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Old March 25th, 2017, 08:08 PM
nivakunc nivakunc is offline
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How do I deal with my spouse?

She is good as long as my parents topic won't come into the picture. My parents are dependent at this old page. I've been sending money monthly little bit for their expenses. Recently, my father met with an accident and I took care of the expenses in the hospital. I've two elder brothers but since their financial status was not good, they did not contribute anything. This made my wife upset, she directly contacted one of our brother's family and asked for the contribution. Since then, the relationship with my brother was broken. My parents are in terrible conditions now as the other elder brother made a financial mess in his business and now parents are suffering with the criticism from his lenders although they are innocent in this case.

I really want to help my parents if not my brother, for e.g. I want to sell the current house where they are staying (that's on my name), and pay some money out of that to the lenders and asking parents to go to some place where they can live peacefully. I did not tell this plan to my wife as I know her attitude, she will never agree. Since I fully paid the hospital payments, now, she wants to track each expenses in my account closely, and she is insisting me to transfer all the money I've in my account to hers.

I've not seen such an aggressive personality in my life, I found a wrong match I feel sometimes. I've two kids now. Seeing them, I'm adjusting. I did transfer some money to satisfy her. But now she wants everything. I can do that. With that, I can't have anything to help my parents, and I can't convince her to sell the house although I've all the rights on that house.


Life seems to be emotion less to me, and sometimes I feel frustrated when I feel my parents gave me good life, and I just can't help them because of my partner. How do I convince her to help my parents? I'm even Ok to transfer to her parents the money whatever is required. But she seems to be stubborn.
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Old March 25th, 2017, 08:22 PM
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Re: How do I deal with my spouse?

Your priority is with your spouse and your children. She will never agree to help your parents if you do not put her and your children's needs first.

I reread your other post, where you want to help your parents who are suffering because your older brother made a mess of his finances and people are bothering your parents. I suspect that your wife thinks giving them help is foolish.

It is very kind to want to help your parents, but they can not come first over your wife and children. Help them without giving them money.
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Old April 1st, 2017, 06:31 PM
lilly210 lilly210 is offline
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Re: How do I deal with my spouse?

I can understand where your coming from.
My younger brother moved out with his abusive girlfriend after she stole money from my younger brothers room. She caused such a huge mess that my brother had to get a new place for them to move out of my parents house.
We were worried about him so much, however he made the decision to stay with her after everything because of their child together.
My brother eventually couldn't stand it anymore and decided to break it off with her after 1 year of living with her. She went back to home to Seattle with her Mom and daughter from another father along with my nephew. It was so sad.
The whole family decided gather together and help him this time and moved the whole apartment back. My parents let him live at their house for 3 months without rent. Right away, he found another girl and they fell in love. He had that girl moved into my parents house without permission. His girlfriend is disrespectful. They end up moving out because my Mom couldn't take it anymore because of her attitude and she doesn't work and he does. She's a free loader with a kid and sleeps all day. But he does love her.

I one thing we know we did right is, we set the expectation with him.
He needs to set boundaries with the girls he's with. He's a push over and spoils his women. That doesn't mean the family needs to do that. There are boundaries. We told him we cannot deal with another one of these events and it took a lot out of us to help him and support him daily. Conversation was had when he moved back, so it didn't come as a surprise if it happens again.

Now, he is working on his relationship with him family again because he left us without saying anything. And blames us for what happened and that we didn't accept her. We told him that she's disrespectful and does not contribute anything. It's not our fault she got herself kicked out of the house by my mom. If you're not going to pay rent, then do something. that's my parents house and she can't do whatever she wants.

He moved out and got a place of his own. We had to deal with his stuff he left Moms house and end up throwing everything away and donating it.

He left us twice.

What changed? We didn't help him again and told him he had to do it on his own now. We were all on the same page. It was up to him to grow up.

So with your situation, I would totally help my parents because they did give me a good life. However it doesn't fix the issue. Is it possible your wife has a problem with your brother's actions instead? She doesn't want suffer because of his wrong doing? Maybe if your brother cannot help financially. Maybe he can do something else. Maybe you both can talk about some sort of a situation.

My sister in law is hot headed and says no to everything. My husband is the same way and doesn't give solutions. My brother and I talks about it instead and gets significant others involved at the tail end. During brainstorm, they are not invited because if not, there's going to be issues and arguments. That's our workaround and I really hope things work out for you.
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Old April 4th, 2017, 08:58 AM
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Re: How do I deal with my spouse?

I am sorry you are dealing with these issues.

The one thing that I wonder is why is she so worried and concerned about the finances?

I find BIG problems with her wanting you to transfer all to HER NAME. Trust me, that will be a nightmare!

Maybe it is time to tell HER, what YOU feel is BEST for YOU.

If you are not asking her to give up a roof over her head, food, etc., or that she must give money to your parents...then maybe it is time to sit and discuss the relationship you two have - or don't have.

Helping parents as best as you can is something many people do. I just wonder why she is so against it as far as money goes.
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Old April 19th, 2017, 11:46 PM
Angewaa007 Angewaa007 is offline
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Re: How do I deal with my spouse?

My husband and my son won't connect.
My son went through separation anxiety at 10 months, and screamed every time that my husband tried to pick him up, but now my husband won't spend anytime with our LO and it's really upsetting me. Our LO is nearly 2 and they don't spend any time together.
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Old April 20th, 2017, 12:24 AM
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Re: How do I deal with my spouse?

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope as he gets older and can play catch or roughhouse a little bit (just a little bit) your husband will connect with him. My DH accidentally hurt our DS when he was a few months old (caught his skin in a safety buckle on a swing) and was rattled after that about handling him. It took DS getting too heavy for me to carry for DH to get his confidence back.
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Old April 21st, 2017, 04:47 PM
ChristianMartinez ChristianMartinez is offline
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Unhappy Re: How do I deal with my spouse?

I am sorry for that
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Old May 3rd, 2017, 11:52 AM
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Re: How do I deal with my spouse?

Make a Budget

Add all the money that comes in for you and your wife.

Subtract all that must be spent on your family and household. (Include an agreed upon savings)

Divide what's left between you and your wife to spend as you each see fit.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nivakunc View Post
She is good as long as my parents topic won't come into the picture. My parents are dependent at this old page. I've been sending money monthly little bit for their expenses. Recently, my father met with an accident and I took care of the expenses in the hospital. I've two elder brothers but since their financial status was not good, they did not contribute anything. This made my wife upset, she directly contacted one of our brother's family and asked for the contribution. Since then, the relationship with my brother was broken. My parents are in terrible conditions now as the other elder brother made a financial mess in his business and now parents are suffering with the criticism from his lenders although they are innocent in this case.

I really want to help my parents if not my brother, for e.g. I want to sell the current house where they are staying (that's on my name), and pay some money out of that to the lenders and asking parents to go to some place where they can live peacefully. I did not tell this plan to my wife as I know her attitude, she will never agree. Since I fully paid the hospital payments, now, she wants to track each expenses in my account closely, and she is insisting me to transfer all the money I've in my account to hers.

I've not seen such an aggressive personality in my life, I found a wrong match I feel sometimes. I've two kids now. Seeing them, I'm adjusting. I did transfer some money to satisfy her. But now she wants everything. I can do that. With that, I can't have anything to help my parents, and I can't convince her to sell the house although I've all the rights on that house.


Life seems to be emotion less to me, and sometimes I feel frustrated when I feel my parents gave me good life, and I just can't help them because of my partner. How do I convince her to help my parents? I'm even Ok to transfer to her parents the money whatever is required. But she seems to be stubborn.
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