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Old January 23rd, 2013, 03:02 PM
galwaygirl galwaygirl is offline
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not consistent

I live with my gf and her 4 kids ...3 teens and an 11 year old. The fights that my gf and I get are almost always about the kids. Discipline, chores, fighting with each other etc. I've been living here for a year. When I talk to my gf regarding the kids she feels I am being critical. We don't have structure. What can I do?
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 05:03 PM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: not consistent

have you tried couples/family counciling?
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Old January 24th, 2013, 09:19 AM
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Re: not consistent

I've just read recently that mothers who are depressed are much more likely to have kids who are badly behaved, as they can't approach things consistently. (I think it is considered a symptom to some extent). These mothers might think they are disciplining and being consistent, but if they are down, sorting out bad behaviour is just too much, and they seem to retreat emotionally. Is there any chance your gf has been depressed in the past? - It is quite probable if she has been struggling with her sexuality when the kids were little. In this case i agree, you may need family counselling. Wishing you all the best, and keep us posted.
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Old January 24th, 2013, 12:09 PM
galwaygirl galwaygirl is offline
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Re: not consistent

She struggles with depression. But when I bring any changes up...she getsv very upset
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Old January 26th, 2013, 11:04 AM
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Re: not consistent

Quote:
Originally Posted by galwaygirl View Post
She struggles with depression. But when I bring any changes up...she getsv very upset
She probably sees it as a criticism of her parenting - which i guess deep down she knows hasn't been adequate. It is awful to feel you've let your kids down through things that have been avoidable.

Unless you can get her to talk to you about it, or get the kids to talk to you, there may not be much you really can do. Unless she is willing to have the discussion, you may have to decide if you can put up with it or not. Would you be able to go to some parenting seminars together? - That might be a way to get the conversational ball rolling.
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Old February 27th, 2013, 10:49 AM
DadofFour DadofFour is offline
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Re: not consistent

Sounds like you should change her status from Girl friend to ex.

4 kids? Teenagers too? Man, you are talking a WHOLE lot of baggage........on top of that it seems like she lacks any discipline with them.

Think with your head, not your heart.

RUN, RUN FAST
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