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Old November 23rd, 2015, 07:46 PM
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Need some help with adult son - husband (grandfather)

My adult son and DIL laid out rules for our grandchildren - however due to a pressing need (toilet) my DH took dear one to the restroom (we were at a large park)- the adult son and DIL say "no driving" with their kids. The child had to go! However, due to mobility issues - he couldn't walk fast enough to get her there.
I respect those boundaries and rules laid out for their kids - however my DH did not.
He drove across the parking lot with the child - I was with my sweet DIL and I refuse to lie and told her what had happened.
Now, fall-out - I'm concerned will happen on Thanksgiving and become contentious because of this incident.
I think DH should call in advance of the holiday and at least try to work it out - but DS can be very stubborn - don't get me wrong - I know the rule was broken - however a conversation could (or should?)where the rules are repeated and DH is firmly reminded of the rules.
I know it's about trust - and it bothers me so that my DH doesn't take this as seriously as my DS and DDIL.
Anyone have some good advice ?
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Old November 23rd, 2015, 08:21 PM
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Re: Need some help with adult son - husband (grandfather)

trixxie!! Welcome back to one of the founding members!

Are your DS and DIL angry about what happened? Did you explain the situation when you told DIL? It seems odd that if they understood the pressing need and the lack of other options, they wouldn't give a little leeway for the circumstances.
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Old November 23rd, 2015, 10:28 PM
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Re: Need some help with adult son - husband (grandfather)

Thanks KayKay!
There has been so many reasons why I haven't been on... My DH is on the transplant list - cross country move - whew!
My DS is a stickler for rule following and is hmm how do I say it??
Anyways I get it - there was discussion between GD and DH before getting back to keep their parking lot ride a secret - I found out about it on my mobile before DH returned to us (DDIL) I told DH that children should never keep secrets.
It's just with DH's medical issues he makes some poor decisions. I don't want this to keep us from our DGC!!!
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Old November 23rd, 2015, 10:30 PM
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Re: Need some help with adult son - husband (grandfather)

DDIL is not angry and was appreciative of my honesty...
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Old November 23rd, 2015, 11:21 PM
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Re: Need some help with adult son - husband (grandfather)

Hugs to you trixxie!! You are doing everything exactly right and using such good judgment. I don't see how your DS or DIL could have a problem with your behavior.

I'm a little worried that if your DH has medical issues that prevent him from using the best judgment though, your DS and DIL might have to take that into account. Not out of cruelty towards your DH or you, but out of protection of your GD. And honestly, I think everyone has to think of what's best for the children. Your DH absolutely meant no harm and the drive across the parking lot was unavoidable, but the way to handle it was with honesty, not with trying to get GD to keep a secret. Perhaps the thing to do is tell DS and DIL that you will speak with your DH (or have spoken to him) just to reassure him that you're watching too. Maybe your DH needs a reminder that DS and DIL are reasonable people and were understanding of the circumstances.

I think your DS, even being a stickler for rules (so am I!!) would be understanding as long as you acknowledge that the rules were broken, you recognize that, it was a desperate situation, and apologize for it. If he's going to be a toot about it, ask him what you should have done instead so you know for the future. Would he have preferred that you let your GD have an accident? Would DIL agree with that?
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Old November 25th, 2015, 12:04 AM
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Re: Need some help with adult son - husband (grandfather)

Hey Trixxie, welcome back!
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Old January 10th, 2016, 08:37 PM
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Re: Need some help with adult son - husband (grandfather)

Thanks MrsX - glad to be back - sorry for the late response - I hope to be more active!
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Old January 10th, 2016, 08:40 PM
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Re: Need some help with adult son - husband (grandfather)

It all worked itself out - my DDIL - my first one by my youngest DS is absolutely the best.
If you remember - she was very difficult about 5 years ago - but we have the BEST relationship now. It's based on honesty and we talk all the time.
The DGD are 8 and the twin DGD are 6 - and they are wonderful - and we have a great relationship too.
My DS is doing well - although my DDIL wants us to buy a house next door to them now. Points out houses that are in close proximity to them.
That would not of happened five years ago. How things have changed!
I feel very blessed!
Now to work on the newest DDIL....
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Old January 10th, 2016, 10:14 PM
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Re: Need some help with adult son - husband (grandfather)

You have the patience and heart of a saint, trixxie. I'm sure things will work out fine with your newest DIL too.
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Old January 11th, 2016, 06:37 PM
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Re: Need some help with adult son - husband (grandfather)

congrats trixxie ....
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