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Old December 17th, 2012, 11:22 AM
Pcrivera Pcrivera is offline
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Childs best interest?

Hello,
Ok well I have a 5 yr old son, I separated from his dad shortly after giving birth because he wouldnt change his lifestyle, I didnt include him on the birth certificate (we were never married), within a year he got arrested for selling drugs and placed in jail, all this time I allowed him and his family to see our son on a regular basis. When he was not in jail he did provide minimal and unreliable financial support. When my son was a year old, i met a great guy at college who loves me and my son. He has always been there for us. On the other hand, my sons dad escaped from jail and eventually got back in jail. He has been in jail since then, a year ago he got released on probation, but went out of the country and violated his provation. In fear of going back to jail, he has not returned to America. I got engaged almost two years ago, my fiancee as much as he loves me he said he wouldnt proceed with our wedding if i dont break all communication with my sons dad. I understand he keeps making mistakes over mistakes but i thinks a child should have both parents in his life. I love my fiancee and I have problem with denying his biological father any of his rights because he has never really shown any maturity or responsability but I dontwant to be selfish. Is his dads relatioship really essential or should I move on?
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Old December 17th, 2012, 11:57 AM
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snafu snafu is offline
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Re: Childs best interest?

my recommendation is check with a lawyer (or two) - most will do a consult for a flat rate.



heres my take in general kids should have a relationship with both parents. There are exceptions -such as when there's been child abuse.
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Old December 17th, 2012, 12:12 PM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Childs best interest?

I think a good relationship with both parents is ideal, but it isn't always possible. In situations like yours, your ex is not even in the same country, so essentially ties are broken. Having a good man around who loves him will help your DS. But is your fiance offering to adopt your DS?
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Old April 27th, 2013, 08:46 AM
Jaydee Jaydee is offline
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Re: Childs best interest?

I want to share my story in the hopes it will make sense at the end. I was married at 19. Emotional abusive relationship with a guy hooked on morphine. He was never bad to the kids, just bad to me essentially.
I left him when I was 5 months pregnant with our second son.
It was abusive in the relationship and just as abusive out of the relationship, however, I let the boys have contact with their father.
Their father passed away from OD'ing on methodone. Thankfully the boys werent there at the time.
2 reasons I didn't stop them. 1. The boys werent in any danger and I had family members constantly in contact with their father while they were there. and 2. I never wanted to be blamed for keeping them away from their father.
I am now in a position where my new partner is in CONSTANT contact with his ex. I hate it so much, but, as long as it has something to do with the kids I dont kick off.
Your fiance must understand that putting this pressure on you is not what you need. I understand he is trying to push you into a situation he thinks is best. What you could be doing is working together to compromise.
I just believe that even though we might not get on well with our ex's we shouldn't stop the kids from seeing their parents UNLESS they are in an unsafe environment.

I hope this helps.
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Old April 27th, 2013, 04:15 PM
Boofy Boofy is offline
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Re: Childs best interest?

I am currwntly a volunteer with CASA, court appointed advocates for children in juvenile and family court. Get thee to a lawyer, have your local court appoint a CASA volunteer or a Guardian ad Litem to investigate whether or not this man even should have access to the child. Getting this right is the most important thing you can do for your child----good luck!
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Old June 8th, 2013, 08:29 AM
janne janne is offline
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Re: Childs best interest?

Personally I feel you should move on in life...As it is the biological father has never done anything for you or the child..If your boyfriend loves your son ,and is ready to accept him , you should not worry..
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Old December 28th, 2013, 04:07 AM
luvmyfamily luvmyfamily is offline
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Re: Childs best interest?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaydee View Post
2 reasons I didn't stop them. 1. The boys werent in any danger and I had family members constantly in contact with their father while they were there. and 2. I never wanted to be blamed for keeping them away from their father.
I am now in a position where my new partner is in CONSTANT contact with his ex. I hate it so much, but, as long as it has something to do with the kids I dont kick off.
Your fiance must understand that putting this pressure on you is not what you need. I understand he is trying to push you into a situation he thinks is best. What you could be doing is working together to compromise.
I just believe that even though we might not get on well with our ex's we shouldn't stop the kids from seeing their parents UNLESS they are in an unsafe environment.

I hope this helps.
I agree with Jaydee, she said it very correctly...

And as you have said in the post, that he
is not in the same country, then such meetings
incidents would be very less...

And as for his family,after you explain,they would understand
that now you are starting with your life again,messing up
with your life won't be a good thing even for the kid...

ALL THE BEST DEAR...
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