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Old October 8th, 2013, 07:36 AM
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Angry is my husband ignoring me?

Hi
I need some counsel. I love receiving gifts and surprises. I feel appreciated when a man does it to me. But strangely, my husband doesn't seem to understand this fact. Inspite of going through counselling, he is slow in giving gifts and flowers. Infact, in the last 2 months, there has been no candle light dinners, no surprise gifts - I feel so taken for granted and broken. I have tried to tell him several times that gifts and surprises are my love language but the message doesn't seem to get through his head. In the end, I feel unloved, uncared for and unattractive. What do I do now?
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Old October 8th, 2013, 07:56 AM
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Re: is my husband ignoring me?

Ignore? Not sure. You only state he doesn't buy you things. You didn't really go into any details about the relationship you two have.


Maybe put more attention on how he TREATS you. How he SPEAKS to you. Does he value your opinions? Does he treat you as an equal? Is there respect? Kindness? EMPATHY?

Maybe he just doesn't speak that language that you seek and you should find another who does before this causes major rifts.

Last edited by JemStar; October 8th, 2013 at 08:03 AM.
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Old October 8th, 2013, 08:02 AM
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Re: is my husband ignoring me?

What's his love language?

Do you think it's realistic to expect candlelit dinners and gifts? I'm asking that sincerely. Some guys just aren't "into" candlelit dinners and stopping at the store to buy flowers etc. Is asking your husband to do that asking "too much?"

I think maybe you ought to figure out what it is about you that feels broken and unattractive because you don't get gifts. I mean, I get it about feeling taken for granted, but it seems a little more intense in your situation. Two months without gifts just doesn't seem like a big deal to me unless it's a sign of something else. Are there other things going on in your marriage that perhaps are what makes the lack of gifts upsetting? Is your husband paying more attention to someone or something else?
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Old October 8th, 2013, 08:31 AM
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Re: is my husband ignoring me?

I'm probably not going to be much help in this department. As a guy and having been married for 33 years... I get my wife flowers about once a year. I get her a card on her birthday and anniversary. Although I do the majority of the cooking... we usually plop down in front of the television and watch reruns of Criminal Minds, CSI and Law & Order. Our weekly Saturday "go out and eat lunch" is Taco Bell. Our romantic life is dependant on whether or not the New England Patriots, Denver Broncos, Pittsburg Steelers and Green Bay Packers are winning - and, of course, the weather... However, none of this has any bearing on your situation.

Quote:
Maybe he just doesn't speak that language that you seek and you should find another who does before this causes major rifts.
I wouldn't recommend she find someone else to fill that void - if I interrpreted your statement correctly. Personally, I would prefer to work on what I already have rather than seek another relationship. Especially since she has already stated she's married to the man.

Giving gifts is a nice thing to do. I don't buy my wife a lot of gifts because she buys all sorts of things all the time - she loves to shop.

However, having your husband buy you something on a regular basis... Surprises... I take my wife out to dinner a couple times a month. Sometimes we miss a month.

Is he ignoring you? I don't know... Does he talk to you? Is he attentive to you or your other needs. Is he cold to you? Rude? Is he stressed at home or work? Are you a high maintenance woman? Dramatic? Are there other issues the two of you have had in the past?
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Old October 8th, 2013, 12:56 PM
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Re: is my husband ignoring me?

what is his love language?


DH & and I don't have the same ones either


have you tried not telling, but showing?

You like the candles, etc. set up your table with candels, takeout ( that way no one cooks), a bottle of wine and enjoy
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Old October 9th, 2013, 02:37 PM
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Re: is my husband ignoring me?

I'm with snafu - my late husband once said, "Debbie, I cannot make you happy, only you can make you happy." At first, I wanted to through something at him, but later I realize he was TOTALLY right. Do what makes you happy. Don't wait for another to do it for you. Years ago, I met the Dali Lama. He is focused on world peace. He said it first comes from within. Then to family, then to community, then to the world. Start with you. Light some candles and enjoy the glow :-)
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Old October 10th, 2013, 05:49 PM
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Re: is my husband ignoring me?

I think for a long time my mom struggled with how my dad doesn't say "I love you" a lot, even though she knows he loves her. Over time, she realized the way he says "I love you" is by taking care of her--making sure her car is working well, fixing things around the house, stuff like that. Not everyone says "I love you" in the same way. Are there other ways in which your husband says/shows he loves you?

P.S. Pretty much the only time I get flowers from my husband is when he's apologizing! Ha!
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Old October 14th, 2013, 07:30 AM
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Re: is my husband ignoring me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knot2loud View Post
I'm probably not going to be much help in this department. As a guy and having been married for 33 years... I get my wife flowers about once a year. I get her a card on her birthday and anniversary. Although I do the majority of the cooking... we usually plop down in front of the television and watch reruns of Criminal Minds, CSI and Law & Order. Our weekly Saturday "go out and eat lunch" is Taco Bell. Our romantic life is dependant on whether or not the New England Patriots, Denver Broncos, Pittsburg Steelers and Green Bay Packers are winning - and, of course, the weather... However, none of this has any bearing on your situation.



I wouldn't recommend she find someone else to fill that void - if I interrpreted your statement correctly. Personally, I would prefer to work on what I already have rather than seek another relationship. Especially since she has already stated she's married to the man.

Giving gifts is a nice thing to do. I don't buy my wife a lot of gifts because she buys all sorts of things all the time - she loves to shop.

However, having your husband buy you something on a regular basis... Surprises... I take my wife out to dinner a couple times a month. Sometimes we miss a month.

Is he ignoring you? I don't know... Does he talk to you? Is he attentive to you or your other needs. Is he cold to you? Rude? Is he stressed at home or work? Are you a high maintenance woman? Dramatic? Are there other issues the two of you have had in the past?
Maybe I was a bit extreme. Guess I am more for someone loving me as their equal and treating me with respect, I find out 29 years AFTER.

It just wasn't what I was seeking from the marriage. Most of the junk I was given I left for him after the divorce.
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Old October 15th, 2013, 07:47 AM
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Re: is my husband ignoring me?

29 years and... poof... I guess spouses just don't love the way we expect them to.
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Old October 16th, 2013, 06:22 AM
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Re: is my husband ignoring me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knot2loud View Post
29 years and... poof... I guess spouses just don't love the way we expect them to.
Or at some point STOP the way that first drew us to them and kept us hanging on, some of us for years.

No warning. No sirens. Just STOPPED loving.

If I were the op, I would INSIST on big expensive gifts that can possibly be sold for cash down the road when things don't work out and you get stuck with an attorney bill of $20,000. Just saying
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