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Old October 1st, 2008, 10:37 PM
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It's so sad.



Today was DD's birthday. I expected MIL to call at the same exact time she always calls on birthdays. I was busy cooking dinner, so I brought a phone to DD in her room and said "Hey - GM is going to call you for your birthday in a few minutes! Go ahead and answer!"

I shoulda had some cheese to go with that whine.

Now, in defense/deeper explanation of the situation, DD is 12 and is getting to "that age" where anything Mom says is met with opposition. So the fact that I wanted her to *sigh* go to all of the effort of *roll eyes* PICKING up the phone *side to side head thing* and ANSWERING... well, I was obviously being too demanding. And I don't know what I'm talking about and I just don't know and things are different today that it was when I was a kid.

But my point is that it made me so sad to hear my DD whining "But WHY? Why do *I* have to talk to her?" (Honey, it's your birthday!) "SO? Doesn't that mean that I shouldn't have to talk to her if I don't want to?" (Uhhh....) "Why don't YOU talk to her?" (Because she doesn't want to talk to ME...)

Absolutely heartbreaking. I wanted better for my wonderful DD.

In the end, it turns out that MIL didn't call at all, but FIL called (when DH was home to pick up the phone) and talked to DD. That was fine.
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Old October 2nd, 2008, 02:01 AM
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Re: It's so sad.

I should have read this before I answered the first post KayKay!
I can relate ok to this! What can I say? Welcome to the age of young teenagers I know shes only twelve but girls are more advanced than boys.
We have a great ad for MacDonalds running here in Ireland at the moment.
Its a dad in MacDs with DD. He asks her to go to thre cinema and it switches from picture of the preteenagers boredom to picture of the slightly older childs total disinteres to the young adults nice appreciative manner,,,,,in other words, full circle. The caption is that things change in thre blink of an eye,
We all know about these things but it doesnt make it easier.
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Old October 2nd, 2008, 04:51 AM
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Re: It's so sad.

Ahh, the disaffective, disinterested, rebellions years have begun!

It's a shame that MIL didn't call, though. She's giving up a lot by not forging that bond with her GD.
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Old October 2nd, 2008, 05:09 AM
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Re: It's so sad.

I was just wondering a little while ago KayKay would your son with the difficulty be rebellious? My lad is not and always seems to fully appreciate all that we do for him in every way. Isnt it a strange world.? He would though be frustrated from time to time as he doesnt have the opportunites of the others.
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Old October 2nd, 2008, 06:38 AM
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Re: It's so sad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post



Now, in defense/deeper explanation of the situation, DD is 12 and is getting to "that age" where anything Mom says is met with opposition. So the fact that I wanted her to *sigh* go to all of the effort of *roll eyes* PICKING up the phone *side to side head thing* and ANSWERING... well, I was obviously being too demanding. And I don't know what I'm talking about and I just don't know and things are different today that it was when I was a kid.

.
You mean it gets worse? My 7-year-old has already started the eye rolling, head bob, big sigh, dramatics.

Your MIL ticks me off. And you are right, it really is sad. My kids get so excited when my stepdad and family calls on their b-days (granted they are much younger). Heck, my nephew would get excited when my mom (his grandma) called him on his B-day and he was in his 20s.

The phrase "its her (MILs) loss" comes to mind.
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Old October 2nd, 2008, 08:33 AM
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Re: It's so sad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizzie View Post
I was just wondering a little while ago KayKay would your son with the difficulty be rebellious? My lad is not and always seems to fully appreciate all that we do for him in every way. Isnt it a strange world.? He would though be frustrated from time to time as he doesnt have the opportunites of the others.

TBH Lizzie, my DS is a relatively easy teenager (so far, that is - he's only 13). However, he was a VERY difficult child. I think the independence/cord-cutting happened with him when he was two. I don't know what to attribute it to, though. He's a very different personality than DD - he's a lot like me... pretty much an optimist and a generally happy person. And, just to make it easier, he sees a therapist (on the advice of the neuropsychologist who evaluated him) who helps him negotiate socially in ways that I can't. (I am seriously considering signing DD up for appointments with this therapist )

My DS is totally mainstreamed. He's got his difficulties, but they aren't so severe. Worse yet (poor kid) he's got a mom who's not going to let that hold him back. He's a bright kid (you know how that goes) and he just has some learning disabilities that he just needs to learn to work around. Once he's an adult, and can pick and choose his lifestyle, his differences will become less of a burden.
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Old October 2nd, 2008, 08:41 AM
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Re: It's so sad.

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Originally Posted by grubby View Post
You mean it gets worse? My 7-year-old has already started the eye rolling, head bob, big sigh, dramatics.
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Old October 2nd, 2008, 09:23 AM
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Re: It's so sad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by grubby View Post
You mean it gets worse? My 7-year-old has already started the eye rolling, head bob, big sigh, dramatics.

Your MIL ticks me off. And you are right, it really is sad. My kids get so excited when my stepdad and family calls on their b-days (granted they are much younger). Heck, my nephew would get excited when my mom (his grandma) called him on his B-day and he was in his 20s.

The phrase "its her (MILs) loss" comes to mind.
DD was my loving, sweet child up until a few months ago. She's the one who wanted me to walk her to her classroom every morning and kiss her goodbye... up through 5th grade! The head bobbing and eye rolling is all new to me, and it's FINE (well, "expected") but it took me by surprise at first and I wasn't so happy about it. Now I just laugh inside when she does it, and don't react.

The bigger point for me was that DD had such a strong adverse reaction to talking to her GM. That really made me sad. No matter how teenager-y the teenager is, the GP bond should be special. Never, throughout my entire teens, did I not want to talk to my GM. I --> ADORED <-- her, and she was a source of love when I was unloveable. I'm sad that my DD doesn't get that from my MIL.

MIL is punishing us for not calling her. Long story I haven't posted, but MIL did something really hurtful (intended for DH, I think, but you know how it is when someone hurts your DH ) back in August and I vowed to not talk to her until her birthday (this weekend, so I'm almost there). DH will answer the phone when MIL calls (sometimes) but I haven't called there (or returned her calls) in 2 months. Of course if *I* don't call, no one calls. I know MIL is upset about that (and I understand) but that's a battle between her and DH.

She's taking it out on my DD, who already is hurt because of MIL's favoritism of DS. If she wants to punish US, fine. Don't call DH for his birthday (a couple of weeks) and don't call me for MY birthday (next month). But don't take it out on my 12 year old daughter.
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Old October 2nd, 2008, 09:40 AM
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Re: It's so sad.

You know KayKay MILs are funny people! Mine knows that DS2 has been difficult for a number of years and yet she will forget the others bdays or give them little and shower DS2 with praise and gifts...Is this crooked or what? As years go by I just dont react but I am sorry for the other kids.
I had to press a photo of my DS3 debs/grad ball on her as she has never displayed school photos of my boys. I warned her to stick it up[ somewhere!
It was a lovely photo and it made me wish I had my own M & D to be proud of them..but thats life...not easy to accept.
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Old October 2nd, 2008, 01:33 PM
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Re: It's so sad.

I'm so sorry KayKay - there's really nothing you can do in regards to your MIL's behaviour. Your poor DD. Frankly, I don't see why you need to encourage your daughter to interact with her grandma - clearly DD can't be bothered if her GM can't be bothered. I find that so sad too - what a loss for your MIL - and your DD because you know so intimately what she is losing out on which is a wonderful, loving grandma.

As for MIL taking it out on DD rather than you and your DH - you know I know EXACTLY what you mean. But you know, this is the reality of life - some families have duds in them, and in your family its your MIL (I know she can be normal at times so I know I am being a bit harsh) - and your DD pretty much knows what your MIL is all about.

Good luck this week-end by the way with your MIL's birthday coming up - I hope its uneventful.
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