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Old August 13th, 2013, 05:35 AM
MrsC2013 MrsC2013 is offline
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Overreacting or BINGO!

So, I would like a completely objective look at something. Yesterday my husband and I were texting while I was at work. He was saying so many nice things, and then all of sudden I get a random text, "Is it natural birth or C section". This was immediately followed by messages saying "sorry, a niece of mine is having birth. Its my bro ____ girl. she alone sorry for the wrong text". Then another, "sorry hope ur not upset. things are ok"

I said, "why are you sorry? is she okay?"

Keep in mind, I have never heard that this brother had a child at all, let alone a grown woman. But, I figured we're newlyweds, and this particular brother is kind of homeless, etc.

He responds to my text, "I don't know havent heard back. Shes in labor and shes a gal my family hasnt recognized as a member but ive been talking to her for a few years and gotten close"

In that same minute (gotta love text message time stamps), I get another text, "omg baby id love to be there for u now rubbing fingers in your hair making you feel comfortable ok ok yes id even kiss you lol hope ur ok. is it painful?"

Not going to sugercoat it........... I kinda lost it. He responded by going WAY off the deep end though. A whole string of messages about this "is my niece", "she's alone....going through a separation......you're reading it all wrong"...... and whole slew of "you're an effing idiot..........jealous effing b*".............about 7 of those messages.

Those messages continued until I said, "fine, show that text to ____ and ____" (the brothers I DO know), and see if they agree with you about how innocent it looks. All the defensive language stopped immediately, and now he's not speaking to me.

1. Am I right................that text does not sound like something a man would be sending to a niece.

2. Most likely it was not to a niece at all.

3. The huge cliff dive response I got confirms that he is caught.

4. This man is clearly cheating on me........already! (or possibly from long before because who knows if this woman is having HIS baby??)
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Old August 13th, 2013, 05:44 AM
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Re: Overreacting or BINGO!

No one here can say what his relationship is to the woman he was texting, but it's weird that you're married to this guy and don't know who she is, especially if he's so close as to be "running his fingers through her hair" and kiss her. Very strange.

But, honestly, I'm more concerned with this:
Quote:
and whole slew of "you're an effing idiot..........jealous effing b*".............about 7 of those messages.
Why would you tolerate this verbal abuse? In your shoes, there would be no "he's not speaking to me." I would not be speaking to HIM without either the benefit of a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer.
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Old August 13th, 2013, 06:24 AM
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Re: Overreacting or BINGO!

Quote:
In that same minute (gotta love text message time stamps), I get another text, "omg baby id love to be there for u now rubbing fingers in your hair making you feel comfortable ok ok yes id even kiss you lol hope ur ok. is it painful?"
I have a lot of neices... Talking to one of them like that... "omg baby" "rubbing your fingers"...

That's a little over the top for me. However, I have no idea of his personal relationship with his neice.

I will mention that I have a lady cousin that I have a very close relationship with. However, I would never speak to her like that.

Quote:
A whole string of messages about this "is my niece", "she's alone....going through a separation......you're reading it all wrong"...... and whole slew of "you're an effing idiot..........jealous effing b*".............about 7 of those messages.
Ugh... Not good.

Question (you don't need to answer openly on the forum): Are you a jealous person? I mean to say... Other than the average - over the top - ridiculously jealous where you wonder who your husband is talking to if he goes to the store by himself to get a carton of milk or sits outside some evening playing frogger on his cell phone.

Any person who is having an affair will eventually be found out.
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Old August 13th, 2013, 07:45 AM
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Re: Overreacting or BINGO!

Hi and Thank You!

I definitely will not be speaking to him without a third party present. And, no, I am not a jealous person. He has an ex that he remains friends with, which I don't like, but that has to do with the fact that there have been occasions where she will text and ring his phone off the hook until he picks up/responds. I don't believe she has "finished her business" with him.

He does stuff all the time by himself, weekend camping trips, hunting, etc. I never worry about, nor question any of that.

And, I also have a male cousin I am extremely close to, but if he ever spoke to me like that, it would creep me out.

Thank you so much for your inputs.
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Old August 13th, 2013, 08:15 AM
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Re: Overreacting or BINGO!

Welcome MrsC2013

Is it possible that the two texts messages weren't going to the same person? Or, if they were, they weren't going to the person giving birth? TBH, "is it C section or natural" isn't something you'd really have to ask someone whose hair you'd run your fingers through and kiss, IMO.

Now... I WILL say that if the niece is indeed a child (say a 17yo or something) who has an absentee dad, and is going through childbirth alone (no baby daddy?) she was probably terrified. If you read his message through the eyes of someone who is about the only father figure she has... a male who cared about her (with presumably no experience as a dad)... that might be his impression of "fatherly" things to say. Saying "I'd even kiss you" isn't really something you'd say to someone with whom you are having an affair. Since your husband has so much personal freedom, he could probably have snuck off to be at the birth if it was something that meant that much to him.

But I agree with Lucy - the abusive texts which followed are an issue of their own, even if the first couple of texts were innocent.
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Old August 13th, 2013, 08:18 AM
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Re: Overreacting or BINGO!

I think you need to trust your gut instincts. His reaction sounds like he is projecting his anger at being caught out at you. He is also being extremely careless with his texting to the point that it sounds like he is almost wanting to out himself.

If it is all innocent and he truly loves you and wants your marriage to work, then he will bend over backwards to prove to so you. In ACTIONS not words! If not, see a LAWYER NOW!!!
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Old August 13th, 2013, 08:22 AM
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Re: Overreacting or BINGO!

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Welcome MrsC2013

Saying "I'd even kiss you" isn't really something you'd say to someone with whom you are having an affair.



Quote:
But I agree with Lucy - the abusive texts which followed are an issue of their own, even if the first couple of texts were innocent.
Yes!
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Old August 13th, 2013, 08:46 AM
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Re: Overreacting or BINGO!

Well, it was the way he said it. "ok ok yes i'd even kiss you lol" I mean, if you're having an affair with someone, it'd be a foregone conclusion that you'd kiss them, right? That's what I meant.
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Old August 13th, 2013, 09:17 AM
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Re: Overreacting or BINGO!

It sounds like he is replying to a question such as "would you kiss me?" And that is not the sort of exchange I would imagine from a platonic friendship or a relative!

Whatever the context of the conversation and of course MrsC2013 is only seeing one person's side and a snapshot at that. If it is all innocent then her DH will be happy to show her the messages in their entirety to prove so. There's reading something into nothing and reading something into something and from what is being posted it looks to be the latter.
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Last edited by Annsdil; August 13th, 2013 at 09:21 AM.
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