Go Back   Friends and Family Forum > The Family Forum > Step-families

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old April 11th, 2011, 11:58 AM
snafu's Avatar
snafu snafu is offline
future crazy cat lady
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Mid-west
Posts: 9,879
snafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond repute
Re: She hates me

Cinay - read it yourself first

when I was reading it, I'd read it in the livingroom & then would leave it there... DH got interested in it, I don't think DSD ever read it


but I have given a copy to SIL, as her DM died when SIL's kids were really young
__________________
once burned, twice shy

He who ignores history is condemed to repeat it!
(it also means you weren't smart enough to learn from your mistakes )
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old September 7th, 2011, 10:37 PM
LuLu LuLu is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2
LuLu is on a distinguished road
Unhappy Re: She hates me

This is my life story to a T. You are going threw my battle that I have going on right now. I have been searching for some sort of help, advice, ideas and most of all my sanity. My husband also has custody of his daughter for almost 2 years ago. The BM lost custody because she went to prison (revoke probation - drugs). So now she's out so my SD sees her every other weekend. Before my SD was great. But now its a never ending battle of disrespect and attitudes. Pretty much the same story of how your SD is acting. I need help with this. I'm at my breaking point now. I just don't know how to deal with it. I've tried walking away from the situation, that usually ends with me in tears in my room. My BD is the same age and I know its pre teen age there both 12. But my own daughter doesn't speed to me like that. My husband tries to.talk with her. He does his best. He is a great dad. He has fought so hard for her. (3 year battle in court) but now I'm have so much trouble handling SD. I need help.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old September 8th, 2011, 05:46 AM
LucyVanPelt's Avatar
LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,455
LucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond repute
Re: She hates me

Welcome, Lulu. I wish I had a quick fix for you and for your DSD, but this is going to be the hardest thing you've ever dealt with.

Please be patient with yourself and your DSD. You aren't a miracle worker and you can't fix DSD's screwed up mother or that relationship. What will matter is that you let her know you are there for her while also setting boundaries on the way she can treat you. Recognize that her attitude is directed at you because you're a safe person to direct it at. Ignore what you can, and pick your battles for what is most important to you. Don't be afraid to say, "You don't have to like it, but you do have to treat me with respect. I expect ______, and if you cannot do that, then it will cost you _____ privilege."

Have you considered family counseling or individual counseling for your DSD?
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old September 8th, 2011, 08:12 AM
snafu's Avatar
snafu snafu is offline
future crazy cat lady
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Mid-west
Posts: 9,879
snafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond repute
Re: She hates me

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
Have you considered family counseling or individual counseling for your DSD?
ditto on this -

also... I did this with my DSD (but her DM passed away) - (actually do this with both kids) - have each pick out her favorite picture(s) of her and her DM (and DF) and hang them in your living room/a common room - also hang some that you have of all of you together (DD, DSD, DH, & You)
__________________
once burned, twice shy

He who ignores history is condemed to repeat it!
(it also means you weren't smart enough to learn from your mistakes )
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old September 8th, 2011, 09:52 AM
LuLu LuLu is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2
LuLu is on a distinguished road
Re: She hates me

Yes I have been thinking about counseling. I really feel as if I need it or something. I try to keep it together around my family. But its like I have this pressure that just builds up. I try to talk about it with SD about how she just make me feel so overwhelmed that I can't fix what's wrong with her and her situation. I feel as if she takes her anger out on me. I ask her if she talks to her BM the way she does me. Of course not is her answer. Her BM has filled her head with lies that we took her from her. That we are the reason she was put in jail and that I'm no one to her. I took care of this child with my husband while BM was in prison. I treat her like she OS my own child. When I introduce my kids to anyone I never say the is my SD I always say these are my daughters. It just seems like the BM tries her hardest to make me look like I'm always in the wrong with anything I try to do or say that has anything to do with SD. I try not to let it get to me. But when my SD seems like she feels the same way towards me. It hurts.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old September 8th, 2011, 10:16 AM
snafu's Avatar
snafu snafu is offline
future crazy cat lady
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Mid-west
Posts: 9,879
snafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond repute
Re: She hates me

((hugs))

it sound to me that it's not really personal (due to you), but totally due to her mom feeling, well... that maybe she's replaceable -
__________________
once burned, twice shy

He who ignores history is condemed to repeat it!
(it also means you weren't smart enough to learn from your mistakes )
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:30 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2007, The BlueSparks Network