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  #11  
Old May 13th, 2008, 12:37 PM
quietlife quietlife is offline
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Re: Husband Doesn't Buy Me Gifts

That's great JillyB! Are you still going to try marriage counselling?

For what it's worth, my husband is very negligent about honouring special days with even small, but meaningful gestures such as a card. But, he is a wonderful husband on a day to day basis.
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  #12  
Old May 13th, 2008, 01:30 PM
JillyB JillyB is offline
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Re: Husband Doesn't Buy Me Gifts

It probably wouldn't hurt to try counseling just so we can learn to communicate a little better. I just spoke with a friend of mine who has been married for 14 years and has the same exact problem. She said she tries to lower her expectations around the holidays, but it still upsets her. There should be a school we could send them to for training!!
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  #13  
Old May 13th, 2008, 02:15 PM
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1DH+4Kids=Happyus 1DH+4Kids=Happyus is offline
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Re: Husband Doesn't Buy Me Gifts

Quote:
Originally Posted by JillyB View Post
It probably wouldn't hurt to try counseling just so we can learn to communicate a little better. I just spoke with a friend of mine who has been married for 14 years and has the same exact problem. She said she tries to lower her expectations around the holidays, but it still upsets her. There should be a school we could send them to for training!!

http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/

My DH & I used the techniques in this program. It really helped us learn how to communicate - in a way we could hear each other....

Liz
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I'm a people, she's a people, he's a people, we're a people - wouldn't you like to be a people too?

PEOPLE - NOT SHEEPLE!
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  #14  
Old December 12th, 2012, 03:17 PM
summerstorm summerstorm is offline
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Arrow Re: Husband Doesn't Buy Me Gifts

Quote:
Originally Posted by JillyB View Post
Okay, I guess I have to eat my words now. I just got a dozen red roses delivered with a note saying, "I don't mean to be a bad husband. I love you."

This happened at Valentine's Day too. Me getting upset and getting some flowers a couple of days after. If he would do this a few days earlier, it would save us all a lot of trouble and heartache. His timing is way off!!
This is how it is for me, too. Both your initial post, and this one. I don't have any real advice to offer - sorry. But I do empathise!

It is good in one way that he's noticed that it made you upset not to be remembered at any of the special occasions. So kudos to him for trying. But this is how it's happened to me, too... if I show how upset it made me, he will make an effort right then, but next time nothing happens again. It makes the effort feel like he only did it because I got all upset.

In my case, there was a bit of a transformation. When we were just dating, even while we were living together, he took me out, we went places, even on a holiday together. He always remembered my birthday and Christmas. I was ecstatic at his efforts to create special times together, and that he was thoughtful on birthdays, etc. I told him it made me happy and thank you. Then after I married him, it all stopped.
I wondered what the hell had happened. I felt very upset and kind of betrayed. Birthdays and Christmas went unremembered, not even a card. Maybe if I was lucky, a one dollar box of incense at christmas. When the children came along (they're now 4 and 5), never once did Mothers Day ever get celebrated. This from the same man who gave me a sword (we're both 'dungeons and dragons' geeks) for my birthday the first year we were together, and took me out plenty of times before we got married. It had petered off a little bit during the engagement, but I didn't mind, he was still remembering me mostly and that was more than enough.

I just hate that he doesn't remember me, and that he doesn't bother anymore. Like now we're an old married couple with kids (us age 37 & 40, kids age 4 & 5) I don't matter anymore. He used to do those things for me, but now I'm a sure thing, he just won't. I've approached him several ways about this - from very reasonable, thought out talks that didn't make him feel like the bad guy, to bursting into tears on the day and spilling all these feelings (unplanned!) But he STILL keeps not bothering. I feel like I don't matter any more.

In regards to the "five languages" thing, yes I can see what you mean. He is quite possibly one of those different types. But then why did he treat me so wonderfully until we got married and then stop bothering altogether? He doesn't even do "time" things in between, outings, etc. And to top it all off - he's admitted that he likes being made a fuss of on HIS birthday, and enjoys the fathers day things the kids and I do, and that he would not like being forgotten.
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  #15  
Old January 10th, 2013, 02:58 AM
elizabethdennis elizabethdennis is offline
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Wink Re: Husband Doesn't Buy Me Gifts

Quote:
Originally Posted by JillyB View Post
Okay, I guess I have to eat my words now. I just got a dozen red roses delivered with a note saying, "I don't mean to be a bad husband. I love you."

This happened at Valentine's Day too. Me getting upset and getting some flowers a couple of days after. If he would do this a few days earlier, it would save us all a lot of trouble and heartache. His timing is way off!!
I was about to type my long rant with me not receiving any gifts from my husband too when I read this update on your post. Good for you that your husband is making up to you. At least he is making an effort. My husband is not the type of guy who showers me gifts either but I already learned to accept it but I was still hoping he will make a little effort
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  #16  
Old January 10th, 2013, 04:52 AM
Karina Karina is offline
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Re: Husband Doesn't Buy Me Gifts

Awwww, well see, he thought of you. Not all men tend to realize the importance of acknowledgement of significant days ( some women as well)! Hopefully now he will put more effort into the days that mean a lot to you! The counseling is always a good idea too just to make sure he keeps it up
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  #17  
Old January 23rd, 2013, 11:21 PM
Templton Templton is offline
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Re: Husband Doesn't Buy Me Gifts

Quote:
Originally Posted by JillyB View Post
I just need a fresh perspective on this issue. My husband and I have been married for almost eight years and in that time, he has bought me only TWO presents and only one was of any significance. Almost every birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and Mother's Day (we have two small children who cannot buy presents themselves) are huge disappointments because there is no gift, no card, no cake, no flowers, nothing (even one of the previous would be appreciated). Also, he never makes any plans. On my birthday, he will come home from work with nothing in hand and say, "Well, what do you want to do?"

I have told him that when this happens, it sends me a very clear message about his feelings for me, but nothing ever changes. Am I blowing this out of proportion?? I am really getting tired of being taken for granted. (P.S., I always make a big deal out of his birthday and get him really nice Christmas presents).
You are right! And your husband will have to learn to buy gifts. Its nesassary for women's happiness I think. For example, I always buy gifts to my wife. Unfortonately, It's not always I can buy expansive gift. But any gift I buy always!
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  #18  
Old February 1st, 2013, 02:00 AM
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Ellen Ellen is offline
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Re: Husband Doesn't Buy Me Gifts

I donít think youíre blowing this out of proportion. Showing appreciation of oneís spouse is very important in any relationship, and often times that appreciation should take form as surprises or gifts or dates, etc. Iím not suggesting that love is shown with material things, some couples are very happy and need not exchange these things, but their appreciation of one another is shown in other ways. What youíve described it does sound like you like to receive a surprise every now and then. Itís hard to bring this up in conversation I suppose because it does seem like the next gift will be done because you asked for it and not because it came from his heart. But perhaps if you give a few hints before a special day it might trigger something in him. I hope things turn out for the best for you. If this is the only problem, you guys are doing pretty good.
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  #19  
Old June 9th, 2013, 03:13 AM
Halmonix Halmonix is offline
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Re: Husband Doesn't Buy Me Gifts

You need to speak directly to a man about the things you need. They need a nudge. Very often they don't give gifts as they are not creative persons. They don't want to give same type of presents again and again.

Last edited by LucyVanPelt; June 13th, 2013 at 07:41 AM. Reason: Remove link
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  #20  
Old June 12th, 2013, 07:57 PM
sonoilvento sonoilvento is offline
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Re: Husband Doesn't Buy Me Gifts

"The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch
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