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Old January 24th, 2013, 08:06 AM
LonelyinOH LonelyinOH is offline
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What am I doing wrong?

Hi everyone,
I am writing to get some advice. I work out of my home and so do not have a lot of contact with the outside world. I seem to have found myself with really no friends anymore. I have one who I thought was a very close friend, but she recently didnt something that was so rude and hurtful to my daughter. I confronted her about it and now we barely speak. My children are 14 and 10 and have met a few of the moms of their friends that I really like, but I feel like an outsider in the group tho. Just Monday, a few of them got together for one of the little girls birthday, that just happens to be my daughter's closest friend. Of course, we were not invited. They posted pics all over Facebook, and my daughter was very hurt by it. I am early 40s and just find myself at a loss as to how to make friends or fit in anywhere anymore. I am a good person, I bend over backwards for my friends and am there for them day or night. I feel like most people seem to like me as an acquaintance, but I am having a hard time trying to find a few closer friends to meet for lunch with or go to a movie once in awhile. What am I doing wrong anymore, I have always had lots of friends in my life, but suddenly find myself having drifted away from all of them or being hurt and left out from the ones I have been closest to. Not sure what to do, feel like a total loser with no friends all the sudden and am very lonely!!!
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Old January 24th, 2013, 08:25 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: What am I doing wrong?

Can you volunteer at your kids' schools? That might get you out and meeting people. There are tons of volunteer jobs that can be done on a lunch hour. That's how I meet most of the people I develop friendships with.
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Old January 24th, 2013, 09:03 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: What am I doing wrong?

I know how you feel. It's harder to make friends as we mature. The first thing I would suggest is to invite some of those aquaintances to coffee. Sometimes we feel snubbed but we are actually overlooked. It doesn't hurt any less, but when it's easier to forgive and correct when it's accidental.

As KayKay suggested, volunteering at school is a good place to meet people, too. So are other volunteer opportunities, church groups, and book clubs at the public library. Or you may want to look into professional organizations, like a Pilot Club International or your local Business Association.

Also, be careful about how you react to anything on FB. Your daughter will look to you on how to respond. If you get upset, she will, too. Instead teach her about manners and why they are important. First, one should not act hurt or do anything about being left off the guest list. Sometimes people have to limit numbers and have to make tough cuts. Every invitation is an honor with is bestowed on us; we are never entitled to be a guest. Secondly, it is rude to talk or advertise events in front of those who were not invited. FB violates that. The best way around it is to use the "hide post" feature or unsubscribe from the friend's post. Your DD can do the right thing even if her friend doesnt.

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Old January 24th, 2013, 09:17 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: What am I doing wrong?

To expand on Lucy's post...

My personal belief is that sometimes people's FB, Twitter, etc. account is something like those annual Christmas letters that people send. Sometimes (not always) people only put stuff up that makes them seem cool, popular, fun, etc. No one is going to post pictures of negative things that happen to them. Maybe there's pictures from a fun party, but is there a picture of an 'F' on a Geometry test? So when looking at Facebook, Twitter, etc. it's important to see the things posted there as a snapshot and not as representative of all-day-every-day.

JMHO.
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