificate was registered not long after the birth with said details.

As I say, I personally wouldn't want to go down the road of legal action but I think I'm merely trying to find out if this relationship has a chance of working or not - and if our DIL isn't prepared to speak to my son about it, maybe she will speak to her mum, at least that way we may get an answer either way - if it's not the answer my son would maybe hope for (i.e. she wants to end the relationship) then we can hopefully help him move on whilst at the same time arrange matters with the baby.

Someone has to be responsible in this situation where the baby is concerned, because our DIL and son haven't really made a great job of it so far - and there doesn't seem to be any sign of reconciliation at all - I just don't want us to be in a position in 6 months time where nothing has changed and the baby doesn't know his dad; it's time to cut the bull so to speak and be responsible as far as I'm concerned. If they can't do it, then us parents may have to. If we can't do it, then it may very well be over to the lawyers!
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  #25  
Old March 26th, 2012, 08:46 AM
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Annsdil Annsdil is offline
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Re: What did we do wrong?

Legal action doesn't have to take place and as you say that would be the very last resort. However, it would help your son if he can know the different types of services, advice and support is out there.

If you can nudge him in the right direction to talk to professional people who are used to dealing with this sort of situation he may be more responsive as an adult than letting "mum and dad" sort his life out for him. They may suggest ways in which he can try and talk to his girl-friend, or approach her mum. Handled the right way, the girl-friends mum may see your son as a mature young adult who has baby's best interests at heart and is a good father to her Grandchild. She may be more receptive to present his case to her daughter.

It would look far better for him to be seen to be working from his own initiative and in a responsible and adult manner, than it be seen that the GP's are pushing for visitation more than he is. It would also help his self-esteem and confidence to grow in him knowing he can deal with adult matters and therefore could in the future handle anything that "life throws at him" than remain dependant on his parents.
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There’s one major problem with giving grandparents legal access to their grandchildren. People who inflicted verbal, physical and sexual abuse on their children are then given access to inflict trauma on yet another generation. ~ Wayne and Tamara
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