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Old April 29th, 2017, 03:44 AM
annoyedlatina annoyedlatina is offline
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I hate my boyfriend's mother and is ruining our relationship

My (29-year-old) boyfriend and I met online and I moved to his country to go to university and meet him three years ago. Due to some extenuating circumstances we had to move in together shotly after we met. Right there, I knew that his mother was going to be an issue for us, because she constantly called him on the phone and he went to her place (two blocks down the road from us) almost every single day (he had no job back then).

When I bought a car in Halloween 2015, things just got worse. Since my country's driver license apparently was not valid here, my bf had to be the one driving my car. His mother and grandmother would call to go somewhere every other day, and when we took them to the supermarket, we even had to wait for them for over an hour to take them back home. May I add, their place is close to the supermarket and is $5 away by taxi and $1 away by bus. I never said anything to my bf because it was his family and I was already feeling guilty for thinking and feeling the way I did.

When I convinced my bf to go back to school, which btw his mother (in front of me) said that it was a bad idea and that he should jjust keep his work as a part time meat clerk in a supermarket, things calmed down a bit. However, his mom keeps call bombing him at any time, to the point where I had to buy a call blocking app to stop her from bothering all effing day. She'd call him 3-5 times a day, at 11 pm or 7 am, and when I confronted him about it he said that it doesn't bother him and that I'm lying, that they don't speak that often, but hey, I can see his call log.

Last Christmas we went to the city where his father and stepmother live, whom he hasn't spoken to in years. There, to our surprise they were really glad to have us over, and were really nice and caring towards both of us. A few days before we came back, both father and stepmom told him and me EVERYTHING that happened when my bf's father and mother got divorced. My bf used to sleep on a couch, when the father apparently had sent more than enough money to provide for them in addition to paying child support, which his mother said he never paid, in addition to many other things.

This augmented my hatred towards her. She is really biased towards my bf's older sister and accomodates and pampers her in any way she can, while treating my bf as an errand boy. My bf's sister would call multiple times a week asking for money, so he wouldn't pick up her call, but then mother called to make him send her money, which wasn't even for emergency or necessity; every time she asked for money, she would post pics of new shoes or makeup a few days later, so it's not hard to connect the dots. All this just kept feeding the fire inside me. I cannot conceive the idea of a mother who would let their child quit school in 7th grade and do nothing about it, encourage him to not go to college only to keep a part time job, allow his son to sleep on a couch while being able to provide him with a bed, and what's worse, while buying an air mattress for the daughter for when she came to visit, plus the multiple calls and multiple times she asked for free drives on my car.

She completely brainwashes my bf. The day we came back from the city where his father lives, we immediately went to his mother's place. When he came back, he told me that what his father said was mostly lies (even though he offer to show proof of everything he said), and that I am mean towards his family (because I don't want to go to their place), that his mother could not force him to go to school (isn't this what parents do to ensure their child's future and that they do what's best for them?), etc. I'm just getting very annoyed and fed up with his bull**** family, and asked him to go to therapy. We already have the place, however, we will have to wait until september to start it because he will spend the summer with his father and stepmother.

Please give me some advice, comments, anything!! I need to know that I'm not insane like he says, that what his mother did and does to him is not right and he is too blind to see it.
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Old April 29th, 2017, 04:34 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: I hate my boyfriend's mother and is ruining our relationship

My best advice for you is to run. Leave your BF and find a man who can live independently. This relationship isn't worth any more of your time or effort.

Why would I say that? Your bf already thinks you're insane. There's no trust. Instead of growing together, you two will just continue to battle and end up being miserable. You'll blame his mother. He'll blame you.
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Old April 29th, 2017, 09:18 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: I hate my boyfriend's mother and is ruining our relationship

annoyedlatina, why do you not think you are worth more than this? You have been unhappy with this situation for almost a year and it seems nothing has changed.

http://www.friendsandfamilyforum.com...ead.php?t=7866

Please leave him. Your life will be so much better.
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Old May 1st, 2017, 06:20 AM
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Re: I hate my boyfriend's mother and is ruining our relationship

Change the phone number and don't tell anyone what it is. LOL

Just think if you marry this guy and have kids or just have kids. His mother will be more than happy to tell you what the RIGHT way is to do things - Change a diaper, feed the baby, feed her son. Since you are the only one with a car; your BF can continue taking his mommy to the supermarket and he won't have to go to school or work a full time job - you can do that.

Wow! This sounds like a great relationship!

For his mommy...
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Old May 3rd, 2017, 11:09 AM
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chissus chissus is offline
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Re: I hate my boyfriend's mother and is ruining our relationship

My MIL and I fought over her son really bad all the time. Who did he love more? We were both insecure. She was afraid that I would take him away from her. But I didn't want to be his mother so I had to convince her he loved her. What I did was to ask my husband to tell her he loved and appreciated her often. That was all it took. She and I became friends.
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