Go Back   Friends and Family Forum > The Family Forum > All Grown Up

All Grown Up A place to discuss "adult" children.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old February 12th, 2016, 04:19 AM
Huntwc Huntwc is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1
Huntwc is on a distinguished road
my 2 kids have never had a date. What is wrong with them?

My DS (21) and DD (18) are both in college and neither one has EVER had a date let alone a boyfriend or girlfriend! They are both smart, funny and attractive. I am so sad and worried. I am wondering what is wrong...all of my friends kids have been dating, have significant others and some are even married.

My son has asked a few girls out on a date and been turned down. My daughter doesn't seem interested in dating at all. She has tons of friends who are boys but no romantic interests at all. It's depressing me to no end.

My husband and I have been married almost 30 years. Falling in love, marriage and raising a family are so special. I fear both of my kids will never experience any of that. Selfishly, it looks like no grandkids for us either as we are in our 50's already with 2 celibate kids!

Thanks for letting me vent
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old February 12th, 2016, 05:34 AM
Annsdil's Avatar
Annsdil Annsdil is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 2,152
Annsdil has a reputation beyond reputeAnnsdil has a reputation beyond reputeAnnsdil has a reputation beyond reputeAnnsdil has a reputation beyond reputeAnnsdil has a reputation beyond reputeAnnsdil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: my 2 kids have never had a date. What is wrong with them?

Are they unhappy kids? Are they doing things they've always wanted to do? Maybe they both want to just achieve stuff before they settle down. Maybe they are not quite emotionally independent from their parents yet. Maybe they see their peers in bad relationships and don't want to go down that track.

Do you want them to fulfil your expectations of them or fulfil their own goals etc.

Are they financially dependant on you? Do they pull their weight when at home. For me they would be the main things that would concern me.
__________________
******************
There’s one major problem with giving grandparents legal access to their grandchildren. People who inflicted verbal, physical and sexual abuse on their children are then given access to inflict trauma on yet another generation. ~ Wayne and Tamara
*******************
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old February 12th, 2016, 05:53 AM
LucyVanPelt's Avatar
LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 9,420
LucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond reputeLucyVanPelt has a reputation beyond repute
Re: my 2 kids have never had a date. What is wrong with them?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Annsdil View Post
Are they unhappy kids? Are they doing things they've always wanted to do? Maybe they both want to just achieve stuff before they settle down. Maybe they are not quite emotionally independent from their parents yet. Maybe they see their peers in bad relationships and don't want to go down that track.

Do you want them to fulfil your expectations of them or fulfil their own goals etc.

Are they financially dependant on you? Do they pull their weight when at home. For me they would be the main things that would concern me.
Good questions.

My two sons (22 and 20) have given up on dating right now. First, it's expensive and they are "poor college students." Second, the expectations of immediate intimacy are more than they want right now.

I think they're smart. And I hope some day they meet women as smart as they are.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old February 12th, 2016, 08:25 AM
KayKay's Avatar
KayKay KayKay is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 16,136
KayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond repute
Re: my 2 kids have never had a date. What is wrong with them?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Huntwc View Post
Falling in love, marriage and raising a family are so special.
They are indeed special. But in order to be done successfully, they need to be done on your kids' timetable. You have set a wonderful example for your kids with a 30 year marriage. Maybe they know it's better to find the right person than to rush into marriage and end up unhappy.

My son is 20 and has never had a date. My daughter is 19 and only recently started dating. I'd rather they be that way than buy into today's hookup culture. I don't think there's anything wrong with your kids. They're happy enough with themselves and who they are to be happy without a relationship. That is a solid foundation for when they decide to start dating, and will help make their future marriages successful.

Hopefully you will have grandchildren someday, but that's really up to them. Please don't pressure them.
__________________
Expecto Patronum!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old March 17th, 2016, 10:33 PM
karimakkan karimakkan is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 16
karimakkan is on a distinguished road
Re: my 2 kids have never had a date. What is wrong with them?

No need to worry. They will find their soulmates in the right time. I know as a mother u have your tensions. But .... no worries.. keep going.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old October 12th, 2016, 08:52 PM
JumpingJake JumpingJake is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 18
JumpingJake is on a distinguished road
Re: my 2 kids have never had a date. What is wrong with them?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Huntwc View Post
My DS (21) and DD (18) are both in college and neither one has EVER had a date let alone a boyfriend or girlfriend! They are both smart, funny and attractive. I am so sad and worried. I am wondering what is wrong...all of my friends kids have been dating, have significant others and some are even married.

My son has asked a few girls out on a date and been turned down. My daughter doesn't seem interested in dating at all. She has tons of friends who are boys but no romantic interests at all. It's depressing me to no end.

My husband and I have been married almost 30 years. Falling in love, marriage and raising a family are so special. I fear both of my kids will never experience any of that. Selfishly, it looks like no grandkids for us either as we are in our 50's already with 2 celibate kids!

Thanks for letting me vent
It sounds like your son has had his confidence knocked. If he has asked a few girls but been turned down then it may take him some time to get back on the horse. You should be supportive of him over this.

They both might just be focusing on other things, or they might not be willing to share what is happening in their love lives with their mother. Whatever you do, don't add to any pressure they may have by showing your frustration and desire for grandkids. It won't help the situation.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old October 13th, 2016, 01:58 PM
Catwoman Catwoman is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: NZ
Posts: 781
Catwoman has a reputation beyond reputeCatwoman has a reputation beyond reputeCatwoman has a reputation beyond reputeCatwoman has a reputation beyond repute
Re: my 2 kids have never had a date. What is wrong with them?

There is no rush to be in any love relationships and whats wrong with waiting?.I have told my sons that having mulitple partners does not teach you any more than the next person. They need to be taught about who is a good person,one without drama,or problems....someone normal......I told my son he was not allowed to get involved with this girl he was messaging at 16,because he was too young,and she was clearly a drama queen going on about all her drama at home and wanting him to be secretive etc. We need to steer them in the right direction in the first place.I dont believe in sexual relationships too young and not at 16. My son told me his friend and his girlfriend at school are now expecting a baby and she is about to turn 16 and the boy is 16 just. They now have to face a big life decision,and this has happened after being together 2 years.Apparently his parents arent around much and hes allowed to do whatever he wants,and shes over at his house all the time....well thats now backfired......they also waited till she was 3 months pregnant to visit the school nurse for a pregnancy test,and now they are considering an abortion which is very sad....they were under the impression that its not really a baby that small at 3 months.....I reminded my son a baby has a heartbeat at 8 weeks. It makes me angry when parents dont do their jobs.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:33 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2007, The BlueSparks Network