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Other friendships Best friends, ex-friends, or any other friends

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Old January 4th, 2018, 01:17 AM
Marylise Marylise is offline
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One way relationship

I feel I am always the one keeping in touch, supporting, listening etc with my friends and they donít seem to care about me... to the point i tested it. 5 years ago I stopped contacting 3 of them and they have not really been in touch with me since. I am hurt but feeling better than having just a one way relationship.
I miss them too cause they were great. On an other hand I have more precious time for myself, but feel lonely. My question is how to build a balance relationship?
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Old January 4th, 2018, 04:50 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: One way relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marylise View Post
My question is how to build a balance relationship?
You have to be very careful about how you categorize the people you spend your time with. Good friends are rare and building the relationships take a long time. They go through a pattern which very much looks like romantic relationships: you meet and like each other, want to hang out all the time, then imperfections become apparent, you get on each other's nerves or hurt feelings, and then make the decision-- is this friendship worth working through the disagreements? When you work through them, and learn to trust that you will be supportive of each other even through the tough times, then you have a good balanced relationship.

The people you were spending time with before weren't really friends. They were people you did fun things with. You didn't make it past the point where imperfections were apparent. You can still hang out with people who aren't your best friends-- that will be the majority of the world-- and have a good time.
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Old January 25th, 2018, 12:13 AM
PineLeaves PineLeaves is offline
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Re: One way relationship

Iíve felt that way myself at times with my best friend. Started to get a bit resentful. Then it occurred to me to question what my needs are-something I donít really ever do, so itís tricky process. But I think for me that feeling of imbalance/one sidedness comes from not acknowledging my own needs and not taking steps to go after fulfilling them myself. I am a bit of a people pleaser-so go out of my way to try to make others happy and assume itís selfish to want things myself, so struggle to accept that wanting things is ok. Instead Iíd try to suppress my own needs by giving even more.

I was passively waiting on my friend to notice I guess and then getting disappointed when she didnt. And then Iíd start failing to see all the wonderful things she does offer me.

So maybe ask yourself-what are you needing that youíve been looking to your friends to give you? And what are some other strategies you could try to get these needs met?

Sometimes the people in our lives canít give us all the things we need-but it doesnít mean they donít care...they just show their care in other ways.
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